by Sheree Adams
We all have that “Crazy” girlfriend that cracks her husband’s voice mail passcode, figures out his email password, and picks up his cell to read his text messages every time he’s in the shower. But, yet, he loves her. Whether he’s cheating or not. “Crazy” Cathy has always had a man. She had several suitors and married the pick of the litter. What is it? Is he afraid that she’ll go postal, so he sticks around? Then there’s Nonchalant [Natalie]. She’s nonchalant, beautiful, secure in her skin and her marriage and she, too, has a very loving husband. Is her confidence so radiant and attractive that its magnetizing? Does she make him feel like it’s an honor for him to even be with her? And what about Low-down [Lisa]? She is the ungrateful (or unfaithful) friend with the a GOOD husband that she doesn’t deserve, and pretty much treats him like dirt. She bosses him, she borderline bullies him, and no matter what, he’s right there.
While none of these scenarios are healthy without balance. They are frighteningly familiar to us all. But, are any of these women safeguarded against infidelity? The answer is no. And neither is this ring I found on the internet: The anti-cheating ring. I know. It looks like a joke, but it comes with a hefty $550 price tag.
OK, I confess. I am always wondering if its true what they say? “If you don’t do [it] for your husband-then another woman will?” In today’s culture of overwhelming amounts of infidelity and extramarital affairs, one can’t help but wonder. I feel secure in my marriage, but I was raised not to put anything past anyone. My husband, is not into all of the melodrama of living the “what-if” life. His security is actually quite sexy.
The question should really be “Why am I trying to keep my husband from cheating?” and even more ” Why aren’t the men trained/taught NOT TO CHEAT?” An age-old question, that I’m sure will always spark debate. For starters, I think it would be great for the fathers to commit to teaching their sons the importance of not only being a great father and good husband, but a FAITHFUL ONE. Too often I’ve heard that men actually learned to cheat from their fathers. Yes, their fathers! They were taught that as long as you take care of home and provide for your family that it’s OK to have a “side piece”.
I’ve spoken with several people about my approach of having a watchful eye and of course, none of us can agree. The questions remains: Do you go into marriage, despite your commitment to one another with your third eye open? Or do you say that you have no reason NOT to trust, so why not trust your mate whole-heartedly?
I guess it can be based on your past relationship experiences and the examples of love you had growing up, but will your being watchful and conscious of knowing that your man may cheat be beneficial for you or the quality of your marriage, not to mention your sanity? And the burning question of all: Will you be buying the anti-cheating ring for your hubby? Be sure to let me know!
DISCLAIMER: I know that men are not the only ones capable of infidelity. For the sake of this blog post, I am referring to the men. I spread love, so we will discuss the women in a later post.
Sheree is a Christian, wife, WAHM of three, nurse, blogger and speaker, who is forever drawn to all things health-related. You can find her blogging about marriage, family, health tips and more as Smart & Sassy Mom. Sheree is committed to helping blended families and keeping marriages strong, healthy, fun and SPICY! Learn more about Sheree on Facebook her Website and via Twitter.
Janeane Davis says
As always, I like your post. I did not come from an intact family nor did my husband. I was young 23 when I got married and my husband was 28. We are both Christians and tried to live our marriage based on biblical principles. I was “Young and dumb†when I got married so I assumed that we would both keep our vows. I have not had any problems with infidelity, but I do not take credit for that. My husband says a man will be kept if he wants to be kept and that there is nothing a wife can do to keep him at home. I guess I say all that to say, I am trusting because I didnt know any better when I got married and got stuck in the trusting mode.
Sheree says
Thanks Janeane! You said it right…trying to live your married life based on biblical principles. I think that’s the foundation for a solid relationship, if you both mean it sincerely. I’m sure you’re both a blessing to one another!
kobby says
Nice post there, but this raises fundamental issues. Trust is the biggest issue here, I will say if you don’t trust ur partner don’t marry him/her. Truth be told friends! This is however didffent from trusting ur partner and later he/she breaking that trust. You absolutely need that higher level of trust before u say I do. Another issue that I can’t help but comment on is marriages that have a pre-nuptial agreement are bound to fail. Word!! God bless y’all
Tori Phillips says
Amen, Amen, Amen… Fathers teach your sons BY EXAMPLE how to be faithful… In addition, parents need to teach their daughters how not to JUMP-OFFs… Again by example!!!! Thanks BMWK for yet another thought provoking article!!!! I sooooo wish my parents had this resource when my brother and I we kids!!!!
H says
This is a much more complex issue than previous comments seem to be acknowledging.
You can marry someone whom you trust and have no reason not to trust, only to have infidelity rear its head at a later point. It isn’t always a sinister, premeditated act, committed by a bad man, either. Good men sometimes make poor choices. This doesn’t excuse infidelity, nor does it imply that it should be acceptable in our culture; it should not be excused or accepted. It is wrong, and it is a choice.
However, having been through the trauma of infidelity, and (slowly) working our way into a healthy marriage again (and it is a long process,) I can say that it does happen to good Christian couples, but it can be worked through. It is painful and takes a long time to rebuild the trust, and is not the best choice for everyone (some people are chronic cheaters and will cheat again, others are one-time offenders who can and will become great spouses if given another chance.)
The bottom line, though, is that if you have never been cheated on before and your instincts are intact/have not been mangled by previous cheating, your gut instinct will tell you if you can and should trust. If you feel uneasy, there is almost always a good reason for it. Trust yourself first, because you can’t fool yourself as easily as someone else can fool you!
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Raymond Randle II says
You can’t stop someone from cheating. However, that doesn’t mean you don’t do preventive maintaince. As a man, treat your lady with love and respect and be attentive to inside and outside the bedroom. As a woman, love and respect your man and defer to his frequency for love making.
Cassandra Nelson says
I know this all to well. Even though I was common law and not really married. I have been through this with a man for 17 years. A man can cheat and you won’t necessarily know it, not to the Lord expose it to you. Each man is different you can be the perfect wife and still be cheated on. It just depends on the man I found out the man I was with had a sex addiction. No matter how much sex I gave him it was never enough. I wish I would have known that in the beinging. I do agree a man has to want to be kept.
When the word of God says be equally yoke and how can two walk together except they agree?
I believe two people has to love respect cherish and honor each and be very truthful with each other, positive communication and trust you must have In a marriage. Knowing each others strength and weakness play a big part as well.. some people work through the cheating others don’t except it at all.
Thanks ladies good topic