Divorce is such an ugly and disappointing word. It can also be one of the most challenging life changes one might experience. People don’t often view it this way, but it is the death of something. As a result, there needs to be a grieving process. Those who haven’t gone through this experience may feel as though we know what’s best for our friend or loved one. The truth is, we actually don’t. Although it’s hard to witness their hurt, we are not responsible nor do we have the power to heal their pain. There are, however, a few actions we can take to assist on the journey toward healing.
DO pray for them and with them. We sometimes forget how important and how healing prayer can be, especially during times of difficulty. Encourage them with Proverbs 3:5-6 which says “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”
DON’T expect them to simply get over it and move on. If we consider the times in our lives when we’ve been hurt, we’ll recognize it’s not so easy to move forward without acknowledging and assessing the situation.
DO listen. Listening is sometimes underrated and undervalued. There is power in just being silent and letting someone share what’s on their heart and mind. They don’t always need advice or fixing.
DON’T avoid them. It can be challenging when you aren’t quite sure of the right words to say. However, keeping your distance or ignoring calls from the person who’s going through a divorce can add to the isolation they already feel. Just imagine, if it’s hard for you to hear, think of what it might actually be like to experience. If we are someone they trust, they are going to reach out and look for our support. We must be willing to show up and be there.
DON’T exclude them. They need the friendship circle more than anything at that moment. It’s important to keep the invitations coming and not judge them or make decisions for them.
DO keep in mind that finding another relationship immediately is not the solution It seems natural to want to introduce them to someone new. Our expectations for them aren’t always realistic. It may not be healthy for them to begin a new relationship so soon after a divorce.
DON’T join the pity party. It’s not always beneficial for them to pity their circumstances. Nor is helpful for you to join in on their pity party. It’s easy to get sucked in and stuck in a place of negativity. There’s no healing, happiness or joy in that. We should seek and share positive affirmations and use words of encouragement to get them through those darker moments.
DO remind them better days are coming. It’s also important to reassure them it is possible to find love again.
The true test of any friendship is how supportive we are during times of trial. It’s sometimes easy to lose focus, but its important to keep in mind what our loved ones actually need as they are journeying through this season of doubt and confusion. We must remember it isn’t about us. It’s about making sure they overcome with our support, assistance, and listening.There are moments in life when we need our friends more than anything, divorce is definitely one of them.
BMWK, what would you add to our list of do’s and dont’s?
Leave a Reply