By Tiya Cunningham-Sumter
When I was in college and dating there always seemed to be drama in the relationships. Every time I thought I possibly had “the one” it turned out to be “the wrong one.” I convinced myself that we were all too young anyway to find “the one” in college. College dating was supposed to be all about fun, nothing serious. So why did I keep thinking that I would find my future husband there? I wasn’t crazy, I had heard of couples meeting in college, falling in love and getting married. I guess none of those people attended my university. I went with the flow and just dated. Even though in the back of my mind, I still wondered if I was with the one, but I never verbalized it.
Then one day, the dating aspect flipped on me when a boyfriend described me as the kind of girl a guy marries, not someone for “right now.” He went on further to explain how I was a sweet girl and the type that a man settles down with, when he’s ready to get married. He admitted he wasn’t close to being ready to get married. Needless to say that was the end of our dating relationship as he proved more interested in being involved with multiple women at that time. Although I didn’t appreciate it then, I did accept what I now know was a compliment. I had often heard men say there are only certain types of women invited home to meet their mother. I would guess these are the types of women they marry as well.
Years later this conversation resurfaced with a dear friend who wondered about the type of woman a man marries. This friend felt like she wasn’t the type of woman that men normally marry; proclaiming her independence, and constant struggle in her relationships with allowing her man to feel like a man. She questioned rather or not she would take that two-step down the aisle anytime soon. I’ll tell you as I told her, I do believe the type of person you are matters a great deal in the type of relationship and marriage you will have. However, I don’t believe there is just one type of woman that a guy marries. I told her that she would find a man who would love her just as she was. The truth is there is a man looking for that sweet, traditional woman to settle down with just as there is a man who wants that feisty independent woman to marry.
BMWK, do you find there is generally a certain type of woman that men tend to marry?
Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Founder of Life Editing. Tiya was featured in Ebony Magazine in the October 2008 and November 2010 issues. Tiya recently created and launched (Tuesdays with Tiya) Life Editing Radio show on blogtalkradio.com. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two children.
TheMrs says
The type of woman you take home to meet your parents are as different and unique as the individual. My husband and his brother were raised by traditionalists, men went to work while the women took care of home and children never even thinking about a career outside of the home and they both brought home the exact opposite, neither of us were anywhere near the type of women they were raised by and with and neither of us were welcomed with open arms by the women of the family. Even today I(the brother is now divorced and has picked a similarly minded woman to be with now) am not part of the family in their eyes and it’s been close to 2 decades with 5 kids…but I digress. I do believe that there is someone for everybody. There is a man out there that doesn’t mind taking the passenger seat in a relationship…
Mrsiwilson says
It is definitely your in-laws loss that they have not made you feel like a part of their family. What is most important is that the bond between you, your husband and children remain strong. I am very independent and never believed I had to change that aspect of myself in order to be married.
guest says
I was told the same thing, many times. I was told by more than one man, that he was “afraid” of me, because he always felt the need to be more, be better, around me. Not that I demanded it, but deserved it, and that he couldn’t see himself “just dating” me for the sake of dating, but would need to marry me. So, although today I know it was a compliment, back then I tried to be more hip, and progressive, but it never quite worked out that way. Traditional I was, am and will be. Fortunately I finally found a man that was looking for just that.
Tiya says
Thank you! That’s so funny you mentioned trying to be more hip and progressive, I did the same thing and it always came right back to who I really am. There’s just no hiding it. lol.
Trisha says
A man like this seems to be saying, “I’m not good enough for you”, which in the end is right. I see it as a compliment. Don’t change for nobody.
Melissa Moore says
I don’t know about this one. I have several friends who are now married who seemed to get engaged to every other guy they dated since their 20s. Some have had very successful careers even though to me they were still rather traditional girls who ultimately wanted to be wives and mothers more than “career girls”. They were kind of “grown” even at 19 but they frequently met their boyfriends’ parents. 2 were engaged their senior year of college but only 1 got married upon graduation. So, I don’t think there’s a certain kind of girl men to marry – in terms of personality.
1992bandb says
One tht makes him laugh, puts up with his shortcomings ( not judgmental)and still loves him..Where he’s at ease with her( strong but yet soft when needed)..a lady in the street but a freak in the bedroom..lol..the way to a mans heart aint thru his stomach thts a myth…:)
1992bandb says
One tht makes him laugh, puts up with his shortcomings ( not judgmental)and still loves him..Where he’s at ease with her( strong but yet soft when needed)..a lady in the street but a freak in the bedroom..lol..the way to a mans heart aint thru his stomach thts a myth…:)
T. Rogers says
Each man will have a slightly different take. However, there will be some core traits. My wife and I dated in college. She was definitely the marrying type. She was kind. She was intelligent. She had an inner contentment about her that was rare. She had common sense. She was confident without being full of herself or abrasive. She was nurturing and actually cared about my well being. I was blown away by that! I expect very little from people in that regard. I honestly didn’t think I was ready for a serious relationship at the time. And it wasn’t because I was “out there” like that. I was going through some famliy issues and didn’t want her to get caught up in my issues. However, she showed so much support for me during that rough time I knew she was a keeper.
Lastly, even in college she was one of the best cooks I ever came across. It’s not cooking that is the way to a man’s heart. It the nurturing that many men associate with a home cooked meal that connects to his heart. For many of us, our mothers and grandmothers showed us love and nurturing through food. We remember those gestures fondly as grown men. It is very easy to connect a home cooked meal with a gesture of love.
Dormekaj1990 says
Im married in college and my hubby said that he most definitely thought that I was waht he was looking for. We both just follow the word of God and are equally yoked and thats what made the difference in our lives and relationship.
Rubygriffin36 says
Having control of her own mind,good listener,some common sense,but smart as well…funny,not afraid of change in their relationship…knowing when time get tough,she there,just a all around person with an open mind,with standand,and requirement of herself,good understanding,but know when to fold it,and let your men be in charge, know when to speak up to be heard…The kind of girl a guy marries, is just a down to earth real women,just being real of who she are….
Rubygriffin36 says
Having control of her own mind,good listener,some common sense,but smart as well…funny,not afraid of change in their relationship…knowing when time get tough,she there,just a all around person with an open mind,with standand,and requirement of herself,good understanding,but know when to fold it,and let your men be in charge, know when to speak up to be heard…The kind of girl a guy marries, is just a down to earth real women,just being real of who she are….
Marcclarke says
That type for me was kind, smart, funny, sexy and real. She resonated with me and didn’t have a lot of relationship baggage. When I found her we got married.
Marcclarke says
That type for me was kind, smart, funny, sexy and real. She resonated with me and didn’t have a lot of relationship baggage. When I found her we got married.
PerpetualMiss says
I’ve been told I’m “marriage material” several times by men, yet I’m 34 and still have never been married. It doesn’t do much good being marriage material when no one is marrying you.
PerpetualMiss says
Also, I’ve noticed a general trend where a lot of men go for the “low hanging fruit” in the end (as far as marriage)…a woman who is not the guys first and best love, but seems to make a useful (albeit somewhat dispensable) partner.