Ever notice how when you announce you’re getting married everyone immediately has love advice to give you?
- “Don’t go to bed to angry,”
- “Be a freak in the sheets,”
- “What you won’t do, someone else will.”
All great advice, and can definitely help you to be a good spouse. However, those are more surfacy responses. Marriage is the real deal and those common words of wisdom don’t speak to the entirety of marriage. Here is some additional advice that others don’t often share, but definitely should.
Advice: You will have to make sacrifices and lots of them.
In my crazy mind, I thought my marriage was going to be mostly about me – that I would be the big priority. I was thinking my man was going to take care of me, protect me and cater to me. I had a challenge realizing, those same things I wanted, my husband desired also.
I had to be willing to give to my spouse or else it wouldn’t work.
He needed love, protecting, and having his needs met as well. Marriage isn’t one sided. We may have different roles within our marriage, but couples must make sacrifices.
You may have to do something you don’t necessarily want to do. Or you may have to say no to something you really want to say yes to, all for the love of your spouse. That’s sacrifice and it has to happen in your marriage, occasionally.
Advice: You may have to bite your tongue in several instances, for the sake of your partner.
Knowing your spouse, means you are familiar with their triggers and you don’t purposely do things that push them. We have to be in control of our words, the majority of the time. Although sometimes we may have the urge to get them told, it may be better for our marriage if we keep quiet instead.
Related: Check this out for how to argue effectively
Words have power, and we must be selective. In addition, we must be mindful of our tone and the intention behind the words we choose to say.
Advice: Your frustration may make you occasionally question your decision.
No one can frustrate us more sometimes than the man or woman we love. When they don’t listen or continue to repeat the same bad habits, it becomes easy to wonder if this should be our forever.
Knowing that the frustration or disappointments will happen no matter who you’re in a relationship with, will help you navigate through every marriage struggle. Couples should enter their marriage and decide divorce is not an option.
Advice: Forgiveness is an ongoing action needed in marriage.
Both you and your spouse will make mistakes, notice the “s” on the word, because there will be multiple ones made. You’ll have to do some forgiving as well as ask for it in return.
Matthew 12:21-22 reminds us of the following “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” Forgiveness is key to every married couple whose goal is a marriage till death do us part.
Advice: Marriage is more than sex.
Yes, it’s necessary, but so is connection and having a friendship. Your spouse should be your friend. And you know what happens in friendships right?
You like each other, talk about any and everything, make time for one another, and can totally and completely be yourselves around one another. That is a friendship, and your spouse should be your best friend with whom you trust everything.
Related: Try these 7 practices of highly intimate couples
I hate using the phrase marriage is work. It always makes me feel a certain way whenever I have to break that news to couples who are surprised that their marriage isn’t easier. But I can’t allow them to enter into these unions lightly.
Effort is needed in addition to love and commitment. You’ll have to put yourself second and make sure your spouse’s needs are the priority. Marriage will not work without both you and your partner being completely invested. While it does require work, it does feel absolutely amazing when it’s done with the right motivation and intention.
BMWK, what marriage advice do you feel no one shares, but should?
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