Having children, as wonderful as that experience is, alters a marriage. We have to replace spontaneity with planning and searching for sitters. We have to figure out where to get the energy from to satisfy our spouse.

Truth is, it’s challenging.

We can desire for all of these amazing things to happen in our marriage, and yet still not know how to specifically achieve those goals. Juggling both of our most important roles is not easy and the thought of it can sometimes be debilitating.

Related: 5 Marriage boundaries your family and friends should never cross

The good news is that you aren’t the only married parent who’s going through this. There is a large population of us. But here area few ideas that should help.

Explain to your children why mommy and daddy need alone time

When my girls would ask why my husband and I were going on another couples only trip, we would always answer honestly. Our girls needed to know that the two of us spending alone time together makes this whole family work.  

The stronger the couple the healthier the family. Remember, you’re setting a precedent for your children to mirror in their own marriages.

Delegate some of those parental responsibilities

by utilizing the help of other family members, if you can. One reason I absolutely adore my in laws is because they are such a huge help to us. They allow us to have our careers by picking up children from school and taking them to extra-curriculars.

It takes one of those worries off our plates. Find the relatives you trust and see if you can barter services. Maybe if they pick up kids for you, you can cook for them. Look for what works.

Ask other married parents how they make it work

We’ve seen other couples who seem to have it all together. Well I’m sure they had to create an action plan and put things in place so their system could work. Usually people are proud of accomplishments like that and would be happy to share.

Carve out time for you

We sometimes think that our time is only divided between our spouse and our children. But if we aren’t well we can’t take care of either.

Taking time for yourself to unwind, the way you see fit, is crucial to the success of all the other hats you wear. You can’t run around and play with those children if you’re unhealthy. You can’t be intimate with your spouse if you’re stressed. Take care of you first and foremost.

Related: 3 Great tips for dividing your time between your Boo and your Babes!

Seek resources that touch on this very subject

There is so much material to help us become better parents and spouses and we need to take advantage of them. From workshops to books and even seeking professionals who specialize on parenting and family, is all accessible to you. Reach out and get the help you need. We can’t be embarrassed about needing it. It was created because it was obviously a need of a large majority of couples.

The idea of managing a household, raising children, and pleasing a spouse can be overwhelming. But trust that you wouldn’t be in that position if you didn’t already have what you needed to be successful inside. Trust yourself, seek guidance and know you aren’t alone in what you’re experiencing. You got this!

BMWK, how do you balance marriage and parenting?