Whether you are single or married, if you’re a parent there is one other parent in this world you must build a healthy relationship with. It isn’t always easy, even when you are married, to be on the exact same page all the time.
My husband and I have slightly different parenting styles, and I must admit his way has garnered the most success. I would sometimes cringe at the tough love I felt he displayed with our children. I discovered that the reprimanding and the lengthy conversations along with the action items is just what they needed.
My husband takes his parenting responsibility seriously as I do; my approach leaned a little more toward trusting they would get it. Meaning I was a little more relaxed on how I disciplined them. Thinking a quick pep talk would do the trick without the necessary follow up resulted in plenty of repeat behavior. Children might respond to that positively at that moment, but in my experience it just doesn’t seem to register. And unfortunately they have come to expect that from me.
While I used to think being labeled the “fun or cool parent” was not such a bad thing, I am now recreating my mommy role into one that challenges my children even more. I found myself longing to be that tough parent, just like my husband.
Partnering with him and standing by those tough parenting decisions even when at times they feel a little uncomfortable is what is truly best for their growth. I know it will have a powerful impact on the women they will become. I am now following the wonderful example he is setting.
Nah we’re totally different and this is a great article Tiya. I mean a really great article. Kudos to you and Ken and especially to you for changing after realizing that there was room for growth. So often we refuse to move even when we know we need to. Hand clap for the Sumters.
Thanks Lamar! We appreciate your words. I have to admit, it was a struggle for me. Moms automatically think our way is right, we are supposed to always know the right thing to do when it comes to our children. But I am learning that’s not always the case.
My husband and I are totally different when it comes to parenting. I believe in tough Love and being firm when it comes to discipline, While my husband seem to be more relaxed and layed back. We have blended families, which makes it so much harder to deal with. Those of you who have blended families may be able to agree with me. Together we have three kids, two boys and one girl. Our Challenges comes from a difference of opinions when it comes to parenting. I think that as Parents, we should always have an open relationship with our kids, but make it plain and clear to the kids that we are NOT their friend and what we say goes, but at the same time, Im here for you Always. One of our kids seems to really test our patience. Always getting into trouble, costing us money to get him out of trouble, Always talking back when we speak with then about the issues, wont hold down a job, running from one house to the other when things arent going their way, and the list goes on. I feel that once a child reaches a certain age, and decides that he/she cant abide by the parents rules, then its time for them to move out on their own, because it will eventually take a toll on the marriage, especially when the biological and step parents arent pulling together to better the child. I believe that once a child learns how to manipulate his parents, and the parents allow it to happen, you’re all headed to distruction. We as parents needs to be on one accord when raising our children, and never let your kids hear you discussing your differences because they will use it against you, and your marriage will crumble.
This was a great post and i am taking mental notes!! I could not have read this at a better time (really today!) DeeDee04, I must agree that having a blended family makes things more challenging in ways that only another blended family can truly understand. The only difference is that we mirror the authors situation as far as my husband being more stern, believing that all talk and no walk is not going to result in any changes and my positive reinforcement tactics seem to to be ending in our son being good for a few weeks and then involved in something that wasn’t his fault all over again. My husband is not having it and is adamant that we need to straiten him out now before he even thinks were going to allow him to act up & that i am creating a pattern that will not be easily if ever broken. He is quite often labeled as a very good boy who is becoming easily influenced by his peers because he wants to be “cool” like them and not seen as a goody-two-shoes. I feel that he is only 12 and this is a normal at his age and he will realize that it’s okay to be the good one out of all of his friends. .My husband and i are not on the same page but i am not going to allow this to tear us apart (we have overcome worse). I know that with prayer and communication we will work this out. I would love any feedback.