We both have high expectations for the children, but his actions consistently mirrored those expectations. The girls respond and they take immediate action to make corrections, because it is what he requires and they realize they could do better. Doing it my way wasn’t working. It is important for them to see my husband and I better connected on the parenting front. Seeing us connected allows our girls to grow up in a household with parents who stand together and behind a certain way of disciplining. So in our home there will no longer be good cop or bad cop, but two lovingly concerned parents united.
Even if we weren’t married, I would still desire for my husband and me to demonstrate this type of co-parenting partnership. And we have great examples of this in our family. We have family members who are divorced but have made the conscious choice to have a healthy relationship for the sake of their children. There is a peace among them which allows the children to feel secure in the fact that both mom and dad are always there to support them no matter what has happened between the two of them. Children need to know that even if their parents no longer love one another they still love them and are willing to come together for their good. How strong of a message is that? It’s powerful and unselfish. Children who are able to grow up with that type of parenting are blessed all the more.
There are multiple ways to parent effectively. The bottom line is that the focus has to always be about the children and what would benefit them the most. This has to consistently be the ultimate goal for both parents.
BMWK family, how does it go down in your house? Are you both on the same page in terms of how you will parent?
Nah we’re totally different and this is a great article Tiya. I mean a really great article. Kudos to you and Ken and especially to you for changing after realizing that there was room for growth. So often we refuse to move even when we know we need to. Hand clap for the Sumters.
Thanks Lamar! We appreciate your words. I have to admit, it was a struggle for me. Moms automatically think our way is right, we are supposed to always know the right thing to do when it comes to our children. But I am learning that’s not always the case.
My husband and I are totally different when it comes to parenting. I believe in tough Love and being firm when it comes to discipline, While my husband seem to be more relaxed and layed back. We have blended families, which makes it so much harder to deal with. Those of you who have blended families may be able to agree with me. Together we have three kids, two boys and one girl. Our Challenges comes from a difference of opinions when it comes to parenting. I think that as Parents, we should always have an open relationship with our kids, but make it plain and clear to the kids that we are NOT their friend and what we say goes, but at the same time, Im here for you Always. One of our kids seems to really test our patience. Always getting into trouble, costing us money to get him out of trouble, Always talking back when we speak with then about the issues, wont hold down a job, running from one house to the other when things arent going their way, and the list goes on. I feel that once a child reaches a certain age, and decides that he/she cant abide by the parents rules, then its time for them to move out on their own, because it will eventually take a toll on the marriage, especially when the biological and step parents arent pulling together to better the child. I believe that once a child learns how to manipulate his parents, and the parents allow it to happen, you’re all headed to distruction. We as parents needs to be on one accord when raising our children, and never let your kids hear you discussing your differences because they will use it against you, and your marriage will crumble.
This was a great post and i am taking mental notes!! I could not have read this at a better time (really today!) DeeDee04, I must agree that having a blended family makes things more challenging in ways that only another blended family can truly understand. The only difference is that we mirror the authors situation as far as my husband being more stern, believing that all talk and no walk is not going to result in any changes and my positive reinforcement tactics seem to to be ending in our son being good for a few weeks and then involved in something that wasn’t his fault all over again. My husband is not having it and is adamant that we need to straiten him out now before he even thinks were going to allow him to act up & that i am creating a pattern that will not be easily if ever broken. He is quite often labeled as a very good boy who is becoming easily influenced by his peers because he wants to be “cool” like them and not seen as a goody-two-shoes. I feel that he is only 12 and this is a normal at his age and he will realize that it’s okay to be the good one out of all of his friends. .My husband and i are not on the same page but i am not going to allow this to tear us apart (we have overcome worse). I know that with prayer and communication we will work this out. I would love any feedback.