Note: Read the last article in this series here.
I spent most of 2012 attempting to allow myself to heal emotionally, spiritually and physically. I avoided most baby showers and as May 4th, my due date rolled around I was deeply depressed. I had signed up for e-mail lists and mailings for pregnant women while I was pregnant and it seemed like as soon as I thought I’d moved on, I’d get a “Your Baby is 1 month old” email or a “getting ready for labor” packet with sample diapers and formula. I had two friends who were also pregnant and due within two weeks of my due date. I would cry when I received baby shower invitations not because I wasn’t happy for them but because it was just a reminder of what I had lost. I felt singled out. I felt alone.
Toward the end of 2012 I started to feel like I was ready to try again. I started doing research and realized that I needed to change my health insurance in order to be covered for the pre-pregnancy TAC – transabdominal cerclage ( a procedure that helps to reinforce a weak cervix in an effort to keep the baby in the womb.) I switched over my health care in December of 2012. After conducting my research I realized that I did not want to get pregnant and do a “transvaginal cerclage.” There was no way that I could mentally prepare myself for such an invasive procedure while 12+ weeks pregnant. My research also revealed to me that the transvaginal cerclage had a much lower success rate than the pre-pregnancy TAC. I also liked the fact that the transabdominal cerclage was a one-time procedure that would last through multiple pregnancies and the only drawback was I’d have to have a c-section. I’d always dreamed of having a natural birth, but sometimes your dreams just aren’t practical. After scheduling my pre-pregnancy TAC with Dr. Arthur Haney, I had to wait for my insurance to improve the procedure.
His staff was very useful, as was the Abbyloopers site in helping me navigate that process. To get myself in baby mood, I started Pinterest Boards for nursery ideas, clothing and maternity style. It helped me to stay positive and hopeful. I’m also an avid scrapbooker, so I started collecting paper, stickers and embellishments to put in my future baby’s book. My surgery was scheduled for April 29, 2013. Right before it was time for me to go in, my husband received a call that his services were needed to help an artist complete an album. Due to no fault of his own he hadn’t been there when I miscarried in December of 2011, so I was willing to reschedule so that we could share this very important moment together.
Check back every other Wednesday for additional articles in this new series from Donnie Smith – “The Road to Reproduction” as she chronicles her journey to child birth. View previous articles here.
Hi Donnie. I’ve had a similar experience so I (as much as one can) empathize with you and wish you health and healing as you travel this path. It’s tough, but I encourage you not to give up on your dream of motherhood. As hard as child loss at any stage can be, the blessing of my little one now is worth the process of pushing through the discomfort (for lack of a better word). I want to encourage you to check out Fertility for Colored girls. A new organization in Chicago that seeks to support women (and couples) through the struggles with infertility, child loss, and alternate family building strategies.
https://www.fertilityforcoloredgirls.org
I am going thru infertility but I believe I’m more closer there than ever. I encourage because God is a healer. I have heard so many others testimonies I won’t stop believing God now. Jesus died on the cross for infertility. He knows the time to put the babies in our wombs. Try Lydia Pinkham. This one girl told me about them after she had a flat fallopian tube that wouldn’t work diagnosed by the doctors. After taking Lydia Pinkham pills for 3 months she got pregnant. The doctor said I had a blocked fallopian tube and other things but I’m believing the report of God that I am already healed..You are healed in Jesus name.Make sure you have a relationship with God and pray and spend time in God’s presence so He can speak to you. One of the greatest gifts God has given me is the holy spirit. I am filled with God’s holy spirit and I love praying in tongues. If you’re not ask God to give you the holy spirit because the Holy Spirit can show you things that you may not know. The Holy spirit is a guider.
Andrea, we went for fertility testing and was told we couldn’t conceive due to a block tube. 5 months later we conceieved. We experienced a loss a couple of months ago. Still born at 24 wks. I thank God for the miracle conception and I don’t limit HIM to just 1 miracle. I’m at his will and pray HIS will is for another conception. Stay encouraged
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