I spent most of 2012 attempting to allow myself to heal emotionally, spiritually and physically. I avoided most baby showers and as May 4th, my due date rolled around I was deeply depressed. I had signed up for e-mail lists and mailings for pregnant women while I was pregnant and it seemed like as soon as I thought I’d moved on, I’d get a “Your Baby is 1 month old” email or a “getting ready for labor” packet with sample diapers and formula. I had two friends who were also pregnant and due within two weeks of my due date. I would cry when I received baby shower invitations not because I wasn’t happy for them but because it was just a reminder of what I had lost. I felt singled out. I felt alone.
Toward the end of 2012 I started to feel like I was ready to try again. I started doing research and realized that I needed to change my health insurance in order to be covered for the pre-pregnancy TAC – transabdominal cerclage ( a procedure that helps to reinforce a weak cervix in an effort to keep the baby in the womb.) I switched over my health care in December of 2012. After conducting my research I realized that I did not want to get pregnant and do a “transvaginal cerclage.” There was no way that I could mentally prepare myself for such an invasive procedure while 12+ weeks pregnant. My research also revealed to me that the transvaginal cerclage had a much lower success rate than the pre-pregnancy TAC. I also liked the fact that the transabdominal cerclage was a one-time procedure that would last through multiple pregnancies and the only drawback was I’d have to have a c-section. I’d always dreamed of having a natural birth, but sometimes your dreams just aren’t practical. After scheduling my pre-pregnancy TAC with Dr. Arthur Haney, I had to wait for my insurance to improve the procedure.
His staff was very useful, as was the Abbyloopers site in helping me navigate that process. To get myself in baby mood, I started Pinterest Boards for nursery ideas, clothing and maternity style. It helped me to stay positive and hopeful. I’m also an avid scrapbooker, so I started collecting paper, stickers and embellishments to put in my future baby’s book. My surgery was scheduled for April 29, 2013. Right before it was time for me to go in, my husband received a call that his services were needed to help an artist complete an album. Due to no fault of his own he hadn’t been there when I miscarried in December of 2011, so I was willing to reschedule so that we could share this very important moment together.