“Time Heals all Wounds,” has got to be one of the most annoying sayings ever as far as I’m concerned. I’m not quite sure when it started, but it’s just not true. Although its origins are probably well intentioned, it really does set people up for a lifetime of pain and unresolved issues.
If you are married or in a serious relationship, there is a chance you’ve been hurt before. For some of us, that hurt may be more profound than others depending on what occurred, but pain is pain.
Or maybe the pain you are feeling has nothing to do with your mate but is related to a tragic life experience you’ve had. Maybe you were abused. Maybe you lost a loved one. Maybe you experienced the heartache of a miscarriage. Maybe you have depression or some other mental health issue that’s been disrupting your life.
When we fail to put in the work, we remain stuck.
Whatever the source of your pain is, you have to work through it. The root of the pain has to be addressed, and you have to develop a plan for managing the pain and moving on. Otherwise, you just stay stuck.
I know that sometimes it feels like maybe time can heal wounds, but it can’t. As a matter of fact, ignoring those wounds won’t just harm you, but it will cause a great deal of damage in your relationship. Sitting with unresolved pain, waiting for time to heal it, is a recipe for disaster.
So what can you do to heal your wounds instead of just waiting? Here are three things that may help.
Seek professional help.
I know there is a stigma attached with going to counseling or therapy in the black community, but I strongly urge anyone struggling with pain to move beyond that and seek help. Therapy can really help you identify the root of your pain, how it’s impacting your life, and what you can do to process the pain, heal the wound, and move on.
Work on yourself.
When we fail to put in the work, we remain stuck. So what does working on yourself even mean? It means focusing on wellness, exercising, going to therapy, staying involved in church, pursuing things you are passionate about, connecting with friends, and the list goes on and on. When we focus on personal growth, it allows us to have breakthroughs. Those breakthroughs help us process pain so we can move on to happier days.
Develop a strong support system.
I firmly believe you are as strong as your support system. Trying to walk through life and navigate pain alone is hard. Really, it’s unnatural. It’s not how God intended for us to live. You need a tribe, a group of people you can lean on for support, love, and encouragement. Having that allows you to experience all the goodness life has to offer, even when that goodness is clouded by indescribable pain. Your support system helps you survive and thrive.
It’s never too late to heal.
So for every person you know who brags about how time healed their wounds, please know that it’s just not true. That person put in some work. Maybe they don’t want you to know how hard it was, or maybe they honestly don’t even realize what they did. But know that work was involved. It always is.
And in the end, no matter how much pain you are in or how long it’s been a burden in your life, find solace in the fact that it’s never too late to do the work. It’s never too late to heal. Maybe time did you wrong, but with the right decisions, you will find your way back to peace.
BMWK family, how have you healed your wounds? Do you believe time heals all wounds?