By: Sharelle Guyton
During year six of my dead end, on again-off again relationship, I was losing hope that one day I would be blessed with the marriage and family that I desired. After another break up, the most troubling part was I felt this wasn’t just any ex. We both felt led to marry one another but our methods only caused destruction. I began analyzing the patterns of my past relationships and I was overwhelmed with sorrow.
The built-up frustration and sadness brought me to my knees and I began to pray. While praying, I felt a nudge to persevere and keep searching for a solution.
While on my quest for a brighter future, I found myself on a relationship advice website. I stumbled across a powerful tip titled the “30 Day No Contact Rule.” This rule suggests that instead of trying to fix your unhealthy relationship, you courageously walk away and eliminate all contact. By doing so for at least 30 days, your ex will start to pursue you and likely desire to rekindle your relationship.
Immediately after reading the article I was not sure what result I would get by really walking away this time. I was not even sure if I wanted my ex back, but I figured having the option couldn’t hurt. There was nothing to lose and I was willing to try just about anything to get free. Without flinching, I left my broken relationship and began putting my focus on the one relationship that could make me whole – my relationship with God.
What happened next radically changed my life. The cycle broke once and for all and ultimately inspired my ex to marry me! Here were some key elements of my personal breakthrough:
I Regained the Power I Once Lost
By walking away I had already changed my life. I decided this was no longer what I wanted. There was no need to be held hostage in an unhealthy relationship. I could be free from the emotional turmoil on MY terms. I came to realize that no person should have that kind of power over my emotions.
I Began the Healing Process Immediately
Finally, I could breathe again. I began healing from past hurt and pain. There was no time for blame shifting or making excuses. I explored the areas of my life that were keeping me stuck in this cycle. I was no angel and knew there was a reason why I could not shake this pattern. I relentlessly prayed and asked God to show me the areas of my life that needed to change. Once they were revealed, I worked on them one at a time. As you can imagine, the list was LONG!
I Gained the Clarity I Needed
I could now see! I gained clarity, not only in the areas of my life that needed improvement, but it was revealed that I was going about marriage preparation all wrong. After walking away, it was now clear that I was attempting to replace my emotional voids with the idea of marriage and family instead of with a genuine relationship with God. Once I sincerely put Him first, everything else began to fall into place.
On my self-growth journey, my ex became attracted to the person I was becoming. He asked that we give it one last try. This time, it was on my terms and I could make a wise decision about whether I truly wanted to be with him. We spent about six months becoming new and whole separately. Now married a year and a half and in a healthy marriage with a beautiful 8-month-old son, the rest is history – most importantly, so is the brokenness!
Watch “How I Got my Ex to Marry Me” below to hear more about the 30 Day No Contact Rule and how it changed my life.
About the Author: Sharelle Guyton has a Master’s degree in Human Development and Family Studies and is currently earning a PhD in the same field at the University of Delaware. Sharelle enjoys sharing her journey to marriage and the knowledge she has acquired with single and married women alike. She and her husband have a son and currently live in Silver Spring, MD. Follow her on Instagram @sharelleguyton and subscribe to her YouTube channel, relationshiftTV.