I’m a little behind, but I just watched an episode of Oprah’s Next Chapter with LL Cool J. It was an amazing conversation. LL and his wife Simone shared a few tips on the success of their 25 year marriage. Simone mentioned what really makes it work is 1) putting God first 2) comprise and 3) picking your battles. She also mentioned how they discovered the limits that shouldn’t be crossed in their relationship. Simone was referring to LL’s video “Doin it.” She told him since they were married certain things were no longer acceptable, and women licking LL’s face in the video was one of them.
I don’t like to call them rules because it sounds too harsh. And most people frown upon the idea of rules, especially in a relationship. So we’ll refer to them as limits. When you think about your own relationship, what are some of the limits that you and your spouse have decided are not to be crossed in your marriage? Each relationship has its own set of boundaries and limits. Sometimes they are unspoken and other times they may have been expressed verbally. However it is declared, there will be relationship trouble if that limit is ever pushed. What works for some doesn’t necessarily work for others.
In my own marriage my husband and I also have unspoken limits. They include always speaking to each other with respect (meaning no yelling or cursing), no staying out all night (meaning the sun cannot beat us home), and no making big decisions without referring to the other partner. These are just a few, but staying within these specific limits has strengthened our relationship. Of course in order to get to this place we had to unfortunately experience a few of those to know that they wouldn’t benefit us as a couple. Once we had the understanding and began to eliminate those behaviors the better off we were.
Having certain limits is healthy for a strong marriage. It speaks to each spouse’s needs and concerns and demonstrates respect. If most of us were clear on the big no no’s in the beginning of our relationship we could likely cut down on a lot of unnecessary drama.
BMWK — What are the limits in your marriage?
Wow, I love this article. The reason why is because everyone sees things differently; even in relationships. You assume that you both know what’s respectful and what’s not-the things that shouldn’t be done to someone; but unfortunately that’s not always the case. My fiancé and I are going to have this talk tonight and establish limits we both agree on for our relationship. Thank you Tiya!
It’s important to discuss the boundaries in your marriage. My husband and I established those boundaries (or limits) from the onset of our relationship.