In order for a couple to decide divorce is their only option, something had to be seriously broken in that relationship. That couple also had to make a decision that their partnership wasn’t worth saving.
As much pain as we see from those who have experienced heartbreak and divorce, there are still quite a few lessons to learn for those of us who are willing to fight the good fight to heal, protect and save our unions. Here are just a few:
Be willing to learn from your partner and understand their perspective.
So, his perspective might be a little different from yours; that’s okay. Couples must learn how to accept each other and move forward despite differences. Remember, you and your partner were raised in two different households.
How you view the world and the people in it, will differ.
You must be willing to take yourself out of your own mind and step into your partner’s shoes every once in a while. A relationship can’t work if it’s lopsided. Both partners matter and we have to learn them, love them, and accept them.
Don’t give up so easily.
Calling it quits is the easiest thing you can do in a relationship. Do you already have one foot in and one foot out? It doesn’t make much sense to continue a relationship you felt was doomed from the very beginning.
Instead, why not enter your union with expectancy and both feet completely in. Invest in it, pour into it, and build it. Expect it to work out. Expect it to be healthy and survive.
Fight for your marriage.
Don’t ignore the big and bold signs that indicate “my marriage is in trouble”. When the two of you haven’t communicated in days, the intimacy is gone, and you both seem okay with it, there is a serious problem.
If you are only physically present in your partnership, you’re in for a rude awakening. There are things that actually have to happen in a relationship.
- Physical connection
- Commitment, honesty
The moment you notice there is a challenge with any of those areas, inform your partner and seek help.
Don’t be selfish.
Consider everyone who gets hurt when you don’t show up properly in your marriage – your spouse and your children. Children are learning marriage techniques by watching their parents. If there are behaviors we don’t want them to repeat in their own lives, we must eliminate them from ours.
We must teach them the value of marriage and how to build a healthy one. We must also consider the heartbreak divorce causes a child. Some children never fully recover and it affects their ability to excel in their education and how they connect and relate to others. Children and their well being should be a top priority as we make any decisions regarding our relationship.
Bring solutions to the table.
Think about what you can do better to heal your marriage. It’s important to own your good, bad, and ugly. In creating solutions, finger pointing will prevent a couple from making progress.
When communicating, make reasonable requests to your partner about what your needs are that aren’t currently being met. Always remember to be loving in your approach and to pause when you aren’t feeling as loving.
Divorce sucks and it should be removed completely from the choices relating to your marriage. Couples must be honest about any challenges, be forgiving toward their spouse, and be willing to do all that’s necessary to maintain a strong, thriving marriage.
BMWK, what additional lessons do you think we can learn from divorced couples.