Dear Dr. Buckingham,

My guy friend often tells me that he is for me and has my back. Usually I am a good read of character, but for some reason I cannot figure him out. He acts a little self-centered at times so I am not sure that he is ready to be in a committed relationship. I say this because he likes to do things for and by himself.

However, he is smart, has great qualities and a very positive vibe. I really like him, but I cannot get a good read on his mentality. I do not want to end up in a relationship with a man who is more into himself than me and our relationship. What Kind of Mentality Should I Look for in My Future Spouse?

Ms. Mind Reader

Dear Ms. Mind Reader,

I am glad that you asked this very important question. Unfortunately, a large percentage of women do not spend time trying to figure out a man’s mentality. In my opinion this is very sad because a man’s way of thinking influences emotional disposition and overall behavior.

Nevertheless, when selecting a mate or partner always look for an individual with a teamwork mentality. There are a lot of other important mindsets as well, but you definitely do not want to bond with an individual who places I in team.

You can determine if a man is right for you by paying attention to whether or not he supports what you want for yourself. I believe that one of the most telling factors in a relationship is whether or not each partner feels supported.

Because we are unique individuals, it is impossible to always be on on the same page. For example, what I want for myself might differ from what my spouse wants. However, I let my wife know that I support what she wants by listening to her and offering suggestions that will meet her needs.

The ability to see beyond one’s own needs is the key to creating a balanced and healthy relationship that is filled with support and admiration.

There is a saying, “That Team Work makes the Dream Work”. We all dream about making our relationships last forever.  And achieving this dream can only be accomplished by working together. A man who possesses a teamwork mentality will use his individual skills to elevate his life, his spouse and his relationship.

Continue to look beyond the surface as you search for your lifetime partner because what is easy on your eyes may not be easy on your heart. Good luck!

Best regards,

Dr. Buckingham

If you have questions for Dr. Dwayne Buckingham regarding relationships (married, single, etc), parenting, or personal growth and development, please send an email to [email protected]

Disclaimer: The ideas, opinions and recommendations contained in this post are not intended as a substitute for seeking professional counseling or guidance. Any concerns or questions that you have about relationships or any other source of potential distress should be discussed with a professional, in person. The author is not liable or responsible for any personal or relational distress, loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or recommendations in this post.