Are you feeling a little overwhelmed in your relationship? Is all the effort to keep your marriage afloat usually added by you? Does your spouse seem disinterested in the healing and rebuilding of your partnership? If any of this sounds familiar, allow this post to minister to you and be encouragement for your marriage.
First of all, pray, pray and pray some more for forgiveness, healing and restoration. Also, please know you are not alone. Recognizing that other couples are experiencing similar challenges relieves a little of the shame you may be feeling. The doubt and guilt can be crippling. One can get so caught up in that space it’s difficult to see your relationship moving beyond that point. In addition to frustration, this type of thinking causes stubbornness and an unwillingness to see another’s perspective.
It’s difficult to move forward when you’re stuck. It’s also easy to remain stuck if you believe you’re the only one fighting to save your union. Stop thinking that, even if you feel it’s true. If we looked at it from a different angle, we’d notice we’re doing exactly what we’re supposed to be doing for our relationship. If our marriage is important to us, then we absolutely should be pouring our everything into it. The question that must be answered is, is this marriage and this person worth the fight? Quite naturally when our partner is slacking, we also want to throw in the towel. I’d like to challenge you to not only hold on to that towel a little bit longer, but also use it to wipe away the sweat. It’s going to take work to resuscitate your marriage. A spouse who loves you but struggles with knowing exactly how to demonstrate it, may be worth the sacrifice.
Ask yourself how important it is for your partner to display the exact same type of effort you do. Determine if what you’ve witnessed already is your spouse’s way of contributing, whether or not it leads to the same result and if its good enough for you. If it is not, ask yourself why not?
Once these truths are uncovered, it’s time to focus on the relationship. Lovingly grab your spouse and explain why you feel your marriage is worth the energy, what you’re willing to give and ask him/her to share as well. Once you both decide you’re invested, the work will seem a little easier.
Remember not every challenge will be resolved in just one conversation. Get the investment and then answer the statement below together.
In order for our marriage to work I have to (Fill in the blank) and my spouse has to (Fill in the blank).
Then you have to actually do whatever you promised you would. You must also envision you and your spouse in a healthy marriage. Create a clear picture in your mind of the details of your healthy union. Who’s doing what? How are you both behaving? Begin to imagine you and your spouse succeeding in love and watch it manifest.
Determining why you are willing to put in the effort in the first place speaks volumes on what you think about your marriage. It’s important to also guide your partner in discovering the same. Expect a great marriage and then act and show your spouse how to act accordingly.
Great Article! Although I agree with your article and sticking it out for the sake of the marriage/relationship, I had to end my relationship. I had been in a relationship for years that wasn’t going anywhere. I was there 100% and in it 100% ‘holding’ US up. For me it was loving her male, but for him it was opportunity. I finally realized it in 2012, cried daily and blamed myself for a year. I let it go and moved on because there was nothing else that I could have done to make that ‘lationship’ work. Now I’m single and good with that status because I now know better.