Have you ever known a person who zaps the energy right out of a room whenever they enter? Or what about that person who seems to create the energy once they enter? It’s typically one of the two reactions: either people are excited to see you coming or look forward to the moment you leave. Which person are you normally and especially in your relationship?
It may not be easy to admit, but if you are reading this and are starting to feel slightly convicted there might be something to examine. Those that drain the relationship don’t actually intend to or even feel like they do, but the reality is they do and it is time to make a few changes.
The evidence doesn’t lie. Here are the signs to look for:
The Consumer
AKA the Leech seems to securely attach themselves to their partner. This individual demands a great deal of attention and in some sense dominates the relationship. They consume the relationship with an urgency of their needs being met. This person rarely considers the needs of the other person. Their spouse’s entire existence becomes about fulfilling their desires. The other partner is relied on so heavily this relationship can actually consume them, leaving them drained and depleted. In this setting a relationship can go downhill fairly quickly. A spouse’s role is to add to their partner’s life by meeting certain needs and bringing peace and joy to the marriage. But this commitment has to be delivered by both individuals. Remember after we take care of one another, we all need our own space. We also have to have an existence outside of our spouse. Individuals must learn how to enjoy and entertain themselves and respect the fact that our mate also has a life outside of us.
The Supplier
Is a positive spirit that delivers a healthy energy to the relationship. This individual focuses on giving. The give is in time, thought, consideration and support. Can you imagine the power that would exist if both partners adopted this concept? We all want to experience a partnership that generates positivity, joy and peace. Our relationship should be a place we look forward to spending our time, one we are eager to get back home to. When the rest of the world is done beating up on us, this is where we are restored. Who wouldn’t want a love like this?
Consider the energy you bring to your partnership, marriage and all of your relationships. Now take an honest assessment of how you show up. If you are definitely a supplier, you are in a great place. But if you find yourself falling under the consumer category, don’t be discouraged. You have the power to turn your situation around. You first have to possess the desire. Just remember both you and your mate deserve a union filled with positive energy.
BMWK, are you a consumer or a supplier of the energy in your relationship?
Wendy M. says
Great article Tiya!
Tiya says
Thanks Wendy!
Keesha says
This is really good Tiya. My reality is that people spend time in both roles..human nature and situations (stress, job, etc) can cause people who are normally suppliers to turn into consumers, and vice versa. We need to pay attention to our significant other’s needs (communicate concern). We all get down and emotionally needy at times, and a working relationship say’s “I’ll cheer for you, you cheer for me”..because life is hard for us all. No one should consistently zap the life and joy out of their relationship! Negative energy at home is very hard to deal with, and eradicate…..
Tiya says
I completely agree, we all have been in both roles. Making sure we are being the supplier more often than not is key!
Andriea ISH says
I love this article! It made me re-evaluate my relationship.
Tiya says
Thanks Andriea!
Ja'von says
Thanks for this! I have become “The Consumer”, and this makes me re-evaluate my relationship and also myself. I have become this person that I know he doesn’t like. And after reading this article…it made me see what I have become. This was never done on purpose,but I have notice that he could be happy one minute and after I walk in the room its a different story. I want him to be excited about our relationship again and look forward to seeing me.
Tiya says
Ja’von,
Thanks for your honest comment. It’s sounds like it’s time to talk about it and ask yourself a few serious questions.
1. How did you arrive at this place?
What happened to cause you to become this person?
2. You mentioned this new you is someone your spouse doesn’t like, how do you feel about her?
3. Do you truly want change?
4. What specifically needs to change to improve the situation and what all are you willing to do to improve the situation?
5. Are you clear on what your spouse wants?