I have never really been one of those really big complainers. I normally go with the flow and look for the silver lining in even my most challenging of situations. However, life and relationships always bring certain circumstances into our existence that drives even the best of us into complaint mode. Going into detail about something we were disappointed about is natural. But knowing who to have these conversations with is what’s most important.
When sharing our lives with another person it is almost a guarantee that they, at some point, are going to drive us absolutely crazy. On occasion their bad habits are going to feel unbearable. They are going to say or do something we don’t like or we’re going to be of the opinion that they have not considered our feelings. Various events will take place during the course of a relationship to stretch us, challenge us, and yes provide a reason to complain.
But before we run off to grumble we must take each of the following into consideration:
The thing we want to whine about can actually be resolved if we simply communicate it to our partner. We must be willing to turn complaint mode into solution thinking.
If we still feel the urge to vent, we must be careful in selecting the person with whom we will share. This person should be trustworthy, honest, values marriage and truly loves us. Unfortunately, not everyone in our lives is rooting for our marriage success. Once we determine who those individuals are we make a mental note and are mindful of the information we share with that person.
Take a deep breath and meditate over the situation prior to sharing it with someone other than your spouse. Enjoying our alone time in a quiet and peaceful space allows us to completely clear our minds in order to regroup and refocus.
Asking ourselves what we stand to gain by complaining is an instant eye opener. We immediately see that we don’t normally feel any better as a result. So why even waste our time.
As we continue on this life and relationship journey we can’t lose sight of what is truly important. Being loved and giving love is what most of us seek. The focus should be on what is working in our relationships and adding more of that instead of focusing on what isn’t working without creating a realistic solution.
BMWK family, who do you complain to about your relationship? Has complaining to others ever backfired on you?
ttjam says
this couldnt have come at a better time. i experienced this first hand this past saturday and all of your suggestions came into play. i will be book marking this article for future reference.
Tiya Sumter says
Thank you, I hope it continue to helps.
Alena says
This is a great article. I think it is interesting that the picture shows a bunch of women together with light hearted expressions possibly sharing gossip with each other. I will say that women’s relationships from the perspective of how the media portrays us is very negative. I have tried to evaluate how we as women can go from being great comrades with another woman to hating her another minute. I think the issues the article hits on are correct trust is a big deal more than likely for everyone. Trust takes time to build with another person, years in my opinion, and in getting to know someone you find out who they are around most of their time (you are who you hang out with), and what their beliefs area. I say this alot most of us do not know how to have a sisterhood so to speak. Women tend to bond over petty shallow things while sharing personal issues with another person (like marriage concerns) they thought they knew but did not. And this is probably why we can be very susceptible to not having that same ‘friend’ a month from now. Just like it takes time to find the right mate it takes time to find the type of people you can call a ‘friend’ and in keeping on topic with this article a trustworthy one, as there are all types of categories you can place a friend in there is a place for the people you just gossip with. It’s important to not mix them up with the person you can confide in because if they gossip about everyone else to you, you can bet they gossip about you to everyone else.
Tiya Sumter says
Alena, great point. I agree. I don’t take my friendships lightly. It is a must that I am able to trust you and I do determine that by observing how you treat your other friendships.
Sam P says
Wow! This was so needed for me this weekend. Thank you for wonderful tips and pointers. We must remember that everyone isn’t rooting for the best for us and that we must first talk to God about whats going on and bothering us before we vent to other parties. Talk to your spouse and work out a solution that will work best for the both of you!
Tiya Cunningham-Sumter says
Sam,
Well said!
dee says
first of all i didnt say AWWWWW your to young but congrats on being a man