“This aint the movies and this aint Hollywood!” I had to say “PREACH!” when I came across this video from Comedian KevOnStage where he talked about how he hates the whole ‘relationship goals’ movement that we see on social media.
I often say that it’s the promise of perfection that leads us to the death of divorce. I believe that one of the reasons many relationships fail is because we have no staying power. Social media and movies promise us perfection. And then when we are faced with the realities of marriage, we panic and run. We have no SKILLS or WILL to survive the many seasons that come with marriage so we end up lost, frustrated, and separated.
We have to start being honest about some of the things that you can possibly go through in marriage and then be conscious about providing coping skills to help! Here are a few situations that marriages go through every day but you don’t see it on Facebook!
What You Won’t See on Facebook
1. Miscarriages & Inability to Have Children
Many couples work so hard to plan their family and to try and have children. They use ovulation calendars and all sorts of techniques and try for years to conceive. Many aren’t even successful. Then even if it does happen, according to the American Pregnancy Association approximately 25% of pregnancies will end in miscarriage. These two things have a profound impact on a marriage and the psyche of the two people in the marriage; but you never see these topics on Facebook.
2. Leeching Family Members
No matter what people say when you get married, ultimately, you end up marrying that person’s family as well. Those family members always find themselves in your marital business and in your marital bank accounts and pockets. This cousin and that cousin are down on their luck and always need help, this aunt and uncle might get evicted if you don’t help them pay this or that bill. Eventually it drains your heart and your pockets and can drain your marriage if you don’t know how to handle it.
The goal isn’t to never have problems the goal is to be able to overcome them together!
3. Surviving Infidelity
Truth of the matter is that infidelity happens but what you don’t know is that more than 50% of marriages that experience infidelity survive it. However, you don’t know the realities of what they go through to make it survive. No one is talking about the emotional rollercoaster or the counseling or the work they had to put in, all you would think is that every time there is infidelity there is divorce.
4. Financial Struggles
Stuff happens! People get laid off, the car breaks down unexpectedly, renters of your properties move out, the IRS starts coming for your money because of those student loans…money problems! There are some real financial struggles that happen in marriage, but surviving those struggles takes planning and work, skill and care. The goal isn’t to never have problems the goal is to be able to overcome them together!
5. When you feel like roommates
Sometimes you get so busy in marriage that you start to feel more like roommates than husband and wife. Days go by without kissing, hugging, dating, or sex. Weeks can go by without feeling that lustful feeling you always felt for your mate. This happens, but it doesn’t mean the marriage is over, it just means you have to be intentional about bringing those feelings back because they are still there!
They won’t tell you about those realities on Facebook, and no…these are not relationship goals. But real #RelationshipGoals should be knowing how to work to through your problems together. growing from your problems, and then having an even stronger relationship for it.
Marriage is easy when everything is going well, but the true value and test of marriage comes in when you can survive the seasons. When you get past just the physical attraction and the cutesy posted pictures and get into the true intimacy that comes with building a life together that’s filled with happy and sad times; that’s the beauty of marriage — #RealtionshipGoals!