During my visit home, I was able to spend quality “girls’ time” with my closest friends. It was not all of the crew, because it wasn’t planned. As usual, we laughed and giggled enough to fill in for the others! Every year, it is our intent to get together and take a “girls trip”. As of late, it has only been couple of us (or no trip at all) due to “bad timing”, finances, birth of children, life changes, etc. We feel as though these trips are necessary so that we can have that girlfriend bonding time and let our hair down – literally.
When I talk about these trips to some people I get, “But you’re married.” Or, “How does your husband feel about these [girls’] trips?” I even had one older gentlemen tell me that taking such trips was not in line with what a married woman should be doing. Of course, I shrug all of those comments off and proceed to book my flights and reserve the next excursion. Grant it, I didn’t grow up hearing about or seeing married women in my life partake in these events, but that was a different time. Nowadays, its extremely common for your “circle” of girlfriends to live all over the U.S., making it impossible to get together often without major planning and coordination.
In the true spirit of friendship, these little break aways can be quite a blessing! Especially when you’re with other married/virtuous women. I personally find it very therapeutic to off-load to trusted friends. Having high expectations for yourself to be a good wife and mother can sometimes be exhausting, yet rewarding. So, surrounding yourself with women who encourage, embrace and emulate being a good spouse is who you want to have in your circle. If not, you run the risk of focusing on all the negative things about your marriage/your spouse and going back home with an attitude! (Let’s not…)
In our home, I’m not the only one anticipating an annual voyage sans the family. My husband also looks forward to his annual “guys’ trip”. Which, now that I think about it, hardly ever gets cancelled, postponed or re-scheduled.(Go figure!) Year after year, the same group of married men get together, tailgate an NFL game and party hard all weekend long. Believe it or not, I encourage this. I look at it as a way for my husband to “decompress”, relax with his buddies and just unwind. I also see it as opportunity for him to listen to all the other marital problems. So whatever I do, just won’t seem so bad! (I kid!)
Do I believe in quality time and romantic getaways with your significant other? Of course I do! Do I also believe in getting the girls together to luxuriate in the kid-free/husband-free zone with non-stop laughs, hugs and celebration of each other? Yes, I do! You should encourage your spouse to take time away from the throes of everyday life. Send your mate off with his fraternity brothers or childhood friends to re-fuel and come back relaxed and renewed. While this is isn’t for everyone, it works for us!
BMWK, what are your thoughts? Do you take a guys’/girls’ trip? Do you see a problem with this?
Rachee says
I’m not married anymore but I am in a serious relationship and I totally agree with partner free getaways. Even as part of a duo you are still an individual and you need some time to be yourself.
Sheree says
I agree Rachee! Thanks for the comment!
Sonya Meyers says
I personally think that it is extremely important for a married couple to have some girl/ guy time apart….. I encourage my husband to go out and have I time..
Sheree says
Me too! Thanks for the comment Sonya!
nylse says
it works for me; it works for us.
we are past the 20 year mark and these little getaways whether its work or fun – give us a breather and make us appreciate what we have more.
there are always those that don’t understand – but they don’t need to as long as it works for the two of you that’s what matters.
Sheree says
Thanks for the comment nylse!
Tamira says
I so agree with you. This is a necessity in our household. We both look forward to our annual trip kid/spouse free for the same reasons you stated…just to unwind and regroup. It’s makes a big differencece in your relationship and household in general.
Sheree says
Happy wife/mom = Happy House!
Joyce says
My husband and I have been married 32 years. I understood what my mother told me as a teenager, “You have to continue a relationship just as you started.” If we lose sight of our core personality how do we continue to be the person our partner was attracted to in the first time. Bottom line, losing yourself can be devastating in more ways than one. Since my daughters are women with lives and families of their own, I began to think we needed to take time to hang out together. No children, no husbands. I apply that same theory to my grandchildren. I date them too. Individually and in groups. I believe we all benefit from nurturing the different aspects of each relationship. These times may be difficult to arrange, but, the dividends from stepping away from our core “roles” and environments more than make up for any sacrifices made to assure our relationships and bonds continue to nourish who we are and who we want to become. My best friend from high school is still a part of my life today. She was my confidante and sounding board then and remains so today. Grow up, absolutely, just remember who helped you become the person you are today.
Sheree says
Joyce its so important to not lose yourself! Thanks for the comment!
Niambi says
It’s important to have balance in life, including in your marriage.
Sheree says
Thanks for the comment.
T.H. says
So here’s the question. I notice that all women have responded to this posting and everyone agrees it’s a good things in speaking of themselves. Do you feel the same way about your husband taking a trip with ‘the fellas’? Is it a good thing or do you worry at all about them ‘getting into trouble’. Maybe my own experience is different than others out there, but from what I’ve seen, women always think it’s a great thing for the ‘girls’ to go on their trips and hang out, but the ‘fellas’ get a bad rap as if their trips are always about going out to ‘sow their oats’. Even if he’s never given a reason for that concern, there’s always that suspicion and it’s justified by the typical “all men cheat” mindset. I support the trips and ‘girl time’ especially with mine being a Stay at Home Mom…she needs her space and sanity too… I don’t take ‘guy’ trips but I travel on business a lot so I always get a couple of days a month where I get ‘away’ as she calls it. Years ago, this was an argument point, but we talked through it and I came to understand her point. We don’t argue about it and I’m fine with it since I trust her fully and have never had a reason not to. She’s done the trips and it’s no big deal. It took more for me to get through it the first time because we’d never been apart like that, but I’m cool with it and see the good in it (trust and faith can be tested – and we passed). But back to the point… I guess to the ladies.. you agree with it FOR YOU…but what about your husband/significant other? How do you feel about him taking the trip?
Sheree says
Trust is a must. The rest will follow. These types of things should even playing ground. You already know my take on it! Thanks for commenting.
Tikeetha says
Yes, I agree that husbands should take guys only trips. My husband and I have been married for 10 years. I just started doing girls only trips at year 9. It took me having a baby to realize that my life got so hectic I didn’t have time for my girlfriends. That being said, he kept our 3 year old while me and my girlfriends enjoyed a fun filled weekend in Puerto Rico. He also enjoys guy getaways where they meet in San Francisco or New York without their wives to just hang out. I think strengthing your relationships with your friends is just as important as strengthing your relationship with each other.
Katherine G says
I don’t see a problem with spouse free getaways. I think time away from each other is good. I have never done this myself just simply because I don’t have any friends and hubby doesn’t either for the same reason. I think couples should do what works for them and not judge others.
Sheree says
Thanks for commenting Katherine!
Tiya Cunningham-Sumter says
They are an absolute must!
Sheree says
Very necessary! Thanks for the comment.
LaWanda says
I love this as I truly agree with you. I have only been married 8 months and hope/believe that we will do the same.
Donna says
I am so glad to see this post. My spouse and I are currently having a disagreement about this now. Before we got married he was ok with the girl trips, now that we are married he has a problem with it. I have had a girl trip planned for 6 months and its 4 days away and he has told me if I go on the girl trip there is a possibility I will come back getting a divorce and I dont think that is far. He doesn’t have friends to hang out with like that, so he doesn’t want me to go.
Chyna says
I agree. Sometimes, you just need a husband free (and if you have kids, kid-free) time…and that makes you appreciate the time you have with your family even more.
Roger Melvin says
Maybe this makes me an old fogey, but I love my wife and 15 year old son and have zero desire to”get away” from them. I work one job with a side gig and when I have time I want to spend it with my family. I have a solid group of friends I have known for years and I see them every week, but it’s in town. I have an active lifestyle and it has led to lasting friendships enjoyed by everyone in my family. I don’t mind my wife and child going out with friends without me, but do I feel it does any good for my wife to run off on weekend getaway without me? I personally don’t but since”Girls Trip,”all of s sudden she wants to get away every chance she gets. I believe there should be “Couples Trips’ with guys and girls can spend time in separate groups and come back together to spend time together, but why exclude your life partner altogether? Also let’s be real. There’s temptation out there; it’s easy with friends to get a little bolder out there and succumb to a quick hookup when your significant other isn’t there. Personally I have seen this happen too many times with folks around me to even kid myself. I guess I will have to tolerate my wife’s need to join in this new fad, but I have no need to get away from my wife, or family. I love them and would lay my life down for them and they both know l would.
Benjamin Leroy says
I would like to add a counterpoint to this idea of vacations without your spouse, because I feel like most people are just going along with the idea that is good good good; and if you don’t agree then you need to change your thinking. I would ask you to please try to understand that to be told your wife or husband wants to”take a break from you,”‘ can be downright hurtful on so many levels. On some level your spouse could very well feel like their spouse is getting bored with them. The wife who has had children and doesn’t have her girlish figure anymore after 9 years of work and children or the husband who no longer has washboard abs and now has a bald spot. Suddenly your husband wants to hang out with buddies in Las Vegas without you. A wife who wants to hang out poolside in s bikini without you while other men who are on the prowl can eye her without her husband around. When you are away,in what is essentially a vulnerable position the thoughts of your significant other will likely go to unpleasant places. So please people go easy on your partner; please consider how this plays around in your partners head and don’t just conclude that they are insecure and need to get with the program. You guys take care of each other out there.