Probably like many of you, I consume a lot of social media content. I watch a lot of videos and listen to a lot of podcasts.
Recently, a video caught my attention that promised to tell the one and only reason why men cheat as told by a woman. Did it matter that a woman was uncovering this reason?
I will admit, it did make it interesting to hear how women form ideas about men in general from their personal interactions. Though I’m a man and have some idea why men cheat, I was intrigued and wanted to know what the one reason was that she was so sure of. I took the bait. Here’s what I found.
“The one reason that men cheat is because they choose to.” That was the answer given. Many other women seemed to agree with her from the comments I read.
Of course, I had trouble with that answer. The problem I find with this assessment is that, while the act of cheating does require a man to make a choice, the choice itself is not a reason. It may be a response. A reason gives an explanation, a cause, and in some cases justification for an action. Disclaimer: I believe there is never a justification for cheating, none.
No choice is ever made without a reason for the choice whatever that choice may be. It helps to know the reason behind the choice; this, at least, helps you to understand the man responsible for the choice.
For example: Some years back, I had a coworker who I knew stepped out on his wife. Out of sincere curiosity, I asked him why he cheated. His response to me was, “To see if the sword is still sharp.”
What does that mean? He was willing to risk his marriage to test his skills on “foreign soil.” What would motivate a man to such a huge risk that could cost him everything ? What fuels this kind of “fool’s fire?”
The Measure of A Man
How a man views himself is based upon two things: how he measures himself within and how others that matter see him. Neither are mutually exclusive.
Popular culture provides a very unhealthy model of manhood. Young men learn that their ability to conquer women sexually is a measurement of their manhood. The more women they can conquer sexually, the more of a man they can prove themselves to be.
I believe this to be far from true; it’s a gross distortion of authentic manhood. When a man views women as objects/trophies to prove their sexual virility and thus their manhood, it becomes easy to track the course that leads to this illicit behavior.
Boys grown physically to become men. But sadly, some only grow biologically while maintaining the attributes and responsibilities of boys.
In these cases, I believe those who cheat do so to prove themselves to be men. But I believe cheating does not make a man. It can’t. It’s the antithesis of manhood. The true measure of a man is shown in his ability to honor his commitments.
A Good Man
A good man has a different understanding of what it means to be a man. He does not measure himself by the inches he can give to a woman. He measures himself by a higher standard. Manhood requires more of him, much more.
And it is my belief that a man when confronted with temptation will make the one and only choice that a real man would ever make. That choice would be to do whatever it takes to honor his relationship, values and commitments.
BMWK, why do you think men cheat?
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