A while back, Lamar and I were featured on Cocoa Mode with Shawna Renee on XM169. During the show, we discussed Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher, the couple that has been married for over 85 years who say God and the church were instrumental to keeping them together. Shawna then opened the phone lines and asked elders who were married for 30+ years to share secrets to a successful happy and lasting marriage:
AUDIO:
Harry – married 39 years:
Harry said that early in their marriage they had a lot of issues (because they were so young) and so they implemented a “Do Not Get Mad Session” once a month. During this session they talked about things that each one did not like about what the other person was saying or doing over the last month. If they started to get mad…they canceled the session and restarted it the next week. Harry says that this type of session allowed them to learn from each other and to recognize things that the other person did not like.
Paul – married 38 years
Paul gave 5 basic principles that are important to a successful marriage (in order of importance.) He says they learned these things from going to counseling and from counseling other couples:
- You need God in your family/marriage
- Trust each other
- Discuss things together (communicate)
- Make Compromises – in the areas where they disagree.
- Respect each other and the principles of each other whether you agree with them or not!!!
Maxine – married for 41 years.
Maxine says the following things were instrumental to keeping the marriage together:
- learned how to share in joys and encourage in disappointments
- refer to each other by name
- keep the kids out of their personal discussions
- family dinner every Sunday
- respect each others roles.
I truly appreciate the tips that they shared. Lamar and I think the “Do Not Get Mad” session is a great idea and one that we should implement. When Lamar suggested it, I said: “What? You mean there are things that I do and say that you don’t like.” He said you see…this is why we need that session. We were half joking..but mostly serious. Communication is key and all of the couples above mentioned communication in one way or another. This “Do Not Get Mad” session is like a safe place for expressing concerns without the fear that a huge argument will follow. Of course we will have ground rules for the session. So watch out Lamar….I already have something for our first session :-).
BMWK Family – Do you agree with the advice given? Can any of this advice be applied to your marriage? If you have been married for more than 30+ years, please give us some tips to a lasting relationship.
Mocha Dad says
These couples have given us some proven advice. I intend to take heed.
.-= Mocha Dad´s last blog ..Making It Last Forever =-.
{Ms. P} says
Awesome.
.-= {Ms. P}´s last blog ..Oscar Night: Prepare to Party =-.
Whyte23 says
Absolutely….take heed from examples of Healthy Marriages & the years of unity are encouraging as well.
Thank you for sharing…
oneness of mind, feeling, as among a number of persons; concord, harmony, or agreement.
.-= Whyte23´s last blog ..Have your questions answered Live Talk Radio http://www.blogtalkradio.com =-.
Tiya says
Love it! All of this advice can be applied to my marriage. I listen to wisdom. I love having GOD as the head of our marriage and the don’t get mad sessions as well as the family dinner will all benefit us. After 85 years together, I know they have overcome just about everything that can happen in a marriage.
{JeLisa} @ Blogging Ever After says
I lllllllllllllllloved this!
I totally just soak this kind of wisdom in. Thanks so much for sharing it!
.-= {JeLisa} @ Blogging Ever After´s last blog ..Planting Seeds of Rubies and Pearls =-.
Tracy Peterson-Jones says
I totally love this! I’ve been married for eight years, and plan to take this advice to my marriage. Its so important to look at others who have had long marriage and seek their wisdom. All marriages have their ups and downs, but keeping love alive through building trust, honesty and having GOD in your marriage is so important!
Ruby Griffin says
i’m alway somewhere putting my two cent in ,i’m the president of the women,and men empowering themselves organization of Delhi,Louisiana.i’m a very direct,older women,i been marriage three time,i have three children,by three different men…everyone alway asking me ,why? you’re so concern about everybody else feeling,i rely…if i has anybody, to just talk to me,in my younger days,maybe my life would have turn in a different direction…don’t get me wrong,i love my children’s,i just made bad choicest of men,in whom i has my babies with…back in the days,i was taught,in a marriage you must have a hush mouth,i didn’t speak up,and i took all of his stupid behavior,what do i think i deserve?i deserve exactly,what i got…”wish is nothing…this is what make me get out in the community,”Lack of common sense”…The Women and Men Empowering Themselves Organization,is for who-ever want to join and just talk,you would be surprise,what a conversation could do, if you just listening.this is why i care about our young generation of today,the lack of my mistake,and the lack of my education, i learn for that…for to have a solid relationship,or marriage,you must be so full of love,and be so close together,that you can feel each other heart-beat…and to get to that stage of understanding,you would know,what the other one thinking,before they say it… by communication,and listening,and having incredible unconditional self-love…
Louise says
I’m like a sponge lol…. but truly loving wat the elders have to say, I will keep all in mind and will share to my young friends, nice one guys