By Ayanna Black
After watching this week’s episode of “The Game” I started thinking about kids and the Internet. In this week’s episode, Kelly loses her reality show because her ex-husband has a court order to stop the use of his name. Since she can no longer use his name or likeness on her show she attempts to film other football stars to no avail.
Finally out of frustration or desperation to keep her show, Kelly seductively dances at a listening party for a recording artist which gets plastered all over the Internet. In response, her 13-year-old daughter Britney posts pictures of herself in a bikini on a Facebook-like site to embarrass her parents.
Obviously, the real problem in this situation was the mom’s behavior which caused her daughter to post the inappropriate photos. However, the big question is should she even be allowed to have an account on the Internet that allows photo sharing at 13?
I personally know a mom who won’t allow her 13-year-old to get a Facebook page due to all the drama that surrounds it. Social networking sites virtually allow you to be whoever or whatever you want to be and allows almost anyone (young/old, gay/straight, Democratic/Republican or whatever) access to your child and what they share. Most 13-year-olds and even older kids aren’t emotionally mature enough to handle the Internet. I don’t blame the mom for not allowing her child to get a Facebook page because the Internet can be a scary thing for a parent. Unfortunately there have been kids that have committed suicide over things posted about them or someone they care about. So it’s important to not allow things that we can control intensify our kids growing pains.
So with that said if we find that our children are on the Iinternet, whether for school assignments or recreation, there are a few things we can do to try to protect them:
1) We can hold website owners accountable. There is a federal law in place that states site owners must get parent’s permission in order to allow your child access to data on their site if they are 13 or younger. This website offers a specific case in which Sony Music was in violation of the law.
2) Monitor your kids’ Internet use. It is very easy to check your browser’s history to see what sites your child has viewed and in most cases how long. You can even go into your Internet security settings and block certain sites from your browser.
3) Know the passwords to your child’s accounts. This is a good way to stay on top of what your child is communicating. This may seem a bit invasive to some and signal a sign of distrust, but for a child 13 and younger and their safety, they don’t need that much privacy when others in the world can access them outside of your view. (That’s my take on it.)
For me it’s just too much going on on the Internet to leave my children unattended on it. For more information on free ways to protect your child on the Internet, visit my blog post on Free Ways To Keep Kids Safe On The Internet. Let’s do what we can to keep our kids safe on the Internet.
Does your child have a Facebook page? If so, do you monitor what your child posts?
Ayanna is a married mom of busy triplets in Chicago. She’s a freelance parenting/marriage and technology blogger. Ayanna and her husband Damion are a featured couple in Ebony Magazine’s “Partner Project.” Ayanna is also the proud owner of ABlackWebDesign.com.
My now 12 yr old daughter asked for a page around age 10 and I told her she had to wait. She requested again close to her 12th birthday and we decided to talk it out with dad, mom, and her…final decision, we allowed her to get a page around her 12th birthday. However, I built her page and have her password. She also has a cell phone and her own laptop. I sporadically check her text messaging, her laptop history, her email, and her facebook page. If I see something questionable I will ask her about it and then explain to her why it sent up my flags and we decide together to delete or allow. We’ve explained to her that we trust her it is others that we don’t and that as her parents we will make the final call but please tell us when you don’t agree so we can talk about it and come to a decision if she has a good argument. I also have email addresses for my other 3 children who are 8 and 9. This way when they go to websites that require parental permission they can not give it on their own.
I like that you and your husband talk the issue out with your daughter. I think they better understand your point of view and are more willing to talk to you when you explain what’s going on.
Thank you Ayanna. My parent’s were older when they had my brothers and I and they were of the philosophy of don’t share until it happens or you think they are ready for it. That may have worked better when they were young but today’s society requires us to talk early or they will get it from someone else and it may not be the right information. I made it my business to make sure that our children can come to us about anything and everything and so far so good…our 12 yr old is sharing with me about the boys she likes(shudders). I also do non-profit work and the kids there talk to me about everything as well and depending on the severity I share with their parents as well. My parents’ philosophy meant that I didn’t get my period talk until the morning it came on and never getting a sex talk(unless you count don’t do it til marriage as The Talk). Although we don’t want outside influences to determine our raising style we have to be realistic about the world around us!!!
So true! This definitely goes along with Mr. Reggie’s comment. I picked up a little wisdom from my cousin the other in conversation…She was saying I don’t want my kids to look at something and it be the first time they’ve ever seen it or heard it, good or bad. She was basically saying to me that she’s didn’t want her kids shell shocked, she was preparing them for everything.
My daughter is still a baby, but I am starting to consider what we will allow her to have (technology-wise) and when. By the time she’s 13, Facebook will be a thing of the past, but I’m not sure that I will allow her to have a page on a social networking site.
I’m thinking that over myself Amber. With technology growing so quickly who knows what will be available when our kids get 13.
I have a 13 year old son and I just now decided to allow him a facebook page under the condition that he friends all his aunties, his dad, his older brother, older cousins and me his mom. This way it easy for us to keep an eye on all that is happening on his page. We do the same with my niece and nephew who are both 19 years old. It is about monitoring your kids. We can’t always be there but it is good to know that we have other people watching out for them as well.
I agree with that Sabrina! Get the village involved.
I’m the “Father” of three 32, 23 and 17. I’ve always been of the mindset “Train a child in the way he should go. . .” I’ve always taken it as my responsibilities as a father to teach my children about the world to include all its glory and its shame. Whether we are talking about Facebook, the music or whatever television (music video) chooses to portray.
I believe even if these questionable devices aren’t present in your home this won’t prevent your child from being confronted by them. So since they’re going to be confronted with it, why not be the force that teaches them properly about it.
There appears and always seems to be the spirit of let’s erect a wall between our child and whatever we deem questionable rather than break down the wall and provide them with the proper tools and mindset to handle (in this situation FB).
I guess I’m saying is I rather educate my child and know they are getting the morals and values for how to deal with the given situation, rather than attempt to keep the ignorant (the word says my people will perish because of a lack of knowledge).
Just my 4c
http://www.ruleyourwife316.com
That is a really good point. I’m all for exposing my children to things before the wrong person does and teaching them the right ways to approach situations. I love that scripture (Proverbs 22 : 6) because its so true and I’ve seen it work. Thanks for that insight Mr. Reggie.
My daughter is 11 and she has a facebook page. However I created it for her because we relocated and it’s so much easier for her to keep in touch with her little friends. But trust and believe….I have her password, I am like a troll I log into her account daily checking and blocking out people if I need to do so. So actually it’s cool… when someone sends her a message I have it going to my cell phone. I also made sure that other family members such as my mom, sisters, cousins are trolling as well. Basically it’s all up to the parent and how they handle the policing of the facebook account. So yes I think it’s ok…ONLY IF YOU ARE TROLLING AND MONITORING IT.
Nice. That sounds like my mom. She still polices my younger brother’s facebook page and he’ll be 21 this year! LOVE IT!
As a mom of a 12 year old, I was totally against it. Until reading some of the responses. I thank you all for sharing. However, my daughter does not have a cell phone either and she was asked by a peer, “How are you so cool and you don’t have a cell phone or a facebook page?” So I do realize that the kids today measure of cool is far beyond what we as parents could imagine. I continue to express to my daughter that as long as she remains the same person day in and day out, that’s what makes you valuable to anyone. And I also remind her that I am “friends” with only 2 to 4 people I was in high school with, not just facebook friends. The same peers that she thinks is her world now, she will not even remember 90% of them in 12 years.
As a mom of a 12 year old, I was totally against it. Until reading some of the responses. I thank you all for sharing. However, my daughter does not have a cell phone either and she was asked by a peer, “How are you so cool and you don’t have a cell phone or a facebook page?” So I do realize that the kids today measure of cool is far beyond what we as parents could imagine. I continue to express to my daughter that as long as she remains the same person day in and day out, that’s what makes you valuable to anyone. And I also remind her that I am “friends” with only 2 to 4 people I was in high school with, not just facebook friends. The same peers that she thinks is her world now, she will not even remember 90% of them in 12 years.
I love that advise! Sometimes its hard for kids to see past the now and they just want to be apart of “what’s going on”! I think “fitting in” now a days is so much harder than it was when I was coming up. Ge Ge keeping encouraging your daughter. I know you’ll see the benefits and so will she.
There is something to be said of “saving something for later”…I have a 13 year old and a 14 year old and I refuse to let them have a fb page until they are in highschool. For me, it’s not about putting up walls or shielding them from reality…I limit such activities until I feel they are not only responsible enough to safely use them but also mindful enough to fully enjoy them.
There is something to be said of “saving something for later”…I have a 13 year old and a 14 year old and I refuse to let them have a fb page until they are in highschool. For me, it’s not about putting up walls or shielding them from reality…I limit such activities until I feel they are not only responsible enough to safely use them but also mindful enough to fully enjoy them.
No I would not….
This was a big issue in our household for a number of years. Finally at the age of 11 we let our son get a Facebook account. Much to my surprise MANY of his classmates, and other children even younger were already on Facebook.
I think times are different, and there is so much available to our children, we can’t protect them by holding them back from things. I think the best thing we can do is teach our children responsibility in their decision making, and stay closely involved with their lives. My son knows that both his father and I… as well as other family members are on facebook and we are all watching him. For example, my mother saw a posting of his that she did not think was appropriate, and quickly notified me. I immediately checked it out for myself and shared the info with his father, and then we both talked to him about how we felt about it. He was expressing himself, his personal thoughts and feelings, and we encourage that. I didn’t want to tell him to take it down immediately because I didn’t like it. What we did do, was tell him how we as his parents felt about it, and shared information about other young people who have had negative life experiences because of online comments.
fortunately our son respects our opinion, and made some changes based on what we shared with him. I am very aware that things could have gone differently (I’m not so sure we will have such an easy time with his younger sister). I guess this is all a part of parenting in the new millennium. 80)
No I would not let my child have a fb page….I just dont feel its necessary for young kids under age 17 to be on fb….17 and older as long as I feel they can handle it in a manner that is ok with me….