by Rene Syler (www.GoodEnoughMother.com)
Since I was out of pocket a good part of the day yesterday shooting a segment for the upcoming Father Albert Show (more on that later but you can see some of the behind the scenes pictures here), one of the loyal GEM’s left a link to this story on my Facebook page. Let me say it’s a good thing I watched the piece after a good night’s sleep and on an empty stomach.
The story is about the growing number of parents who are allowing their teens to have sex in their own homes. Go ahead and insert the sound of screeching tires here!
Okay you all know where I stand on sex education and the abstinence debate; I honestly don’t believe saying, “Don’t do it!” is enough to keep your kids from hooking up. Therefore I think you need to arm them with the right tools, answer every question they have and then some (including making sure they know what your expectations and beliefs are) and then keep a (close) watch on them.
However, by keeping a watch I don’t mean allowing them to shag someone in the next room! Literally I was through when the blogger in the piece said one mother allowed her child to have sex at home so they would be safe and comfortable. Comfortable? Really?? What, she let’s them do it on the 1,000 thread count sheets, with low lights and soft music? Who ARE these people?
This is way too close to those parents who let their kids drink in the home, using the excuse that, “Well they’re going to do it anyway, they might as well be safe.” How are you so sure they’re going to do it anyway? And shouldn’t you be telling your kids that this is unacceptable and how disappointed you are/will be if they indulge? Should you be parenting based on your kids’ safety and development (moral and otherwise) as opposed to what everyone else is doing?
So for me, I’m gonna give this idea a big, fat fail! I will make sure my kids have sex education, all the condoms they need, birth control pills and more BUT I refuse to give them approval to do the deed in my home.
Okay, that’s my take, what about you? Would you ever allow your teenager to have sex under your roof? Why or why not? Fire away”...
After two decades as a television news anchor, including 4 years on CBS’s The Early Show, Syler decided it was time for a change. Tired of reading from a teleprompter, René was determined to find her own voice and inspire women like herself ““ juggling busy lives, raising children and trying to live up to impossible parenting ideals. The result René’s missive on modern motherhood, Good Enough Mother: The Perfectly Imperfect Book of Parenting and its subsequent website www.goodenoughmother.com
OH HELL TO THE NO. For real, who ARE these people? I wish one of my kids would even fix their mouths to suggest this foolishness. Sure, things have changed since we were younger. But this ain’t one of them.
You took the words right out of my mouth. I agree with arming them with education and maybe even the safety precautions (BC’s, condoms), but not the place. What kind of parent would I be to allow my child to rock and roll right under my nose….oh, I would be a grandparent.
OH HELL TO THE NO. For real, who ARE these people? I wish one of my kids would even fix their mouths to suggest this foolishness. Sure, things have changed since we were younger. But this ain’t one of them.
I do not endorse nor encourage or support children having sex in any way. I think when a kid becomes an adult and able to be responsible for such an adult act then they can determine what works. I do think handing out contaceptives goes hand-in-hand with making sure that the kids have a safe place to do the deed, and I will not be a part of that. Where would they go, anyway? A park, a hotel, etc…they are not even old enough to secure a hotel room, anyway. I am with you on that one. I could never imagine that, so it goes along with my values that when raising kids that they know that certain behavior is for adults who pay their own bills, rent, etc. and have the means to be responsible like an adult! Only then do they have the maturity to afford such adult choices. Education is still important, however. Some parents think 15-17 year-olds are old enough to be blessed with this natural milestone. I am not one of those parents, no matter how mature the children are.
if you wouldnt let an adult have relations with your child, why would you let your child have relations with another child? whether in your house or not? growing up i was very tired of people throwing things at me assuming that i was ‘going to do it anyway’. i certainly wasn’t. i had other things on my mind like getting into college. i dont think one has to be defeatist about their kids activitiy and just give up like that. my mom certainly didnt.
Hell No. Especially Not know about it give me consent. Again Hell No
NO WAY! My job as a parent is not to make my child “comfortable” but rather to teach them to live morally when it’s hard. I have a newsflash for you–sometimes doing the right thing is downright UNcomfortable!! In fact, my money is where my mouth is, and when my son was trying to find someplace to live with his girl, we said we loved him and he had a place here but not to shack up! If he wanted to make that kind of decision, he had to find his own place.
I use to pride myself on being a progressive parent, until I saw a parent who shared a lot of the same views as I did. She allowed both of her teens have sex in her home. Her kids (who are now adults) are a mess.
Kids or when those kids become adults sex is not allowed in my home. It is NOT my job to be your friend but to PARENT you. My son is 20, the girls are not allowed upstairs. Much less for sex.
I tell my nephew and kids, they are to be married before they have sex, but if they must they have to be adults, meaning “you have sex in the home you pay for!”
I come from a household where sex wasn’t necessarily permitted (verbally), but nothing was being done to stop sex from happening. I was allowed to have my boyfriend over when my mother wasn’t at home. There were instances when he spent the night and she knew about it as well. His parents were aware as well.
As an adult looking back on all of this freedom I had as a teenager (and not really knowing Christ at the time) I think my parent was incredibly irresponsible. But, at the same time she was unmarried and having sex in the home as well so we’re in a situation where lack of leading by example was the primary reason that I wasn’t under the restriction of sex in the home.
Thankfully I wasn’t trying to bring home every guy I met. I had long term boyfriends as a teenager (3 years for the first) and I married the one I dated since 17. My concern for teenagers nowadays is determining how to decide if a guy genuinely likes you or if he just wants to date you because he knows her parents are okay with sex. I could see a lot of girl getting taken advantage of just because they can’t tell the difference.
As a married woman who is now Christian, there is no way, now how that I would raise my child anything like the upbringing that I had. We plan on teaching our children to abstain and giving them a set of morals, values and beliefs that are of the Christian faith. I do understand that as they mature they may not automatically or maybe may never accept our beliefs, but I have absolutely no interest in their comfort for having sex lives. They are going to respect our home. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!
In the immortal words of Whitney Houston….”Hell 2 DA NAW!” That’s what’s wrong today. Too many, way too many liberties.. Instead of thinking about doing the deed in the family home, how bout you get an after school job to help pay for your college tuition? How bout that doing that deed?
I am a firm believer in giving our kids the truth and education and allow them to make informed decisions. With that said, No my teenagers (who are both adults now living on their own) did not have our permission to have sex in our house. Did they do it? I am sure they did but they did not contribute the teen prenancy statistics or the overwhelming STD statistics. Giving young adults the tools to make informed decisions and the do as I say and not as I do or the ever popular sex before marriage will damn you to the firey pitts of hell speech aids in helping young people make better choices.
Well I do not have children yet but I am not closed to the idea of allowing my child the freedom to make their own decisions.Young people are going to do what they want whether or not mommy && daddy say it is ok. If I raised my child the right way, I would trust his or her decision making and believe they are equipped with the knowledge of consequences of premarital sex, teen pregnancy etc. So I cannot disagree with the idea. My mom never would allow me to have sex with her knowingly home but I did it anyway. I snuck my then boyfriend in through windows and hid him in closets a number of times. I’m an adult now, never had an abortion or an STD, nor have I ever had a pregnancy scare. I was a responsible sexually active teenager and I still am as an adult. Opting to wait to marriage before I bare children. So I think every situation is different.
I agree with pretty much every one. “Hell no” I had a family member that allowed this, and she had 2 grandchildren faster than she could have ever expected. 🙂
So funny that most not only said “no” but “hell no.” I’m with the latter group.
This is coming from someone who’s not even 21 yet. No. I would not allow my children to have sex in my home. I’ll admit, my husband and I did it anyways, because we were teenagers and like some of the people above me said, teens are going to do what they’re going to do. We knew it was wrong but we did it anyways. Even with that being said, if my parents or his parents said it was okay, I can admit I would not be comfortable with it, as awkward as it sounds. We were both allowed to be in each other’s rooms as long as the door was open. His parents were older, but surprisingly not as strict, so when I would go over there I would take naps in his room, etc but this was well after we developed a trusting relationship.
I just think parents are trying to be way too liberal and trying to be friends with their kids. That’s not your job as a parent. Be a parent. Encourage your children to wait for sex but prepare them in the event they do it anyways. That’s not saying “hey I’m going to be out of town *hint* *hint*”, but make sure they’re safe (birth control, condoms, etc) and make sure you make yourself available for them to talk to you about it. Don’t bite their head off. Keep your composure and talk to them.
This is coming from someone who’s not even 21 yet. No. I would not allow my children to have sex in my home. I’ll admit, my husband and I did it anyways, because we were teenagers and like some of the people above me said, teens are going to do what they’re going to do. We knew it was wrong but we did it anyways. Even with that being said, if my parents or his parents said it was okay, I can admit I would not be comfortable with it, as awkward as it sounds. We were both allowed to be in each other’s rooms as long as the door was open. His parents were older, but surprisingly not as strict, so when I would go over there I would take naps in his room, etc but this was well after we developed a trusting relationship.
I just think parents are trying to be way too liberal and trying to be friends with their kids. That’s not your job as a parent. Be a parent. Encourage your children to wait for sex but prepare them in the event they do it anyways. That’s not saying “hey I’m going to be out of town *hint* *hint*”, but make sure they’re safe (birth control, condoms, etc) and make sure you make yourself available for them to talk to you about it. Don’t bite their head off. Keep your composure and talk to them.
Our job as a parent is not to make them “comfortable” but to educate them about right and wrong. Sometimes the right thing is uncomfortable, and that is where our parental education comes into play. As parents we hope and pray that the things we teach our children come to the forefront of their minds when faced with those types of decisions. With that said, Hell no will I knowingly allow my children to have sex in my house. My 17 year old just had a girl over, for the first time, this summer…and it’s not because I said he couldn’t. That was his choice. My stance has always been, not to have different “women” running in and out my house. Bring home the one you care about, not the one you think is “just cute”.
May I ask why teens having sex is a problem? Aside from moral edicts that mean nothing to me, what’s wrong with teens having sex? I propose an example:
Girl 17: Varsity cheer, president of debate club, all AP classes, 149 IQ, early acceptance into Stanford. On her spare time she organizes charity for the homeless. Parents are a lawyer and an officer in the military.
Boy 17: Varsity soccer and track. President academic decathalon. 138 IQ, want to be a vet, and has early acceptance into Stanford too.
Before they have sex they attend a seminar at planned parenthood and get a 100% on the test about safe and responsible sex. They have been together since they are 14 and there relationship is strong.
Now what is wrong with these two people having sex?