by Nia Hughes
I can admit that I consider a few select shows a guilty pleasure. So when Lifetime Television began feverishly promoting the reality show Dance Moms, I couldn’t help but tune in. The show features one of the best dance companies in the country as they follow young girls on their journey to dance competitively. The dance teacher/director, Abby Lee, has a take-no-prisoners approach that meshes well for TV. The drama is only heightened by the stage moms who will gladly cut the other’s throat in order for their daughter to be considered the top seed. My own 2-year-old daughter started ballet this summer so I thought I’d get a preview of things to come.
Dance Moms was somewhat uneventful until one of the most recent episodes got my blood boiling and sparked quite the controversy nationwide. Episode no. 7 starts with Abby’s mother, Holly, walking in to find her daughter (the only Black girl in the class) in a jungle-themed costume. Abby asked Holly if she “had an Afro wig” for little Nia to wear in the upcoming recital, at which point Holly pretends to pull one from her purse.
By stark contrast, the white girls were angelic characters gracefully gliding across the stage while Nia was getting low and shaking it like a modern-day video vixen. Abby justifies her stance by letting Holly know that Nia is not a great dancer by any means.
To add insult to injury Nia is given the song “LaQueefa” to dance to. If you’re not familiar with the song, it originates from RuPaul’s drag queen reality show with lyrics that scream “the post-modern pimp ho….b***h” throughout. Obviously Holly was not aware of this or it was a case of good editing because this little nugget of information went unmentioned. Later post-recital Holly confronts Abby and a verbal confrontation ensues.
Abby Lee makes it clear that Nia and likely all Black dancers in her eyes will be stereotyped and typecast based on race; therefore, Nia must know how to drop it like it’s hot if she’s going to make it in the “biz”. According to Abby Lee, Nia is receiving a Martin Luther King Jr. scholarship paying much less than the white children which discounts (no pun intended) Holly’s right to an opinion.
It broke my heart for both the mom and little Nia. Holly was conflicted by the decision and ultimately let her child dance even though it went against her beliefs. In her eyes she made the best decision for her daughter at the time considering all of Nia’s hard work and practice. I’d like to think I would’ve stormed out of that dance studio with my daughter in one hand and my iPhone in the other ready to scout out a replacement. It’s our job as parents to protect our children from people who choose to put them in a box. A part of me wonders if Holly looks back and would’ve done anything differently.
I read several comments blasting Holly as a parent for not leaving immediately when she felt uncomfortable. Some went as far as to call her a “sell-out” for her comments about the afro saying no matter how much money you have or where you live, discrimination will always exist. I definitely agree with that sentiment. Some may say it was all contrived to incite drama but the fact remains that Black parents often have to make tough decisions that test our core values for the sake of our children.
What would you have done if you were Holly? Would you have stuck to your guns or let Nia perform?
Nia Hughes is a commercial real estate manager, wife, mother and new blogger trying to balance it all one day at a time. Returning to her passion as a writer with her blog Chic Working Moms , she writes on topics such as work/life balance, fashion, food and everything in between.
First let me say, as a single woman with no children, I love this blog! I’ve been reading for a week and I am so in love with the premise, the sense of community from the authors and commenters, and the unified outlook on black marriage. Bravo!
Now on to my thoughts on this post. My blood was boiling when I watched this clip. I can see how Holly felt conflicted because her daughter had worked hard on her routine but COME ON. For Abby to say Nia isn’t a great dancer and to see that child doing backflips and jump splits its obvious she is talented. She needs to learn ethnic dances? Really? What part of that dance was a celebration of our “heritage”? Dont worry, I’ll wait.
That song was terrible, the outfit was such a caricature and that little girl is a gorgeous and talented dancer. If I were her mother I’d be finding another dance studio ASAP. And it would take everything in me not to lose my religion with that dance instructor.
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On this post, I would have had to drag my kid up outta there too. As a parent it’s tough because your kid will be disappointed, crying, mad and everything but you’ve got to do, what you’ve got to do for their sake.
And why was I expecting her to be bumbling across the stage since the teacher said she couldn’t dance. I’m no expert but she didn’t look too bad too me and she’s extremely athletic for a child that age. This is just another case of stereotypes and misconceptions running wild..
Yeah it’s hard because now you have to explain to your child why you pulled them out of something they love. But its never too early to start having open and frank discussions about race. I thank my mom for being open and honest with me about race and race relations as a kid. I remember when I was 11 and my aunt wanted my mom to place me in this preppy, old-money all girls academy. My mom was strictly against it because she didnt want to put me in a position to have my self esteem corroded at the hands of “some snotty, rich, entitled white girls”. She managed to find a public school that was better suited for me culturally and I turned out fine.
I dont have kids but I know that I would want to protect them at all costs. Even if they dont fully understand what I’m protecting them from.
No, THANK YOU for starting this site. I’m not married yet but it’s nice to have a healthy image of black marriage and love. My friend says ‘black people need better PR’ and I think this site is a huge step in the right direction.
That was my thought! There was nothing about that dance that screamed “ethnic or heritage”. The song was what had me most upset. It was completely inappropriate for a child. The afro was what Holly was most upset about….I’m natural so alone it’s not offensive to me. All of it together with malicious intent was downright offensive!
I’m a ballet mom and I have been there, done that and gotten results! I wanted to shake that mom by the shoulders for letting her child be subjected to that. There are dance studios by the dozen. Find another one!
I’m sorry. That clip almost made me curse. There’s no way in HELL I would let me child go along with this. WTH does that have to do with anyone’s heritage?? She wasn’t doing an African dance. She wasn’t wearing traditional African dance dress. She looked like a cheap 70s hooker! My blood would be boiling and heads would be rolling.
I kind of saw both prospectives, I’m also a dedicated watcher of the show LOVE IT. lol. Mia is good however is she in the top of the group as for as dance delivery no. Can Abby mouth come off a little harsh yes. But I also respected Abby reasoning into why she chose Mia for the dance, when she was one on one with the camera expressing. And I also respect the tough love syndrome, does it work for every body know, but it worked for me growing up and to push to be the best. It was plenty of times I thought I was going to have to fight behind my dad coaching and teaching method because he was tough but he made us the best and 90% of the people that have come across him are doing well for them selves and appreciate the tough love, black, white, hispanic. So quit for what, you know what I’m going to show you despite the hardship you can’t break me, it makes me stronger.
So many times I hear being black we have to push ourselves above and beyond the average because we are most times because of color alone are paid less, are not even giving positions, are not included. And the perk to being black is we transform to fit any situation, the majority of the time.
I don’t agree with Abby mouth but I do understand what’s meant behind it and I don’t think she was being racist or degrading. She just doing what she know, makes her students win. But altogether what bothers me about the Parents not Just Mia’s, there’s a time and a place. Let your kids at least perform and confront the situations at a point it doesn’t effect your child.
No way in God’s green earth would my child be anybody’s TOKEN at my behest!!! She would have to pout cry throw a tandrm and go to thereapy if needed but she would not be looking like a baby Pam Grier on nobody’s stage! She coulda went to anybody’s neighborhood community center and got choreography like that for free! And I don’t care if she is on the Jesus Christ Free Scholarship, I have an opinion about what my child does… You are still getting your tuition no matter who pays it.. I want to snatch a knot in Holly!
Love your comment! I was the exact same way. It took me about an hour to get over my heated state of mind. Glad you enjoyed the post!
Wow, very disappointing. As a dancer and dance teacher, it’s disheartening to see the teacher’s stereotypes. What part of that routine was ethnic? When was the last time that she was in a West African or Latin dance class to even know what ethnic dance is because none of that or other forms were reflected in the choreography.
The young girl was very talented and would put some owness on mom as well. She or a family member is taking the daughter to class several times a week I’m sure, and should have an idea what goes on in the class. Not to mention probably extra sessions to work on her solo piece at which time she could have input her concern on the music selection as well as costume selection. So, I don’t think I would be in this situation being surprised as well as disappointed as to how my child is portrayed.
BEJESUS!!!!!!!! This show is one of my guilty pleasures and I must admit that I thought Abbey was out of line cause there was NOTHING ethnic about the routine that BEAUTIFUL NIA performed!!! I truly believe Holly should have refused for Nia to partake in such a routine let alone wear that HIDEOUSE costume , which I thought was demoralizing!!!!! I think Abbey is extremely hard on Nia and singles her out to a degree. I would have ran with my kid!!! IJS!!
I also watch this show weekly and I guess I just saw this way differently than a lot of others. I saw holly as being very upity. I didn’t like the comments made about natural hair. I def understood where abby was coming from about nia being special and that bc she was the only black girl in the group she was going to be up for double the casting calls as the rest of the girls. Abby’s mouth may be a little harsh but I did agree with her about working with her students.
Great post Nia! I’ve never seen the show, but from what I’ve read, I’d have to agree with Tatiff. Nia’s guardian who brought her to rehearsals must have seen what was going on i.e the routine, the song selection etc. So this could have been handled before the actual show. If I was not happy with how my child was treated, I would have been outta there! I have no problems making my concerns heard.
Thanks so much Seleema! The teacher is consistently hard on her. I wouldn’t stand for my child taking that kind of abuse especially if I’m paying good money, scholarship or not. Glad you enjoyed it! 🙂
LaQueefa??! I am speechless! As a mom of 3 girls, I am so offended. There is no way I would have let this happen 🙁
This is a tough spot…I do not know how to dictate to someone else in this situation. I am not sure also how to explain this to someone of a tender age. I am sure, however, that I would have had to pull my child OUT of such a toxic situation and AWAY from a teacher of such colossal ignorance (????heritage???) as quickly as possible. It is hard to believe this teacher was able to hide how clueless she was up until performance time, but maybe a caution to do some advance observation ahead of time. Most schools allow this. Buyer beware–and remember, you are paying for this; scholarship does not mean carte blanche for abuse/exploitation (my definition of how this young girl was being USED.)
as infuriating as the clip is. whats even more infuriating is the commenters who are continuing to perpetrate the idea that there is such a thing as an “ETHNIC” dance. scuse me? why is everything that is NOT european , tagged ethnic?!! you commenters sound like you’ve imbibed the idea that anything not anglo saxon is therefore “ethnic”
I would disagree as there are many different forms of ‘ethnic’ dance Anglo Saxon and not and I have personally studied multiple forms i.e. German, Irish, Latin, East Indian, West African, and others. We all really know what type of dance the instructor was really referring to when she says ‘ethnic’ and can safety conclude that none of the aforementioned ethnic dance forms or others were included within Nia’s choreography.
as infuriating as the clip is. whats even more infuriating is the commenters who are continuing to perpetrate the idea that there is such a thing as an “ETHNIC” dance. scuse me? why is everything that is NOT european , tagged ethnic?!! you commenters sound like you’ve imbibed the idea that anything not anglo saxon is therefore “ethnic”
As a former dance teacher and choreographer you have to know what your child/dancer and what they have the potential to do and it is “your” job as a dance teacher to have the best interest of that child…..just as in education and no different from a child being in school! Now, the mother with her good sense knew it was not in the best interest for Nia but decided to allow her to finish what she started since she had already out in the work and as a parent she chose the best route for her child at that time. Going forward Nia may not be the strongest child with her dance technique but that is the job of the teacher to train her and develop her. Abby Lee is getting paid major bucks from Lifetime and the mother with her Doctorate degrees has enough knowledge to now know it is not worth the heartache! If one is wearing a afro wig and dancing to bootie music…we all wearing afro wigs and dancing to booty music, Spanish, Anglo, Asian and African American alike!!! Shame on you Abby Lee for stating it’s a part of her culture and she needs to know how to be ethnic…….trust me …you can’t teach her that!!! Give that baby what she needs which is more technique classes or otherwise quit dragging her along for your train ride!!!! Nia’s momma she has the greatest ability in her gymnastics and flexibility…….get her to a teacher who will work with that and gets her to where you and her want to be as a dancer!! I have yet to see Abby do a chasse much less a single turn, back ball change or any other technical move. Put her in modeling if you want her to walk a stage!!
Last week Nia was a Carmen Jones type character and now Laquefa?! So far I see racial profiling and type casting. Laquefa is a character made up by a drag queen in a comedy skit on Ru Paul’s drag race. Its definitely inappropriate for a 10 year old. Dr. Mom missed the mark. If that were my mother I would have been out of there. if that were my child she would have been out of there. The hard work will not go to waste and can be directed to a more dignified dance.
I’ve wanted to watch the show since I used to dance growing up too. Watching that clip, I was stunned, and hubby got a glance and was equally upset. I saw nothing “ethnic” about it. I would’ve had to take my child elsewhere. There’s just no way I would’ve been able to allow her to do it.
I am not a mom yet (I am a proud aunt, however! LOL!), but I read your blog regularly, so I was glad to see someone had written about this episode! I was livid when I first saw it a couple of weeks ago, so much so, that I called my mother to tune in as well. In fact, I’m livid AGAIN just thinking about this! I took great issue with both Holly and Abby Lee, not just because of the blatant racist foolishness taking place here, but also because of my background in dance and the performing arts. I apologize for the length of this post, but I have been irritated by this for weeks now, and have to get it off my chest!
Another commenter above mentioned Abby’s tough-love approach to teaching. I don’t disagree with this, as it was the way I was taught. I began dancing at age 5, went to a performing arts high school, and graduated from a prestigious performing arts school in NYC. My instructors from age 5 on up all subscribed to the same method of teaching (albeit more so when I was a teen and older than when I was a small girl), and it made me a better performer. If these girls do go on to perform professionally, they need to develop a thick skin because directors, producers and staff at auditions are all going to speak to them like that. They have to learn to let it roll of their backs. I also do not agree with the way that Abby Lee and a commenter above reasoning that Nia needs to learn “ethnic” dances (nothing about that booty dance was “ethnic” or culturally specific) because she’ll get called for double the auditions. I got told that same bulls**t in college by my white instructors and classmates and it is ignorant , angering and untrue. Black performers aren’t “special” and get called in for “double the auditions”. Performers of color get called in specifically for ethnic roles because they don’t want you for anything else. Unlike our Caucasian counterparts who can go on auditions every day of the week, we typically have to WAIT for an “ethnic” call. I can’t tell you how irritating it is to hear that these types of calls make us “privileged” .
As ticked as I was at Abby Lee, I was even more upset with Holly. Out of the plethora of racist imagery in that routine, the thing that Holly was MOST upset about was the afro wig. Seriously, lady?! Your daughter is on stage looking and dancing like a $2 hooker, and you’re most upset that she had a fro? While the wig was totally unnecessary and a blatantly racist tactic on Abby’s part, it shouldn’t have been to total focus of Holly’s anger. Holly’s priorities are waayyyy out of whack. I spoke with my mom after the show and she said that she would have snatched me out of that school long before that recital came to fruition. Thankfully, I didn’t have to deal with that at Nia’s young age since I attended a Black-owned dance school when I was young (my parent’s insisted on it). I realize that vast majority of competitive level dance companies/schools around the country are predominately Caucasian, but as a parent I would think that protecting your child is most important. I didn’t go to the fancy competitive dance schools and I still ended up at the college level with the kids who did. So Holly needs to find a school where her daughter isn’t singled out in such an ugly, hateful way, and where she isn’t disrespected as a parent.
I would have left, I feel it is our job to teach our children that its nothing they cannt do, with that being said I don’t care if I were paying her a dollar am not paying u to speak or put limitation on my child or to think less of her because of something she has no control over. I have never watched the show and I never will.
My daughter would have been out of there so fast. I still do not see what part of the dance was ethnic. Too bad the mother did not stand up to the so called dance teacher.
What she meant by ethnic was that Nia is the black student so she’s getting the hood song and the hoochie routine… with the costume to compliment both! 🙁 I have to agree with the majority of the other commenters. I have four biracial daughters and I’d probably have to pay restitution after the cops pulled me off of that woman the FIRST time they played that jank song for my baby to dance to. Um, NO. There is apparently, in THAT teacher’s mind, I thin line between ethnic and exotic. In the words of Ocho Cinco, “Child please!” That little girl’s mother seemed to be going along with it so she could be on TV… I just can’t see any other reason she would allow that situation to go down like that 🙁
i would have not let my child be disrespected like that. Just reading about has royally pissed me off. What is that really teaching my child letting them participate in something that is purposely degrading them because of their race? Yes as Blacks we do have to suck up a lot and keep moving forward but this was not one of those times that should have happened? Ugh I would have snatched my child out of there so fast. I couldn’t even finish watching the damn video. That wasn’t a freaking ethnic dance. The lil’ girl would have been better off snatched out of that dance studio and put in to gymnastics. UGH I want to slap the mother. She really let her child be degraded like that and on TV for millions to see. That heifer of a dance teacher really said that mess was an ethnic dance!?!? I want to throw up.
I stumbled across this particular episode and could not believe what was unfolding on the screen. I am not white, nor am I black (somewhat in between with a mix of ethnicities). I take my heritage(s) seriously and hope one day my children will appreciate where their parents and grandparents came from.
If the dance teacher was serious about teaching a young girl about her “heritage” why on earth would she choose a song relating to a drag queen. The song is inappropriate for any young girl, no matter the color of their skin. The next dance the young girl performed was that of a belly dancer. It appears the young girl is now a gimmick and will only be given roles that are “exotic” or “ethnic.” It’s cheap ignorance. I feel horrible for watching the show and hope it gets pulled off the air.
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