After struggling for some years with finding good men to date, you follow my advice to open up and meet a variety of men. You try online dating and it’s going well, but now you have a bigger problem: You have two suitors who are amazing, kind, and equally interested in pursuing a serious relationship with you. You have off the charts chemistry with one man, but you’re worried that means he’s familiar to you (and you’ve dated the wrong men in the past). Should you choose the other guy, even though there’s not much of a spark yet?
Having too many men to choose from is a good problem to have. It’s the natural result of shifting from a scarcity mindset (“there are no good men out here!”) to an abundance perspective (“I can attract any man I want”).
But how do you choose between the two if they’re equally awesome (and you like them both)? I want to share 5 questions to ask yourself before you make a final decision.
1. Have I seen both men in their natural environment?
You can fall in love with a person when they’re courting you, taking you on fun, romantic dates, and sending you “good morning beautiful” texts every day. But you’ll see what’s really inside him when he’s on his home turf. So make one of your dates a “regular” hang out day. Go grocery shopping, run errands, and meet his friends. Do you notice any behaviors you just don’t like about him? Mark those down as red flags.
2. Do I feel more connected to one of them?
Connection is more than chemistry. Creating a connection requires that both of you are open and easy to get to know. If you feel more of a connection with one man it could be a sign he’s willing to be more vulnerable with you.
3. Am I more of my authentic, best self with one gentleman over the other?
Do you feel like you have to send your representative to a date with one man, but you easily let down your guards with another? Pay attention to that because it’s a sign that one man is able to make you feel safe to be yourself when you’re with him.
4. What are their bad qualities and how do they impact me?
Take a sheet of paper and fold it in half. On the left-hand side, write down everything you like about your first suitor. On the right-hand side, list all of the negative things you’ve noticed. Repeat with your second suitor. Now imagine that you’re in a relationship with this guy. How will his road rage show up in an argument? Does he have a temper? Is he passive about taking care of problems in his life?
5. What do I want my life to look like and which man could best help me create that vision?
I want you to think bigger than just choosing a man. I want you to think about choosing a life because the person you date and marry will be one of the biggest influences on your lifestyle. So write down what you want an ideal weekend to look like with your perfect partner. Describe it in detail. Then put your vision map away and observe the men you’re dating from the lens of who could best help you create the life you want.
When you have two suitors but only one heart, the decision of who you want to move forward with can be gut-wrenching. Use this list to make the choice a little easier so you can live your best life with the greatest love of your life.
BMWK ladies, how would you choose between two equally eligible bachelors?