Years ago when we moved to Atlanta, one of our first priorities was identifying a church home. We visited many churches during our search to make sure one main criterion was met. The church needed to have a strong marriage ministry which, in some ways, can be as effective as marriage counseling. We believed that marriage is a covenant between us and God. As a result, we wanted to understand God’s viewpoint and keep Him at the center of our marriage. With that in mind, I’ve decided to give you my top 10 reasons I enjoy attending a marriage ministry.
10 Reasons a Marriage Ministry Can Be as Effective as Marriage Counseling
In this article:
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- It helps couples understand God’s plan for marriage
- Meet like-minded individuals focused on building strong marriages
- Identify a marriage mentor
- Reminds couples of the purpose of marriage
- Offer marriage education classes
- Helps couples focus intentionally on their relationship
- Other relationships can be inspiring
- Couples get to reflect on their actions within the marriage
- Reminds you to rejoice for the spouse you have
- Teaches how to reap the benefits of a successful marriage
Reason #1 – It helps couples understand God’s plan for marriage.
I had the opportunity to attend a couple’s breakfast that was thrown by the marriage ministry of a church that we have been attending. Lamar was traveling that weekend so I almost didn’t go.
I was really self conscious about showing up there alone. Would people think that my husband refused to attend with me? Probably…but who cares?
I went anyway and I am glad I did. The event felt like marriage counseling meets God’s word.
At breakfast, I was seated at a table with several other couples. A few younger couples and a couple of older ones. I surveyed the packed room of over 100 couples from newlyweds to those married for over 60 years.
Before the program started, I had a chance to get acquainted with the couples at my table. Some had been married for 25 years, 11 years, 8 years, and 3 years. We introduced ourselves and began to connect with each other immediately. Before the end of the day, we were swapping stories and even sharing advice on how to deal with certain situations in our marriages.
Reason #2 – Meet and connect with like-minded couples seeking to build stronger marriages.
It’s important to find an older couple who can impart some wisdom on marriage. If you are having problems finding a marriage mentor, then I am sure you will be able to find one in your marriage ministry. As we have discussed in various articles, it is very important that you choose the right person to provide you with marriage advice. While we love our family and friends, they are sometimes the worst people to consult when it comes to your marriage. You might think you are getting marriage counseling but they won’t give you the best advice.
Reason #3 – Identify a marriage mentor.
In a marriage ministry, there will be a pastor or elder or an older couple who you can connect with. Now I know some of you are saying, “Some church people have the worst marriages!” While that may be true in some cases, I still say you have a very good chance of finding a mentor at church.
Remember, the people who are teaching and/or attending the marriage ministry also want to keep God at the center of their marriage. They are there to understand God’s plan for marriage and want the best for their marriages and yours.
Reason #4 – Reminds couples of the purpose of marriage
Marriage is not just about that “lovey-dovey” feeling and being happy all the time. While that is important, it is not the most critical. You need to understand the purpose of marriage and why you are together. Understanding the true purpose of marriage will help to sustain you when you are going through the rough patches.
Reason #5 – Offer marriage education classes
In addition to fun activities such as couples parties, bowling, and more marriage ministries often offer marriage education workshops, classes, and retreats. While not technically marriage counseling, these events provide an opportunity for relationship cleansing.
Reason #6 – Helps couples focus intentionally on their relationship
A marriage ministry helps to get me back on track and re-focused. If you want a successful marriage, you need to constantly work on it. You need to be intentional about making your marriage work. So if I have gotten off track, then I am usually back on track when I leave.
Reason #7 – Other relationships can be inspiring
I am truly inspired by all of the couples that we meet through a marriage ministry. Their stories and examples inspire me and give me hope.
Reason #8 – Couples get to reflect on their actions within the marriage
I am looking at myself (not at my husband) and thinking about all of the ways that I can improve. Have I been selfish, mean, distracted? How can I improve and become more like the woman and the wife that God designed me to be? As I improve, so will my marriage.
Reason #9 – Reminds you to rejoice for the spouse you have
I am rejoicing because I truly do have a wonderful husband and a great marriage and I thank God for him.
Reason #10 – Teaches how to reap the benefits of a successful marriage
As Dr. Tony Evans states in Marriage Matters: “In order for a covenant to successfully function, carrying with it both the benefits and security that covenant supplies, it has to be set up according to God’s expectations and regulations.” We are keeping God in the center and we are reaping the benefits!
If you have not attended a marriage ministry function/meeting, then I encourage you try one. If your church does not have a marriage ministry, then find a church in your area and attend their functions (For some churches you don’t actually have to be a member of the church to attend their marriage ministry functions.)
BMWK family – Do you attend marriage ministry? If yes, do you find them to be beneficial to your marriage and how? Are you having problems getting your spouse to attend?
Up Next: 7 Reasons to Attend Couples Counseling
Editor’s Note – This post was originally published on December 22, 2010, and has been updated for quality and relevancy.
This is awesome, Ronnie! I’ve been to marriage ministry as well, and I’ve learned that the attitude of, “If he DON’T, then I WON’T” is so not pleasing to the Lord.
Given my current set of circumstances, the only reason I’m confident that I did all I could do is because of the tools I took away and enacted from marriage ministries and books.
Marriage ministry is so valuable for just the reasons you posted.
I’ve never attended a marriage ministry but you make me anxious to try one. There is no greater inspiration than to see other couples working on their relationship with God at the center.
Ronnie I think this is an Awesome list….
My husband and I met, married, and grew up in a church in the Atlanta area and one of the reason we left was because they didn’t have a strong Marriage Ministry. The church we attend now, actually drew us in because of the Marriage and Family Ministry, which started out really good when we first got there, but has since slacked off. I hope that they will enhance the ministry in the new year, but if not we will be taking your advice and findng one that has one…
I truly believe that the time and effort a church pours into a Marriage Minsitrywill help sustain their congregation and the black church as a whole. I know churches where marriages are breaking up because the church has the wife at church on one night, the husband there on another night, and so on, so that couple is not spending any time with each other, how can you enhance the marriage like that…. The black church really needs to take a look at that and as parisioners we need to demand it.
Ronnie, yes this list is so helpful! I am recently engaged, date set for April16th! For both my fiance and I, this is our second marriage. Together we bring 6 children ages ranging 13-6 (3 girls & 3boys). Ironically, the girls live with each others ex-spouses. (My daughter, 13(dad) his daughters, 10,6 (mom)) The boys with us! It has been so challenging both spiritually and mentally. Alot, accredited to our “Trial Run” marriage. I think we get so caught up in the fairytale we forget about the “True Meaning” of marriage/comitment/dedication/hard work of companionship. The title “husband” and “wife” means “perseverance”.
My fiance and I attend the same church in Lithonia, GA. A very small congregation but, such humble, God fearing Pastors. I think Marriage/Family ministries is vital! Premarital counseling is essential! The covenant of marriage should be taught so frequently it will seem as if it has been drilled into the couples brain.
Ronnie,
Excellent article and tips. I attend some of the activities at our church sponsored by the marriage ministry and I LOVE it. Been married almost 14 years and I make it a point to keep an open mind and seek out widsom from God, articles and other couples. Marriage is beautiful at all stages and levels.
Blessings!
Awesome article Ronnie,
My fiance and I are also in Atlanta (Alpharetta), and we attend St. James United Methodist Church (also in Alpharetta), and we have an AWESOME “couples” ministry. The couples ministry meets every Sunday after 8AM morning service. If you do not have a home church and are in driving distance to Alpharetta, we invite your family to visit our church. We have free daycare if you have little ones.
– LKHinton Sr.
When my hubby and I visit Atlanta we too visit St. James UMC. He and I were marriage ministry leaders at Sharon UMC when we lived in Atlanta and we often fellowshipped at St. James. They are an AWESOME and relevant ministry.
Love it!!! Thanks Ronnie, for the great reminder about the many benefits that come from our church’s marriage ministry. I can’t wait for the one at my church to grow.
Absolutely, Marriage Ministry is an essential elenebt for a strong church. Thanks for sharing your experience. My husband and I moved to Kansas City as newlyweds (3 months) and didn’t know a soul. The church we eventually joined had a wonderful Marriage Ministry which was a lifeline for us and we formed life long friendships. We have now moved to Florida (4 months) and are visiting churches searching for the right spiritual covering for our marriage. We also have added to our list a strong youth ministry for our daughter. Also, I love that you quoted Tony Evans. We began listening to his messages on the radio as newlyweds in Kansas City, a great blessing to receive his practical teachings on marriage. I have recently rediscovered him on the radio since moving to Florida. I definitely am appreciative for all positive insight that can help us as we go through the transitions of our life. Thank you for BMWK!
Thanks Harriet. You have helped so many people on the site by sharing your tools with them and being so transparent. I pray and know that God will work everything out for the best as it pertains to what’s going on right now. Please know that you have our support.
Hi.. after you attend, please tell me about your experience. In addition to receiving a valuable word, we normally enjoy ourselves and have an interesting conversation on the way home.
I totally agree with your comment which is why a good marriage and family ministry is high on our list.
MsMoore…we also have a blended family (so I know it can be challenging.) I think what has helped us is the we keep in mind that we are team and we work out the problems together. We don’t let the kids or anything come between us (1. God, 2. spouse…then kids..)
Wow …i think it is great that the ministry meets each week. I will check out your website for upcoming events. However since we have 4 kids, we try to attend churches that are close and Alpharetta may be a little far to attend each week.
If we attend an event, I will let you know….thanks for the invite.
Thanks Tiya. I know your marriage ministry is awesome based on the things that I have seen you doing!! Also your pastor and his wife are awesome too!!!
Thanks for your comments. You are so right …a great youth ministry is important too. There is this one church that I don’t really care for…but our kids love it…we when are trying to decide which church to go to on Sunday…they are always selecting that church. I am happy so see them excited about a church.
I actually just discovered Tony Evans and just finished reading his book Marriage Matters which was awesome.
Ronnie – Well needed “shine” on the importance of a marriage ministry. Most churches would say that marriage and family is the foundation of the church but I would say far less than half have a formal Marriage Ministry. Praying your family finds the right church for your needs!
The whole marriage ministry thing is difficult for me. I really do see its use and purpose and how it is helpful and necessary. Marriage is something that will always grow, something you will never really fully or always understand, something you may not want all the time, so it is vital to periodically get around other couples and talk, discuss, learn from each others experiences and it’s great to be in a spiritual environment. My issue is this: I have a problem…not a problem, I just wish everything, especially directed towards the Black community, wasn’t religious/based in religion/Christian. There’s this assumption with a lot of folks that all Black people are Christian. My wife is Christian, but I’m not, nor am I religious (looonngggg story, hahaha), and although these programs seem great and like something I would want to participate in, it’s a little off putting because many times I’ll end up feeling uncomfortable, and in many cases disrespected.
Please, I want to so beautifully crystal clear that I’m not attacking or trying to offend anyone’s religion. I’m just expressing that there IS a population/community of Black people that would like something like this, but can’t because the voice/perspective is always religious. But, this is NOT to say that they need to change. I’m more so just expressing my perspective and plight, I guess.
Peace
Hi JF,
There are several programs out there for couples that are not necessarily religious. For instance, check out Basic Training for Couples… this is a class that is offered by many community groups and churches across the country. You can google it or check out the founders of the class at https://www.weddedblissinc.com/Wedded_Bliss_Foundation/Welcome.html
Thanks!!! I hope I didn’t offend anyone…I appreciate this…peace
Hi Ronnie,
I attend Ben Hill UMC in SW ATL and the couples ministry is awesome. Feel free to check it out.
Wow, I never heard it put so bluntly, I truly appreciate those words
Awesome article!! We have been part of the Married Couples Ministry at our church in Chicago for 4 years. we have 2000 married couples in our church. It is amazing to serve married couples through our ministry. We enjoyed it so much that we accepted leadership roles this year. We are the directors of the education dept of the married couples ministry. we are excited because we are responsible for educating married and singles about God’s plan for marriages. If your church has a ministry…take advantage of it. And if your spouse can’t go… go anyway. We have seen marriages restored because one person attended the events AND then went home & shared. Give it try. Also, if your church doesn’t have a married couples ministry, attend marriage events at other churches. Marriage ROCKS!!!!!
I am so thankful for this article!!! In our search for a church home we never once discussed married couples ministry as a reason to be there. When we did meet with our pastor for marital advice we didn’t take much away from it, we looked at the messenger and then the message…the pastor and first lady had only been together for a decade in comparison to our 19 and our family dynamic(he has children from another relationship) meant that we had more experiences that he couldn’t really relate to. Needless to say, we are happy with the ministry for our children(they have an awesome children’s ministry) but we need to search for some place that will nurture the entire family…
I believe the one good thing outside of all you mentioned, is that being apart of a marriage ministry allows you to be held accountable. Once you get that mentor, or those married relationship bonds, they now are each able to keep you uplifted in prayer, give you a wholesome shoulder to lean on, an ear to vent to, and a phone call or message that can let you know to stay on track!
Ive been married almost 4 yrs and I had no clue about marriage ministry I would call and talk to a friend who was a preacher and he advised me to find a marriage ministry fast It was a hard adjustment in the beginning with a blended family Just so happens the church I attend had one and I must say it has been one of the best blessings ever to my marriage I totally 100% agree that couples looking to build a stronger marriage in God should have this as a reference to go to The information you get from one will get you through the moments you feel like are so hard In mine I’m surrounded by 45 yrs, 38,36, down to newly weds Sometimes the newly weds remind some of us what brought us together in matrimony I love love my Couples Ministry at Beulah Missionary Baptist in Decatur We only meet the 1st Friday of every month some Fridays we do activities instead of meetings but our meetings are so intense and we go from 7-9pm Im so glad you mention this and love your list of reasons why They are so true
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So I am wondering if you know of any Christian Black Marriage Conferences coming up from now until next year this time? Please direct me, because I am having a hard time finding those focused on African Americans. Thank you.