She Says . . .
1. Understand that marriage is the great “leveler”. Presumptions of omniscience and superiority need to be DROPPED at the threshold of matrimony. Whatever imperfections you secretly have will be laid bare as you live in and through your marriage. Embrace the idea that your mate might be detecting flaws in you that need addressing. Many times, your spouse will be the only one to openly address a problem that others were secretly thinking about you! Allowing your spouse to periodically assess you actually helps you to become a more humble and self-realized human being.
2. What you know (or DON’T know) is more important than what you THINK. If you find yourself living in a perpetual state of misunderstanding and warfare, your opinion won’t hold much weight in the matter. What lies at the root of what you are struggling with is the real issue. You can THINK your husband is a lunatic for melting down about that purse you bought. But it would be better to know and understand that the root of his meltdown stems from stress about finances, not about the purse itself. Seek understanding.
3. Allow for “breaks” for both of you. One of the worse things you can do in marriage is to think you can meet each other’s every single need. You can’t . . . so stop it. Allow room for other platonic relationships to enrich and develop you both. However, these relationships should be approved by the spouse.
4. Protect your realm. While it is nice to have platonic associations outside the marriage (see #3), be sure to draw very clear lines that cannot be crossed. Be careful about sharing or spending too much time with other family and friends. Respect your spouse’s authority. There can only be ONE king and queen per castle – in-laws, “momma, daddy, and them” need to take three LARGE steps back . . . outside of your door.
5. Comedy is King. A little laughter goes a really long way. Make time to laugh. In teasing, play fair.
Bonus Tip:
6. Learn to love agape style. Agape love is a type of love that expands to absorb the bumps, bruises, and growing pains of life. Change in life is inevitable. Jobs change, dreams shift, what should not happen, does. Learning the art of agape love will help you through the difficult transitions of life and love.
BMWK – Leave the Simmons a comment below and thank them for sharing their marriage insight. Also, share with us some of your tips on how to have a long lasting marriage.
Bhek and Allison Simmons have been together for over 20 years, 17 as husband and wife. Through the ups and downs of life and marriage, they have used their faith – and a bit of comedy — to uphold and enrich their marriage as they seek to assist other couples in learning how to live and grow together. They, along with their two children and one crazed cat, live in the Baltimore Metropolitan Area.
Pamela Jenkins says
Bhek and Alison, this is awesome. I have known this couple from the beginning and they do live what they say.
Allison says
Pam Jenkins! We are chasing behind you and Glen Jenkins! Thanks so much for supporting us and being a continual light in our lives! We love you madly! And YES, the Jenkins’ have known us “from the beginning” of it all! LOLOLOL!
Heath Wiggins says
Congrats Allison. I’m glad to see you are pursuing your goals of helping couples. We have to talk again soon.
Allison says
Mr. Wiggins,
I’m just trying to work it the way you are! Willing to support any family who is trying to uphold the sanctity of the marriage covenant! Keep rolling in your gift, my friend! We will be running right beside you (or behind you trying to catch up! LOLOL!)
Webster says
Jus what I needed, I have been having fights with my partner for a while but ever since I started following this page, I’m now have some understanding about some of the things that I was not aware of in a marriage. Thank u so much for sharing a such wonderful tips.
Ronnie Tyler says
Webster thank you for reading the site and leaving a comment. I happy that the articles are able to help you in your marriage.
Allison says
Webster, you are most welcome. We have been married long enough now to know that we STILL don’t know everything we need to know about how to properly conduct ourselves in marriage. Just remember, it is a “work in progress”. It is really hard, but it will be the small positive changes that will make the big difference over the course of time! Try them, you will see changes if you don’t give up! Good luck!
jabri says
This article was truly amazing..my husband and i got married almost 6 months ago…we are fairly young and are looking for a couple to mentor is through the good send bad times
jabri says
This article was truly amazing..my husband and i got married almost 6 months ago…we are fairly young and are looking for a couple to mentor us through the good and bad times
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