As I’ve stated in previous articles, I love talking relationships, basically with anyone who’s willing to engage. I’m fascinated by what others think about love and marriage and quick to share my views. I know some grow weary of my stories of love and my need to encourage them in their own relationships. I am sure some of the looks I receive are really telling me to go have a seat and mind my business. I am okay with that as long as I am able to plant those seeds of love advice. I know humans need, want and deserve love, real love. My life’s mission has become helping couples show up better in their relationships.
Whenever I coach couples I always learn something new about love and the reasons people behave the way they do. People know how they desire to be loved and learn how they should love someone else. The challenges arise when they aren’t quite sure how to share what they need and how to make the other person a priority simultaneously.
The information needing to be communicated in the beginning of the relationship isn’t always delivered. Couples then find themselves somewhere they hadn’t planned on arriving. The planning is key. We begin relationships for a variety of reasons; the physical attraction, the time clock ticking and financial benefits are a few. Some of the foundations for our marriages are a little unstable because we didn’t enter into it with the proper vision or planning. Marriage is not a game. Its grown folk business and it can’t survive, especially if you choose it on a whim. Couples should be crystal clear on why they decide to marry. For love is the most common response, but there are a few other reasons.
A True Friendship Exists. I can’t imagine living in a relationship with someone I didn’t value as a friend. A solid and honest friendship is the best foundation for any relationship. Friends talk about any and everything. They tell the truth and receive it as well. A true friendship doesn’t feel fake or phony, it’s authentic.
The Future Looks Promising. Couples have to think long term when planning to take the relationship to the next level. Yeah, I know it feels amazing right now and this feeling should last forever. It will with effort, it won’t magically happen because we think it should. Think future and plan accordingly. Couples should see well beyond the now when they plan to marry.
Self-Love is Alive and Well. Sometimes insecurity breeds poor decision making. When we don’t love ourselves enough we connect with those who will not benefit our lives. Self love brings a sense of confidence and an energy that is good for any relationship. It also attracts the same. We don’t set as many unrealistic expectations, or smother our partners when we love all of who we are.
Marriage is a responsibility you have to take on with a complete knowledge and understanding of what’s required. There’s so much more than the honeymoon phase. We have to consider the rainy days, the future and all that comes with marriage. The attraction might fade, the finances might dry out, but the marriage still needs to survive. Again, the decision to marry has to be one that has been well thought out, especially if we plan to remain married for years and years to come.
BMWK, what were your reasons for getting married?