Marriage is one of the toughest yet rewarding partnerships you will ever enter. It requires change of both partners. Understand though: never let go of the characteristics that are essential to you as a person. However, there are some learned behaviors that plague marriages. To have a successful marriage, here are three things you must let go.
Unforgiveness, a quick temper, and the need for perfection in your spouse have to stop. They only hurt your marriage.
Seriously, “unforgiveness” is a word not even recognized in most dictionaries. Type the word in a document and watch the little red underscored squiggly line come up, indicating a misspelled word. Just like dictionaries reject the word, relationships reject the word also.
Unforgiveness is a feeling and emotional stronghold that our bodies and our relationships are ill-equipped to handle. Situations will come up in marriage that require you to forgive. Forgive. It is a choice you can make. It doesn’t mean you have forgotten the incident or that it didn’t hurt. For you, forgiveness means you have released the debt you feel you are owed. Don’t let hurt take up permanent residency in your heart.
You may be able to hide your quick temper with everyone except your spouse. Your spouse sees a side of you that no one else is privileged to see. That means they get to see the good and the bad. If a quick temper is part of the bad, you MUST take steps to correct. Begin by looking inside yourself to see why certain words and actions set you off. Dig deep to find the root cause. It most likely has nothing to do with your spouse but something that happened in your past.
Need for Perfection
If you wake up in the morning expecting your spouse to be the picture of perfection, you have set yourself up for frustration before your feet hit the floor. Release your spouse from perfectionism, and express your desires. Express what you want and wait for the response. Express – “Hey, babe, I would like you to be at my doctor’s appointment today.” Thought without expression – “He knows I want him to be here. He better be there. Is he coming? I’m going to kill him if he doesn’t’ show up. Oh, he didn’t show up; I’m pissed for the rest of the week.”
I have walked this road in my own marriage…It took patience, work, and a willingness to change.
Unforgiveness, a quick temper and the need for perfection in your spouse have to stop. They only hurt your marriage. I have walked this road in my own marriage, and I know that it’s possible to overcome these three challenges. It took patience, work, and a willingness to change.
You can do this.
BMWK, have you already overcome these challenges or are you working on it? Tell us what is working for you. Let’s support each other and share.