Individuals sometimes enter a marriage with a lot more than just love for their partner. Emotional instability, regrets, resentment, and wounds that have yet to heal, are just a few.
It becomes challenging to create a healthy marriage when we have unresolved issues preventing us from being able to fully contribute to a marriage. We may think love is enough to conquer all, but if we don’t address our personal baggage, our relationship will continue to suffer.
There is baggage in our lives we unload on our spouse that they have absolutely nothing to do with. Here are a few examples and what we can do instead:
Your job isn’t quite what you expected and stresses you the hell out
Are you coming home snapping on everyone in your home because you’re unhappy at work? If so, you have to stop that. You’re punishing your loved ones because of a choice you made and it’s unfair.
What if, instead, you created some new career goals. Maybe even asking your spouse to help you brainstorm a few new career options. Maybe there is an entrepreneur inside you, ready to be released.
I’m sure your spouse would enjoy helping you and love feeling included in this part of your life. Ask him/her to help you figure out what you’re really good at and how you can get started in that career. They’d love it and you’ll have fun connecting in this way and working together.
Your childhood may not have been ideal and you are still holding on to the pain
Your spouse wasn’t there and, while it’s unfortunate, they can’t be held responsible. Instead of taking your frustrations out on them, teach your spouse how to love you instead. They can’t fix you, but they can add to your life if you fill them in on your needs.
Be honest about the hurt you’re dealing with and share with your spouse how they can help. The key is to be loving, trusting, vulnerable, and not allow your past to ruin your marriage.
It has probably done enough damage to your personal life. It’s time to release it. Speaking with a therapist could help with the healing.
Your ex did a number on you and it’s difficult to trust again
Your partner isn’t your ex and again shouldn’t be held responsible for the actions of another. You love him/her for very different reasons. Of course hurt doesn’t heal overnight. Sometimes closure is needed and we must remind ourselves of why that last relationship ended.
You have to remember why you’re with your spouse. It’s important to start on a clean slate; letting go of the past and looking forward to a future of happiness with your spouse.
Since trust is earned, look for signs where your spouse has proved you can trust them. I’m sure there are probably plenty. It’s also okay to admit that this may be difficult for you and ask your spouse for a little patience.
Personal baggage has the power to destroy a relationship if we don’t act. It affects everything around us. We must be honest about it in order to begin the healing process. Your marriage needs a strong foundation, one that can’t happen if you’re still holding on to those things you have to release.
BMWK, what baggage are you holding on to and how is it affecting your marriage?