Last week I wrote an article for married folks highlighting a few behaviors that were unacceptable in a marriage (5 Things Married Folks Just Shouldn’t Do.) I enjoyed the comments and understood that most of the readers felt the tips were common sense. One of the responses really stood out as this individual stated that common sense wasn’t really all that common and we sometimes have to be reminded of certain things. This week, I wanted to shift my focus just a bit and target my single brothers and sisters. Seeking love and commitment can be challenging, as well as rewarding. It’s challenging because we have to kiss a few frogs before we actually locate our prince/princess. It’s rewarding because dating is an opportunity for discovery and should be enjoyable. Just as I shared in the article on marriage, I strongly believe there are specific temptations and situations single folks must also avoid. Although these too might seem common, we’ll use them as reminders. Please allow me to share with you 4 things single folks just shouldn’t do…
Pursue someone who is unavailable.
Unfaithfulness is a character flaw that we shouldn’t desire in a potential mate.
A married man or woman is simply not in a position to give you the love, time and commitment you deserve. Why cheat yourself out of the happiness you are worthy of receiving? This includes the married but separated as well as those who have a girlfriend or boyfriend. Someone who is willing to cheat with you will definitely cheat on you. Unfaithfulness is a character flaw that we shouldn’t desire in a potential mate. A person who cheats on their partner is capable of lying, being disrespectful, and is quite frankly selfish. Why in the world would anyone want to build a life with this type of person?
Not enjoying the journey.
Life should never be put on hold because you’re single.
Too often, single folks worry so much about finding that someone they forget to enjoy the life they are living at the moment. Life should never be put on hold because you’re single. It is even more of an opportunity to be spontaneous and check off some items from your bucket list. A partner will not define you, nor will he or she complete you. When you do settle down, you want to enter into that relationship already complete, loving who you are.
Settle or compromise on their core values.
Our core beliefs, those that make us who we are, should never be compromised.
It’s true… in a relationship, sacrifices will need to be made. There are, however, certain areas of our lives we should hold dear. Our core beliefs, those that make us who we are, should never be compromised. A person who asks us to give up something or challenges us in a way that alters who we are really isn’t worthy of our love. Listening to your intuition is key. If it feels all wrong, it usually is.
Question why they are still single.
Embrace who and where you are at this moment.
There is nothing wrong with you. You are in this particular place and space for a reason. I believe there is purpose in everything that occurs in this life. If you are still single, examine relationships past, look for common themes and anything that no longer works for you, be willing to make some changes. Otherwise, embrace who and where you are at this moment. Your being single could represent a few positive things, like you weren’t willing to compromise who you are. There are behaviors and actions that simply don’t serve us well. Some cause damage and destruction to our lives. Others bring joy and happiness. The focus has to shift more toward that joy. Being wise with the choices we make is the beginning of self-love. Honoring who we are with our actions shows the world just how amazing we are, whether we’re single or not. BMWK- What are some other things single folks shouldn’t do?
As a single woman, it’s alarming to me that EVERY article aimed at single people includes something about staying away from married men or women. For the most part, majority of singles do not date married people. I love BMWK, but I really think that is something that needs to be examined. Perhaps, single people should write more of the articles geared toward single people. I’m almost certain the tone would be different. These are just my observations.
Great post! Although I’m reading it on public transport, I found myself clapping along to the 2nd, 3rd and most especially 4th points. Very well written & you’re right, sometimes we just need a gentle nudge enroute to Commonsense Ville
Ignore red flags. I learned the very hard way that sometimes “meeting someone where they are” does both you and them a disservice. If she drinks too much and won’t get help, speak up and if she doesn’t want to change, you can’t make it happen. If you are worried about the way he treats his family or you?!, talk about it! Ask questions that you may feel are intrusive. If you’re considering a relationship, you can’t ignore things. Talk to people in healthy relationships about the things that make you feel uneasy. They can help you see clearly. Lastly, pray. God can give you the courage and wisdom to walk away if necessary.
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