“SOCIAL MEDIA HAS RUINED MY RELATIONSHIP!”…Yes that’s the cry of many people today! But my retort is this: social media didn’t ruin your relationship he, she, or BOTH of you ruined your relationship.
Okay lets back up and come to an agreement…social media is here and it probably isn’t going anywhere, thus we have to address this issue head on. It is definitely possible for your relationship and (insert social media type here!) to happily co-exist.
Here are 4 Ways to Keep Social Media From Ruining Your Relationship
1) Stop Being Single Online But in a Relationship in Real Life:
Let’s be honest…for many people, social media is another form of online dating. With that being said, people need to know very clearly that you are involved with someone. I get the whole argument of “well people don’t need to be in my business,” well guess what….you made it peoples’ business when you decided to get that account and create a username. \
People might not need to know the ins and outs, but at a minimum they should at LEAST know you are married or in a relationship so that the lines don’t get blurred or any false messages are sent out. I can’t tell you the amount of times where I hear people say “well I didn’t know they were married until it was too late.” (‘Too late’ means feelings have developed). It’s your job, as a mate, to make sure that it is clear to others that you aren’t open to anyone else and that you are spoken for.
Being transparent will hopefully hold people to a higher standard of how they decide to communicate with you. This won’t stop everyone from pursuing you, but you have to care enough about your mate and your relationship to stop certain behavior before it starts. So, all of the people privately messaging you so they can feel out your willingness level to be “more than friends” with them needs to be nipped in the bud by you…And it needs to happen immediately!
2) Don’t Believe Your Own Hype
You know sometimes social media is a platform for people to subliminally tell you everything you want to hear. Between “likes” and “winks” and “poke” and private messages, people will woo you all day and you will begin to like it. Suddenly, you find yourself flattered because your Facebook “friends” may be showing you the attention that your partner hasn’t been showing you. It’s at this point that you must CHECK yourself!
This means it’s time to start communicating your needs to your partner instead of falling into the Facebook trap of that ex from back in the day or that person you always had a crush on in college. You can’t hold your real life relationship to the same standard of an Internet relationship that you have begun to glorify in your mind. I see it all the time where the “harmless flirting” online turns into lunch in person and then into an affair that leads to a divorce. The person online has probably pulled the same trick with their other 100 friends or followers…so get over yourself and get back into communicating with your mate.
WOW!! Thanks so much for this article. Unfortunately, it is timely for me. My boyfriend of 1.5 years recently blocked me from facebook after an argument. We’ve had issues in the past about him complimenting other women and such while not showing me that he completely values me, including not compliment me much in private nor in person. I was trying to not let the block bother me, but it does..especially as marriage has been a topic of discussion for us. So anyway, I just sent this article to him to show him a male point of view. I know some people say it’s just Facebook and that is true. To that I say, if it’s just Facebook then why the block and why can’t he truly acknowledge me there. I don’t have any problems with him communicating with female acquaintances as long as it’s respectful, is not with a regularity, is done in the open, and most importantly if she knows about me and he respects me and our relationship. I don’t think that’s too much to ask for.
Thanks Rhonda and I am so glad that the article has helped. I hope your mate understands your perspective on this and that y’all can work it out!
I use social media for my business as well. But I try to leave as a business page. I love to network with other people and love helping others but I aim to be honest and upfront. I also try to conscious of the amount of time I spend on social media as well. There’s a balance that must be maintained. I also never promote the business while secretly messaging the intention of a relationship, especially being already committed to a relationship. Additionally, I make the practice not to mix business with pleasure. But I do like connecting my supporters, followers, and friends, but always do so in manner is that respectful to myself, my man, and even to the other person.
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