[tps_header]If you and your spouse are truly ride-or-die for each other…if you believe it’s truly ‘us against the world’, then why do you let ‘the world’ cause problems in your marriage during the holidays. And by ‘the world’, I specifically mean, your in-laws.

True story.

My friend Timarrah (as we’ll call her) has been married to Remy for five years. Before marriage, they agreed to alternate holidays with their families. And this year, it’s Christmas in Crenshaw with Remy’s mother—his very opinionated and shady mother.

Timarrah is dreading this trip because the last two run-ins with her mother-in-law, she had to up her Vitamin D intake because of all the shade her mother-in-law was throwing at her about her parenting style of their 10-month-old. What’s worse was Remy didn’t check her on it, leaving Timarrah feeling like she had no help or protection from her husband. He might as well have been there, whispering “take that, take that” with each diss his mom flung his wife’s way.

Does this sound anything like your experiences in past holidays with your in-laws? Like Timarrah, are you worried that the disagreements, the shade-throwing and the drama will ruin your holidays…and the fragile peace you’ve brokered in your marriage?

Well, if so, here is a five-step strategy to ensure you enjoy a peaceful happy holiday season with your in-laws.

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The Meeting Before the Meeting

Before you meet with your spouse, have a meeting with yourself. Come up with two or three of your most serious concerns. Write them down, so you don’t conflate them with other issues that have nothing to do with your holiday plans.