Boys live with their mother and men have their own… but is this always the case? Society has placed a very negative stigma on adult men who still live with their mother/parents. Jokes have been made and many men have been shut down by women who disapprove of their living situation. Should it be so cut and dry? Are men who have yet to go out and get their own all losers? Here are a few things to consider before you draw any conclusions.
Is he just trying to save money?
There is nothing wrong with a man being smart with his money. It can be a very smart move financially to hold off on paying rent when you can stay home and save for your own house. So if he has a plan in place, the fact that he lives with his mother may start to look better. On the other hand, if he is dead broke and mooching off his mother; well, that’s a different story. There is no need to entertain a man who isn’t trying to do something with his life.
Is he there because his mother needs him or does he need his mother?
In some cases, men choose to live with their mothers because their mothers need them. Maybe she has some health issues or is in transition. I’ve even read where Hangover star Bradley Cooper moved his mother in with him after the death of his father. I think those are valid reasons for a man to live with his mother, and most would agree. Now, if he is there because he simply can’t take care of himself (i.e. can’t cook, do laundry, clean a house, pay his own bills, etc.) then passing him over is understandable.
Is he a “Momma’s Boy?”
We should all love and respect our mothers, but some men refuse to cut the umbilical cord! No matter what the reason, if he is still at home and he has “momma’s boy” tendencies, then you should proceed with caution. Men who demonstrate these traits are far more likely to place the desires of their mother before their wives. I believe that the wife’s needs must be the main priority in a marriage or else the relationship may suffer. I’m not saying that all “momma’s boys” are men who will struggle in marriage, but they are very risky.
Is he just in transition?
Maybe he is still in college. Maybe he just moved to a new city and is trying to get situated. Maybe he is in the process of divorce and is at his mother’s for the time-being. If the later describes his circumstance, you still shouldn’t deal with him romantically because HE IS STILL MARRIED! The other two scenarios could be valid explanations for his living arrangements. Again, as long as he has a plan and is doing what he is supposed to do to work through his transition, then all should be fine.
Is he viewing his Mother’s home as his investment?
Some of you may be thinking, ‘what’s wrong with him wanting to inherit the house?’ Well, the problem is that if he is still living with his mother, he may have no plans on moving out at all! He may be thinking he is better off staying put and waiting for the inevitable or for his mother to relinquish the house. Both courses of action could take a very long time to materialize, but if you are willing to deal with it, then so be it. If you are hoping not to be there with his mother, you may not want to entertain trying to be with him at the moment.
Women should always take a moment to understand why the man they are interested in is living with his mother before making any decisions. There is nothing wrong with women wanting men to have their own, but eliminating a man as a potential partner for the sole reason of living with his mother, may be a mistake. Focus on building a friendship and you will find out if he truly isn’t worth your time or if he has qualities with which you can build a beautiful future with.
BMWK – would you get involved with a man that lives with his mother?