Do you dread dating because you’re bored with the kinds of men you meet? Or are you suffering from burn-out and the thought of getting dressed up just to be disappointed makes you feel like you’re wasting time when you could be getting work done? You might even feel bitter about the dating scene because it feels like men don’t want to court you–they’re rushing to sleep with you–and you’d rather just not be bothered with it all.
Well I want to help you make dating fun again with these simple but exciting tips that could turn around your love life in the next few months. Why? Because there’s a strong connection between energy and attraction. If you hate dating in the digital age and wish you could just fast forward through all of the swiping, texting and coffee meet ups, it’ll be hard to turn off that negative energy when you do meet someone with potential.
If, on the other hand, you can maintain your optimism and keep your energy high, you’ve increased your chances of standing out to quality men, simply because you’re on a completely different level from the masses.
So let’s make dating fun again so you can attract in your magnificent mate and get off the market for good!
#1 Re-Energize Your Dating Profile
I was recently working with a client who has a successful career and she couldn’t figure out why she wasn’t attracting men who wanted to go past a few casual dates. One look at her online dating profile and I could tell why! Her site felt like a cover letter for a corporate job. She talked more about what made her a great intellectual than she showed what made her a great date! Even her photos were of her dressed in a blazer and holding a stack of folders.
We infused her profile with new life by switching to pictures of her laughing and enjoying life. And I changed her “about me” section to include her love of salsa dancing, serendipitous travel all over the world, and, most importantly, stories of how she loved to dance at 90’s themed parties as well as her dream of being whisked away on a helicopter ride for a surprise date by her future boyfriend.
As a result, more quality men inboxed her, and they courted her by suggesting fun, exciting dates they wanted to plan for her.
If you want dating to be fun again, the first step is you have to show up as a fun, intriguing woman!
#2 Choose Out-Of-The-Box Dates
Coffee meet ups and dinner and a movie are all so cliche! Your environment can affect your energy, so think outside the box when deciding on where to meet up with your date. I know you expect him to plan it, but I want you to take responsibility for your own enjoyment and make suggestions to him about where you’d like to go. This will take a lot of the pressure off of him to figure out what would impress you and you’ll both be able to relax and have a good time. Not only that, an exciting date can help create chemistry because it gets your adrenaline pumping and your happiness hormones flowing.
Here are some out-of-the-box date ideas:
- Indoor rock climbing
- Take a cooking class together
- Line dancing
- Roller Skating
- Indoor skydiving
- Escape the Room mazes
- Go to an arcade
- Indoor skydiving
- Trap Yoga
Be willing to date outside your comfort zone if you want to bring more excitement into your love life.
#3 Let Your Inner Sasha Fierce Out
One of my clients couldn’t figure out why she couldn’t get past a first date. She used my online dating hacks to makeover her profile and she had quality men pursuing her who were wowed by her new dating photos and profile essay.
However, the bubbly, bold girl who had fun in her photo shoot wasn’t showing up on dates. Instead, she came off as boring, to tell the truth. How did I know? Because she told me she spent most of the time talking about work, her mother, and all her other responsibilities. The date felt more like a counseling session instead of a chance for romance.
Sometimes dating is boring because you approach it like an interview. Leave your corporate personality at the office, and create an alter ego that is just for dating so that you intentionally bring out the part of your personality you keep under wraps. Just like Beyonce lets the Sasha Fierce out when she’s performing on stage, you too can reveal your fun, flirty, joyful side on a date. Be sure to dress the part too! Exchange your black, browns and blues for some high-energy colors that draw attention to your beautiful skin tone. You’ll feel good about yourself and that translates into confidence. Confidence is contagious.
#4 Talk Sweet and Sassy
Remember it’s a date, not an interview or investigation! Instead of asking a gazillion questions trying to figure out if he wants to be married in the next 12 months, relax and focus on getting to know the other human being sitting in front of you. After all, you’ve probably only exchanged a few text messages and a phone call before you decided to see each other in real life, so you’ve only scratched the surface on this person’s life story.
Get to the know the person beyond what he does for a living. Find out how he likes to live his life! You could play guessing games during your first date–something like 20 questions–to get to know each other. Instead of asking, “what do you like to do for fun?” you could also take turns guessing each other’s backstory. Games are fun and help to reveal someone’s personality all at the same time!
#5) Wash Away The Day Before You Date
Burnout is a result of carrying too much stress, so if you’re feeling like it’s hard to bounce back from disappointment, you need to take a break. I’m not talking about taking down your dating profile. I’m talking about taking a self-care break so that you don’t carry the residue of your day into your next date.
For instance, one of my clients works as a supervising teacher in a big city. She was stressed out because she made herself available to her mentors and her boss before, during, and after work. She’d answer emails and accept phone calls late into the night, and soon found herself being constantly annoyed and irritated because she didn‘t have time for herself.
Her stress spilled over into her dates. She’d size up a man in 5 minutes flat, deciding if she liked him or not because she didn’t want to waste her time. The real issue, I told her, wasn’t that she wasn’t interested in these guys, because she didn’t even give them a chance. The problem was she didn’t give herself time to get into a relaxed state of mind before she talked with them. Instead, she was projecting her frustration from her job situation onto these men.
My advice was for her to put boundaries around her work time so she’d have more energy and feel more positive about her life and dating. I also wanted her to pamper herself more and spend some time unwinding from her day before she even logged onto a dating app so that her conversations with men felt more enjoyable (and she was more pleasant with the fellas).
Energy is contagious. Make sure you’re feeling happy and fulfilled before you go out on a date, and look for ways to create a high energy experience instead of hoping it’ll just happen. You have the power to make dating fun again and it starts with how you think and feel about dating in general.
BMWK, what was the most fun you’ve ever had on a date? What did you do to make it so special?