By Desiree S. Coleman
So you’re dating that special someone and now you’ve reached the “butterflies in stomach” status and the “I think about you all the time” phase of your relationship. You have been together for a while and now you’re asking yourself the quintessential question: Have I found “The One”? Well, here’s your answer. Use these 6 questions to assess if your honey is a keeper or if it’s time to start packing.
1) Are you growing as a result of the relationship?
A mate who is worth keeping will enhance your qualities and contribute to your growth. Consider your level of personal, spiritual and emotional growth at the time that you met your mate and compare that to present day. When you’ve found the one, you’ll notice how they’ve helped you to grow in all areas.
2) How are you when you’re around your mate?
Your mate should bring out the best in you – period. If you find yourself slipping into unhealthy behaviors or doing things out of your character when you’re with your honey, then it’s definitely time to take inventory. Your best qualities should shine through in your relationship and if they don’t, then chances are this one is not “The One.”
3) What do your friends and family say?
Do you find yourself uttering phrases like, “It’s just me and you against the world, baby” or “Can’t nobody understand our love”? If so, you might want to just walk away slowly. Believe it or not, there is value in the opinion of your closest family and friends because your inner circle knows your character,vulnerabilities, weaknesses and qualities. If you’re constantly defending your relationship to your inner circle, then chances are folks see something that you can’t see now. Don’t just chalk it up to having “haters,” but carefully consider their concerns.
4) How do you relate?
On a scale of one to 10 (where 10 is the highest) ““ rate your ability to trust your mate; the quality of your open and honest communication; the degree to which you feel supported in the relationship and your level of respect for their character. If you don’t have at least 7 in all categories, then those are red flags.
5) Do your interests and beliefs match up?
Are you and your mate growing the same direction? Do your moral, personal and spiritual beliefs align? Do your lifestyles and long-range goals mesh nicely? Do you hold the same ideals on family, home-life and children? Does your mate even want to get married in the near future? These can be deal-breakers so take the time ask the hard questions.
6) Are you compatible?
Is your relationship characterized by drama and conflict? Arguing and fighting? Are you in a cycle of break-up to make-up? If so, chances are you have not found the winner.
Desiree S. Coleman is a newlywed on a mission to help others have healthy and whole relationships. Her blog, www.thelovejourney.com, is dedicated to offering a fresh perspective on love, dating andrelationships.
I’ve been married 44 years. This is the best set of questions I’ve seen yet. Honest answers to these questions will keep you away from a bad experience. If you are looking for a lifetime mate, read these qustions again, and again, until the right person answers them.
I know because we have answered all of them positively through the 44 years of marriage. I wonder how I would have answered 44 years ago. The answer is, I answered them by saying “I do.”
I’ve been married 44 years. This is the best set of questions I’ve seen yet. Honest answers to these questions will keep you away from a bad experience. If you are looking for a lifetime mate, read these qustions again, and again, until the right person answers them.
I know because we have answered all of them positively through the 44 years of marriage. I wonder how I would have answered 44 years ago. The answer is, I answered them by saying “I do.”
Wow! This is the best compliment someone could ever give. I am so glad that someone who has been married for 44 years can vouch that my advice is on point 🙂
Thanks and I am humbled as I continue to focus on sharing relevant info to strengthen marriages and build healthy relationships.
Be Blessed,
Desiree http://www.thelovejourney.com
Thank you for this fantastic post! I’ve been married for nearly 12 years, and while all of these questions are great, I think the first one is extremely important. Often times, we are so excited to have met “the one,” that we don’t ask ourselves if that person really does enhance and encourage our growth. A person can be nice, fun and otherwise wonderful, but if they do not routinely support and respect your growth as an individual, separate and apart from them, then there will be unnecessary conflict. Thanks again!
I’ve been married 27 years and our common faith has been the secret to a mariage that significantly contributes to our becoming the people we were destined to be. =) There are quite a few other questions that are vital to ask as well (spiritual history, priority of relationship with God, credit scores, roles and division of labor, etc.). Unfortunately, I encounter so many people who are sidetracked or derailed (temporarily or permanently) from their purpose in life by a relationship that was not destined by God. Life is only fulfilling when you are fulfiling the purpose for which you were created. Here is a link to our pre-marital questionnaire: https://www.penntraining.com/wordfromaboveministry/id17.html If a person is uncomfortable sharing this information before marriage, “Run, Forest, Run!”
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Life coaching tips! Good job…
Life coaching tips! Good job…
Great questions and so far, I truly believe he is the one, after only 6 months, but only time will tell!!
Then take a deep breath – because you deserve a man who sees you and can love and nurture you the way you would him. But what if you’ve found yourself with a series of men who have been in some way negative, abusive, …. you were with was seeming to drag his heels, or just not care about your relationship… and you tried to make it work but it only seemed to BACKFIRE- then this question could be one of the most important questions youever ask yourself.
Im glad i read that it gave me confirmation that I’m on the right track I’ve been married now divorced and if I knew these things ahead of time I wouldn’t have married him but u live and learn. Now I’ve been single for 5yrs. And I know exactly what to do and what not to do. What to look for and what not to settle for….THIS IS MY LIFE I’M DEALING WITH…so it matters who’s in it.
Great article!
We’ve been married 17 years and I am struggling to score a 1-2 on all of these questions! However….our faith in God and our love for Him has allowed us to make it this far!! We were ages 24 & 25 when we married an had no positive examples of a healthy relationship. We just knew it was honorable in the sight of God!
Not only have I been able to tell young couples who reachout to us about what to do….we have plenty to share with them about what NOT to do! Love yourself first! Don’t look for any1 to make you happy….that’s YOUR job! Ur mate should be a “compliment”….not a CONTRIDICTION!!
KUDOS to the 44 years! The questions are definately eye-openers!
I been married for3 yrs.and been with him going on 11yrs.next year
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