We’ve exposed the ugly truth when it comes to conflict resolution strategies, and it’s changing marriages. If you believe good communication is the best conflict resolution to solve ALL of your marital problems, you’re sadly mistaken. We hear from couples all the time that they are doing everything in their power to work on their communication, but things are just not changing in their marriages. If you want to know how to really solve your marriage problems, then read on for some conflict management styles that are more than just communicating with each other.
In this article:
- Learning Conflict Resolution
- Until You’re Blue in the Face
- Taking Our Blinders Off
- Forming a United Front
- Getting Educated
Using Conflict Resolution Strategies to Fix Your Marital Issues
This is Part 3 of a 3-part series on improving communication in your marriage:
- Part 1 – How We Went from Fussing and Fighting to Being Happily Married for 10 Years…
- Part 2 – 5 Things that We Did to Improve Our Communication and Save Our Marriage
- Part 3 [You Are Here] – Alert: Good Communication Will Not Solve All of Your Marital Problems, But These Will
Learning Conflict Resolution
Wondering why communication alone can’t fix your marital problems? That’s because you have to do more than just saying the right words, rephrasing your words so your spouse understands, or picking the right time and place to talk.
If you’re going to solve your marital problems, you have to develop conflict resolution skills by considering the actions below:
- Focus on conflict resolution strategies.
- Make sure your actions are lining up with your words.
- Have consideration for your spouse’s feelings.
- Have an understanding of your own feelings and needs.
- Change your mindset and your thought processes.
- Go beyond the words and understand body language and actions (non-verbal cues).
Until You’re Blue in the Face
Just think about it. You and your spouse could have very strong but different opinions on parenting and discipline, on religion, and on handling the finances. And no matter how many times your spouse explains their point of view (they can talk until they are blue in the face), you are not going to change yours.
This scenario played out so many times in our marriage, especially after we were first married. You see, we have a blended family where I brought two kids into the marriage, and then we quickly had two more kids. Lamar and I did not see eye-to-eye on how to discipline the children. We wanted the same things, but we had very different methods of getting there. And it was causing a lot of strife within our marriage.
Finally, it all came to head one day when we were having a very heated argument over the kids. (A lot of tears were shed.) But thank God on that day, we made a commitment to each other to turn our marriage around. On that day in our bedroom, we decided to do whatever it takes to have the happy marriage we both desired and turned our marriage around by resolving our issues.
1. Taking Our Blinders Off
The first thing we had to do was to admit we had a problem. Seeing that our home isn’t perfect opened our eyes to the truth that we need help. Regardless of your efforts in building a perfect marriage, there are uncontrollable things that come our way. With these, we need to get the help we need. Our friends, family members, and even licensed marriage counselors– these are some of the people who helped us have a better relationship.
2. Forming a United Front
We decided to work together as a team on all things, especially in front of our kids and extended family. What our children see creates a great impact on the understanding. So, we decided to be a team at all times. Doing this helped us get closer to each other.
3. Getting Educated
We didn’t know how to be a blended family, so we got the help we needed from marriage resources and experts. We attended marriage conferences and retreats and we socialized with other married couples. Doing these allowed us to learn from their experiences and we were able to share our story with them as well.
Learn more about how to be a great team as a couple and live a happier life as a married couple by watching this video from us:
Being able to effectively communicate definitely helped us to connect. However, to turn our marriage around, we had to go beyond communication and make some serious changes with the help of these conflict resolution strategies. With these helpful suggestions, may you resolve your marital issues and reduce your conflicts like us and live better with your spouse.
BMWK Family – We want to create a shift in marriages across the globe by helping couples just like you with your marital communication. We’re doing this with our BMWK Effective Communication (Online Training). It’s a self-paced online training that connects couples with expert instruction that will support, equip and encourage healthy verbal and non-verbal communication. And the best part about it is you’ll receive this training from the comfort of your own home as you make your communication better.
Do you have anything else to add to our couples’ conflict resolution strategies? Let us know in the comments section below, BMWK!
Editor’s Note: This article was originally published on October 29, 2015, and has been updated for quality and relevancy.