by: Jazz Keyes Once upon a time there was a boy named John. John had stars in his eyes. Then life changed. You see, John didn’t recognize it, but in an unfair rite of passage, John’s father trained his son to be just like him. Every time he emerged on the scene, he made sure to deposit his masochist thoughts into his son’s youung malleable mind. He intentionally taught … [Read more...]
Decoding the Female Language: Here’s What She’s Really Saying!
Women are not complicated. In fact, we are quite simple. Despite being fairly easy to please, we wrestle with how to communicate our needs. Often, our desperate pleas to have our wants satisfied can send us into an unstable frenzy. Our need for closeness and intimacy is mistaken for clinginess. Craving compliments is often interpreted as insecurity, and our fears are seen as … [Read more...]
When the Drama Queen is a Drama King
Do not buy into the myth that choosing drama is a female thing. Drama queens ain’t got nothing on drama kings. Like drama queens, drama kings inspire strong emotions, which can initially pass as intoxicating passion and sexual chemistry (what some describe as “catching feelings”), but ultimately spirals into an endless cycle of reckless disruption, leaving nothing but … [Read more...]
Can Money Buy Love?
There’s nothing some people won’t do for love. Unfortunately, that too often includes horrendous money decisions, the kinds that can destroy both your financial health and your relationships. (Those who think love and money have nothing to do with each other have probably never been through a divorce.) The sad truth is relationships are harmed when one person is over-invested … [Read more...]
Do You Know What Forgiveness Really Is?
Forgiveness is not justification for inviting, permitting or rewarding continued violations, offenses or abuse. Forgiveness does not absolve you of your responsibility to honor, esteem, respect — and protect — yourself. You can let go of anger, bitterness and resentment, forgive debts and forget losses, and pardon or excuse violations and poor treatment without staying in … [Read more...]
4 Things That Won’t Fix Your Relationship
Pay all of her bills. Give him a baby. Put a ring on it. What do all of these things have in common? They are among the popular ways that people try to fix a relationship—even when it’s obvious that it should end, or should never have begun. Another thing such relationship fixes have in common—they rarely, if ever, work. While such tactics might provide a temporary fix (for a … [Read more...]
Are You Planning for a Wedding or a Marriage?
People put an exorbitant amount of time, energy and money into planning their perfect wedding: The perfect flowers, the perfect dress, the perfect location(s), the perfect rings, the perfect hairdo, the perfect honeymoon, even the perfect people in terms of imagery (looks, size, hair and sadly, even skin tone) in order to capture what they might consider the perfect wedding … [Read more...]
Is the Drama in Your Relationship Really About Love?
You’ll never forget how you felt when you first met. You could hardly catch your breath, your heart pounding in your chest, your pulse racing. And the sex! It was amazing, explosive, mind-blowing. It was everything the movies, the music, and your fantasies said that true love would be: intense, hot, exciting, crazy. At least in the beginning. Until you begin to realize that … [Read more...]
Do You Know What Healthy Love Is?
Too many people, and society as a whole, equate possessiveness with love, subtly and not so subtly advancing the idea that the object of your affection is property to be acquired, captured or conquered, a prize to be won. The idea that someone’s desire for us is so overpowering that he or she would do anything to have us seems powerfully romantic, at least initially, and is … [Read more...]
Letting Go of the Wrong Relationship To Find the Right One
We all know people who stay together despite being miserable, refusing to recognize or accept that a relationship has run its course. Those who stay despite unhealthy conditions and treatment do so for many reasons, including belief systems that are anti-divorce, fear of being alone, a society that frowns on quitting, feeling unworthy of or unable to do better, the romantic … [Read more...]
What Should You Look for When Searching for Lasting Love
What does Forrest Gump know about lasting love that most of us don’t? He was oblivious of the things that society uses to determine the attractiveness and suitability of a relationship partners. These include basic niceness (i.e., Mom and/or Dad would approve), physical attractiveness, sexual chemistry, good job/income, education/intelligence, family/social status and religious … [Read more...]
How to Enter, Engage and End Relationships in a Healthy Way
Grown people know that loving feelings do not justify turning off your brain. The fact that you feel love for someone does not necessarily mean that they are ready, willing and able—i.e. qualified—for a relationship with you (or vice versa). Being Grown also means that your love does not give you the power to make them so. In the Grown Zone, we measure the quality of a … [Read more...]
New Relationships: 4 Things You Should Stop Giving Up for Love
There are four things you should never surrender access to in order to secure a new relationship: your body, your money, your home and your heart. In the Grown Zone, you are responsible for setting standards and boundaries to protect your sexual health, your financial stability, your home security and your emotional safety. Unfortunately, these are too often the first things … [Read more...]
5 Financial Mistakes You Need to Stop Making in the Name of Love
Adults are messy enough when it comes to love, sex and relationships. But for real rachetness, add money to the mix. Too many people pay dearly both emotionally and financially because they insist on treating love as a form of currency, like the yen or Euro, with an exchange rate convertible to U.S. dollars. For examples of the relationship disasters that result, just look at … [Read more...]