Many couples can’t create the happily ever after they want because of the many ghosts that dwell in, fly around and haunt their relationship. Are you unable to fully receive and experience love with your mate because of the ghosts of insecurities, past hurts and past relationships still threaten to surface? Are your personal baggage ghosts weighing your relationship down? Are you allowing external ghosts to penetrate and destroy your relationship? Couples take a moment to reflect and take inventory of the ghosts that you are allowing to haunt your relationship.
Couples if the unresolved baggage (cheating, lying, abuse, control, etc.) from previous relationships, are continuing to surface in your current relationship, you’re on a path of destruction. If you’re constantly checking your mate’s phone, questioning their whereabouts and accusing them of being unfaithful because your ex cheated on you, you’re projecting your insecurity ghost of infidelity on your mate. That behavior will ultimately accomplish one of two things: pushing your mate away from the relationship or pushing them into the arms of someone else.
Remaining mentally and emotionally trapped by past hurts and disappointments is not only unhealthy for you, it’s unfair to your mate. Your current mate never gets a clean slate to build a healthy relationship with you. Often, trying to control a situation to prevent a negative outcome will ultimately produce the very outcome you were desperately trying to avoid.
Personal baggage ghosts are much worse than past relationship baggage ghosts because, for most, they have been around for a lifetime. Since the personal baggage ghosts (jealousy, lack of trust, anger, lack of accountability and responsibility, etc.) have had so much time to grow, they become so large they weigh you down. Most people haunted by these ghosts can’t even recognize love, let alone receive or give love. If you are not aware that jealousy is your ghost, you will suffocate your mate. If you don’t recognize and acknowledge the lack of accountability for your actions, this ghost will frustrate your mate. If your lack of trust ghost is freely flying around, your mate is defeated before they even have a chance to start loving you, as you will never trust them enough to be receptive to love. Personal baggage ghosts are like termites; they have voracious appetites and silently eat away at you and ultimately cause your relationship to crumble.
Many of us have a friend or a family member who finds fault with every person you date. They say things like, “your man doesn’t make as much money as you; he is just using you.” These relationship whisperers are your external ghosts. External relationship ghosts (toxic friends, invasive family, generational curses) plants seeds of doubt in your mind. You quietly allow these seeds to germinate, then watch the weeds pop up and choke the life out of your relationship. These are the deadliest of relationship ghosts because they are highly contagious and you can be infected anytime, anywhere and by anybody. External relationship ghosts seek to destroy your peace and happiness. Generational curses of broken homes, believing that relationships have no value, thinking that good relationships don’t exist, etc—these thoughts often influence your actions, which eventually confirm your beliefs.
Couples you have to make the conscious choice that you want to be happy in your relationships. Once you decide that, you have to summon the courage to identify and exterminate your ghosts. You must be proactive in taking action, as these ghosts don’t leave on their own. Extermination requires a great deal of internal hard work and commitment. Don’t allow the process to discourage you. Allow the freedom and the rewards to encourage you.
BMWK are you allowing your relationship ghosts to infiltrate and destroy your happily ever after?