Recently on my facebook fan page I posted an article about “Side Chicks”. Simply discussing some of the reasons women accept the role, and some reasons a man may choose to try and place her there. In the comments thread a woman attempted to validate the reason for being a “side chick” due to the ratio of black men to women being 20:1 as she claimed.
This immediately caught my attention, because I know that number is way off, but I also know there has been a lot of talk about the ratio being very lopsided. I hear it all the time from people as a way to explain the struggles of many good black women not finding a “suitable” partner. I have also heard it used to justify having multiple women, and as mentioned earlier, a way to validate being with someone else’s man. I believe a little light needs to be shed on this issue, so here is my perspective.
I think most of us know by now there are certainly more black women than there are black men. Some cities have it worse than others, and some may actually have more men, but as a whole we pretty much know this to be true. It is said to be 87 black men to every 100 black women. From there, people will then bring down the number of available black men by deducting for incarceration, homosexuality, and for some they will even just use a standard of quality to bring the number down lower. Even if that dropped the number down to 20 black men for every 100 women, that ratio would be 5:1. Which is still not great for the women, but nowhere near the numbers some will proclaim.
What is deceptive about this approach to explaining the ratio is that people don’t seem to use the same “math” with the number of women. I’m sure we are all aware that there are also women in prison, women who have a different sexual preference, and if you want to use the quality standard then a case could be made for that too. Adding in those factors would bring down the gap in the ratio to some degree, and provide a more accurate depiction of how things are. To apply it to one side is very misleading and has created what is in my opinion a very damaging perception of things that has hindered people more than anything.
After doing some research I chose not to focus on the exact numbers, because I believe that is where many are developing this negative and hindering perception of things. We are so quick to buy into the hype because many times it becomes easier to blame our circumstances than it is to look within ourselves for the answer. If you are struggling to find a partner, the power lies more within you to make the necessary changes to see better results. You may not like hearing that, but this principle is true in all aspects of life. If you desire multiple women, you aren’t doing it as a favor due to an uneven ratio. You are simply being greedy and you want to validate doing what pleases you.
Lastly, you don’t have to go after someone else’s man, because there are plenty still available to be taken. When you are willing to look at yourself in the mirror, it becomes easier to see things around you more clearly. Do not let a ratio cause you to embrace a negative mindset. You are capable of much more, and with a more positive approach, you increase your ability to see much more positive results.
BMWK – have you ever heard that there are far more available African American women than men? Did this impact your outlook on dating?