I usually receive really honest feedback from the articles I write for BMWK. I respond whenever I receive one of those “how can this help me now” comments from someone who thinks divorce is their only choice. When your marriage is in trouble, divorce is the nuclear option but there are many questions that should be asked before you hit that button.
Ask these 20 Questions When Your Marriage is in Trouble
In this article:
I usually ask: do they both want a divorce and what have they tried already to save their marriage? They’re important questions because sometimes couples don’t want a divorce, they just can’t think of other options.
The importance of a self-check
What I’ve learned in my own marriage and in coaching other couples is, there is always a point or an action right before the marriage takes a turn for the worse.
Sometimes couples can catch it; other times, couples see it but continue to head down the path of relationship destruction because they don’t quite know how to get back on track.
Make another attempt to return to the course. Whether you’ve reached that point in your journey or have passed it, I’m imploring you to give your marriage a chance.
What I’m asking of you will call for strength, patience and an emotionally-draining discussion(s) with your spouse.
So prior to having any conversation about the challenges in your relationship, you must prepare yourself beforehand.
Do a self-check first. Then, decide what you’d like the outcome of the talk to be. Next, consider what role you contributed to arriving in this place and what changes you are willing to make to improve the marriage.
It’s Time For 20 Questions
Once you’ve done that and are ready to have this discussion with your partner, here are some questions you may want to ask your spouse:
- Are you happy? Why or Why Not?
- Can we pray over our marriage?
- When do you think our marriage changed?
- Why do you think our marriage changed?
- How do you think we arrived here?
- Am I the spouse you thought I’d be? Why or why not?
- Have I changed in your opinion? If so, what do you think has changed most?
- Do you think you’ve changed? If so, what do you think has changed most?
- Do you think enough sacrifices are being made from both of us? Why or why not?
- What sacrifices do you think I’ve made for the marriage?
- Are there sacrifices do you think you’ve made for the marriage?
- What vision did you have for our marriage?
- What do you think is preventing that vision from happening?
- How have I played a role in us being in this space?
- What role do you think you play in us being in this space?
- Do you still want this marriage, why or why not?
- Are you willing to help me in fighting for our marriage?
- Have we done everything possible to save our marriage?
- Divorce isn’t the only option for our marriage, what solutions do you think we can come up with together to get back to our happy place?
- What are you willing to do to help save us?
Naturally, these 20 questions are just the beginning of the journey to get your marriage back on track. Find and use resources by professionals and organizations that specialize in coaching and counseling troubled couples. If your marriage is in trouble, don’t let it be one of the statistics. Fight for it and encourage your spouse to do the same.
BMWK: what additional questions do you think couples should ask to help save their marriage?
Up Next: What is Communication in Marriage? 5 Scriptures That Teach You to Watch Your Mouth!
Editor’s Note – This post was originally published on February 26, 2016, and has been updated for quality and relevancy.
I think all of this information is very helpful. I have enjoyed the video’s and articles.
However, my spouse is and has not been willing to engage in conversation with me regarding a marriage solution. That includes taking advice from the books I have read, sermons I have listened to and marriage counseling. We attended 3 sessions and he said he was not going to keep paying for sessions and had no other solutions.
So tomorrow we go to divorce court.
I will continue to read and listen to your material because it has been helpful to me.
Thank you all for the work you do.
Linda, I am in the same marital condition as you. I have contemplated divorce and even filed my petition with the Court, court date in June 2019.. However, I am so convicted not to get a divorce because I have made a covenant marriage vow before God, family, and church family. The only thing I now know to do is to continue to pray God will protect and keep my marriage together, and to help me to transform my thinking, my talk n communication with husband and to show n express unconditional love towards him through the power and strength of the Holy Spirit who dwells within me; because my husband is not wanting to counsel with no one!! I have to work on me so he can see a difference in me! I am praying for you Linda & your husband as well!
Other important questions are: Why did you get married in the first place? What first made you fall in love with that person? Has that been maintained or not? What were your expectations about your marriage? What ideally did you want to happen? What are you both ready willing and able to do long-term to make your marriage last forever? What sacrifices and compromises are you willing to make?