Ooh Wee! Juggling marriage and family is a chore. You want to ensure that both feel like a priority in your life but it can sometimes feel overwhelming. One thing I have learned in my many years of coaching couples is that one won’t work without the other. You need your relationships with your children and the family outside of your marriage to be healthy and in a good space so no negativity bleeds into your marriage. In addition, you need your union to be strong because, well that’s your most valued relationship and you should always be seeking ways for prioritizing your marriage. Your whole life feels better when you are happy in love. This article will help you honor your most treasured relationships so it feels fulfilling and not draining.
Marriage and Family – How to Make Them Both Feel Like a Priority
In This Article:
How to Set Boundaries
Once you decide to say “I Do” your spouse becomes your primary focus. This is the person you chose to do life with. The one that will stick by your side and you by theirs. With this person, you will navigate through life’s joys as well as its trials. They should be your most trusted and reliable source and the person that will love and cherish you the hardest. For all of those reasons, you have to set boundaries for everyone who lives outside of that relationship. Setting boundaries will make prioritizing your marriage that much easier. If you are uncomfortable setting them, here are a few tips. Be clear and truthful about what your spouse and marriage mean to you. Your other loved ones should know just how much you value your marriage. If they are clear on that, they are less likely to put you in situations that will jeopardize your relationship. Know that it is okay to say “no” and stand by your “no”. Of course, people will be disappointed from time to time because they want you to do what they want you to do. But anything that can cause issues in your home, has to be a firm “no”. Another thing to keep in mind is to not bad mouth your spouse to others. Any issues you have, work them out with your spouse first. It’s okay to get advice from those that love you and your marriage but be mindful of how you talk about your spouse to other people. Sometimes speaking negatively about your partner gives others permission to challenge or disrespect your spouse as well, and that just does not work for any marriage. Again, setting boundaries for those outside of your marriage will help strengthen the inside of your marriage.
Stand by Your Commitment
Do you remember your vows? All of the emotions that you experienced during the wedding day and life thereafter, can sometimes cause a sense of forgetfulness of the promises made. Prioritizing your marriage means that those vows exchanged are always at the forefront of both you and your spouse’s minds. I encourage couples to have a framed version of their wedding vows in a visible location so they serve as a daily reminder of how to show up in your marriage. Honoring your commitment honors your spouse. If you both are doing that for one another, you will be surprised by how amazing your relationship will feel. Nothing makes a person feel better than for someone to do what they said they would do for them, consistently.
Enjoy Your Family
After prioritizing your marriage is understood by all who matter, it’s now time to plan to enjoy your family. Just because you are married doesn’t mean other areas of your life have to change completely. Even after you’ve set your boundaries for your marriage, you can also establish guidelines for the time you spend with your family. Letting your spouse know the inner workings of your relationships outside of your marriage and how you want them involved will be helpful. If there are certain traditions in your family, continue to honor those, and inform and include your spouse. When you got married your spouse became an automatic addition to your family. When it is family time let your spouse know and share how important it is to you. During this time, your family should feel like a priority. You can demonstrate this by being fully present, listening attentively, and giving them the best version of you. Make sure you are intentional about carving out time to enjoy your family. Set family date nights and seek ways to keep your connection alive. Though things will change after marriage, your family should still feel loved and needed by you.
Balance Your Priorities
Prioritizing your marriage and enjoying your family are both possible when you understand how to balance the two. Both should receive the love and care you have to give. There should be dedicated time and energy devoted to each. It may feel like you are being pulled in two different directions at times, but there are a few things to remember so that you don’t have those feelings. First, remember to practice your own self-care. Taking the time to replenish what you’ve shared with others provides you with what you need to continue to show love to your family and spouse. Next, use time as the valuable commodity that it is. Put time on your calendar to spend with those you love and cherish those moments. Do your best not to waste them on disagreements and holding grudges. Love, forgive, and move on. Finally, use effective communication to express your love for your family and spouse, but also to share what you need in each of those relationships. Those who love you most will respect whatever needs you share with them. Love is about making sacrifices for others and your family and spouse should be able to make them for you.
Balancing marriage and family isn’t always easy. Having a solid plan in place, setting your boundaries, and finding ways to enjoy your family, are great places to begin.
BMWK, how do you make your spouse and your family feel like a priority?