There’s no doubt about it: any relationship worth having will take a commitment and hard work from both parties. With marriage, I’ve never liked to use the term “hard work” because it has a negative connotation. My greatest love lesson comes in knowing that marriage is “love work“. It’s “commitment work“. It’s “joy work“. You could even say, it’s homework; but after a long day, it should be something you can’t wait to come home to, not dread.
There are many reasons why I still believe in marriage. And over the last 10 years of marriage, I can truly say that my husband and I are closer than we have ever been. Why? Through years of working on our marriage, I now know that I can go to him with any problem and we will work together to create a solution. Back in the day when he came to me with a problem, I took immediate offense, which would deter him from speaking up. I had to learn that every disagreement wasn’t a personal attack. Because I didn’t grow up in a household where I was free to voice my concerns/opinions, I had to work on learning to express myself if I wanted to improve my marriage. I had to learn that my husband was in fact on my team. His desires were to work with me and not against me. Communication deepens and grows your marriage, while a lack of communication builds distance between you. Sometimes you just have to work through those difficult conversations (According to YourTango.com, poor communication is the No. 1 cause of divorce. )
Well, thank God for giving us what we need long before we even know we need it. My husband is one of the most patient and understanding people you will ever meet. We have learned so much from each other about the power of “love work” and communication. We don’t know everything there is to know, but we have surely come a long way. Disagreements will always come and go, but it’s how you choose to deal with them that will make the difference in strengthening or weakening your relationship. In our marriage, our greatest love lesson learned is to allow each other to grow in our own respects; but to communicate whilst we grow so we have an understanding of where we are individually as well as together. And that’s the sweet spot when our marriage works beautifully.
BMWK: What is your greatest love lesson learned for a happy marriage?