The first step to resolving any issue in a relationship is to admit that it exists in the first place. Though it might be difficult to admit you are unhappy in marriage, nothing changes if you aren’t willing to own that truth. Many couples have found themselves unhappy in marriage at some point in their relationship. And many couples have asked the question “is it time for a divorce?” Difficulty in marriage doesn’t have to mean the end. There is hope and BMWK is here to offer advice for unhappy marriages.
Are You Unhappy in Marriage? | How to Love Your Marriage When It’s Hard to Love Your Spouse
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This current climate has put quite a strain on marriages. With all of the added pressures of protecting your family and trying to maintain some sense of normalcy in your life, frustrations and moments of unhappiness are sure to set in. Your spouse is likely to experience the same things. The same set of emotions may be impacting you both, but the way you choose to approach them might be different. And that is where conflict arises. It is more important than ever to communicate and learn how to love your marriage when it feels hard to even love your spouse. Here are a few suggestions for anyone who finds themselves unhappy in marriage
Question Your Unhappiness
Get to the bottom of why you are feeling unhappy in marriage at this time. Ask yourself those hard questions to uncover the truth. What are you feeling at this time? What is causing that feeling? What do you wish your spouse was doing more of? What part of your unhappiness do you take responsibility for? Is this something that you and your spouse can fix? Are you willing to try to make things better? Answering these key questions and having a conversation with your spouse about your responses is a great place to begin healing your marriage.
Though the unhappiness may be reigning supreme in your life at the moment, don’t forget to also count your marriage blessings. What in your marriage are you grateful for? Take inventory of what is working in your relationship. It could be as simple as you both are still there and willing to try. There is something to be said for that.
Address the Minor Things
Address the minor things so they don’t become major, final straw things. Don’t let the little things turn into big things. Things left unsaid can cause bigger issues down the line. That isn’t to say you and your spouse should complain about everything, but it does mean neither of you should let things build up until you are at a breaking point and unhappy in marriage. Pick your battles, but address the things that truly trouble you. Spending time in quarantine has likely amplified your spouse’s bad habits. Which in smaller doses, those habits were tolerable, but now that you have more exposure to them, it can feel overwhelming. Address issues as they surface when they feel too hard to ignore. Speaking up about what is bothering you now, could possibly prevent additional challenges from hurting your relationship in the future. There is so much to learn about one another when you discuss your concerns.
Take a Time Out
The pressures of marriage are real. Pause for just a moment to regroup and refocus on what really matters. Self-care is more necessary than ever. Take time for your own mental well-being. Take a mental health day away from your marriage. Be sure to tell your spouse why you need time for yourself and encourage your spouse to do the same. Use this time to intentionally focus on only you and your needs. Write down what you are feeling in this moment and what you need for your healing to begin. Think about all the ways you can be good to yourself. One thing is for sure, you can’t properly show up for your marriage or your spouse if you aren’t in a good space personally.
Picture What Better Looks Like in Your Marriage
A mediocre marriage can become a great marriage when the couple does the work to make it so. If you are unhappy in marriage, invest in your marriage and create a vision for what better looks like. Does you and your spouse’s version of better include clear communication and validating one another’s thoughts and opinions? Or does better for your marriage include a deeper level of intimacy? Define better for your marriage and take the action steps needed to make better a reality. Make a choice and use your power to turn things around. Sometimes just visioning a happy marriage can begin to manifest in both you and your partner’s actions.
Being unhappy in a marriage is a choice. You could choose to fight for your marriage by working with your spouse on changing those behaviors that are hurting you both. Or you can choose to not take any action and allow the relationship to remain the same. Your happiness is up to you and your spouse. Don’t be afraid to challenge and question your unhappiness, address the things that bother you, take a break when you need one, and picture what better looks like for your marriage and take action.
BMWK, how have you handled the challenging times in your marriage?