Dear BMWK,
I do have a topic that I would love to be discussed. I would like to hear from families where the partners have different faiths and how they cope. I’m currently in that situation right now (we’ve only been married 1.5 years) where I’m non-denominational and he grew up Jehovah’s Witness.
HER VIEW:
Interfaith marriages can work…but it is not easy as religion is one of the most important topics in a marriage. You both are in this marriage knowing that the other person has a different religion. Therefore, you should take the time to learn about the other person’s religion and possibly find similarities between the two. Going into the marriage with the idea that you are going to change your partner or force your partner to attend your church and accept your religion is not a good idea. This will only cause arguments and resentment.
HIS VIEW:
There are several tough and very, very tough topics in life and religion is one of them when you are not believers in the same type of faith. Personally for me this is something I wanted to avoid so finding someone with the same beliefs as me was a requirement on my list. I do believe in the equally yoked theory. In addition I took into consideration problems that could come up with raising our children etc… Now you’re already married so this is a totally different ball game. Check out this article on how some people deal with inter-faith marriages by clicking here. It’s not telling you how to do it, just what some couples do and experience. In this situation like many others I think communication is definitely the key.
BMWK readers, are you or have you been in an inter-faith marriage or relationship? What did you experience? What advice would any of you give our reader? Was religion a factor in you choosing your spouse?
Harriet says
I agree with both TheMom and TheDad on this one. They both touched on some important points. I did the same as TheDad…I didn’t want to marry anyone that was of a different belief, because my faith means too much to me. It defines my choices and actions, and I don’t give it lip service.
However, since you are already married, you’re going to have to try to make this thing work out. It’s difficult, but doable, as TheMom has stated.
It will definitely require some communication. When you say “non-denominational,” does that mean you are a Christian? If that’s the case, I would not suggest trying to manipulate the situation by laying tracts around the house for your husband to find and read, or inviting your pastor over for dinner so he or she can talk to your husband. More than likely, that will push him in the opposite direction.
If you are serious about your faith, I also would not suggest conforming to the standards of Jehovah’s Witnesses, because their beliefs, although close in theory, are contrary to Christianity.
I would, however, suggest you all continue to discuss how you choose to raise your children. If you don’t have any, GREAT! Take some time to come to a consensus. If you do, GREAT! Take even more time to come to a consensus. LOL
Ultimately, in my observations, whichever person is more committed to their faith is the one that converts their spouse. It’s not a competition, though. If you really believe that eternity hangs in the balance for your husband and your children/future children, then commit to being the best spouse you can be. Not to win your spouse over, but to solidify that Who you serve in terms of your faith is loving, faithful and powerful. If your spouse begins to ask you questions, answer gently, not judgmenally.
I could go on and on about this, but I’ll stop here. I hope some of what I wrote helps.
MissJay says
Well I’m not in a relationship like that. I am not baptised (my mother didn’t force it on me and neither did my grandmother or father, pop-pop didn’t go to church) but I grew up going to The Kingdom Hall of Jehovah’s Witnesses with my grandmother. They actually are Christians, they just do things vastly differently than other Christians. But that’s a different topic.
I have cousins who grew up in a household where their mother is a Jehovah’s Witness and their father attends Bible classes at another place, don’t get me to lying about the name. All 3 of them had to attend all the meetings of both of their parents and on Sundays they could choose which one they wanted to go to. That meant they were in church or bible school 6 days of the week. This was done until they were 18 and then they were allowed to decide which faith of the two or any or none at all. This somewhat worked out for them. The oldest followed her mom’s footsteps, but if did cause some animosity between her and her father. The middle one followed his dad, with some animosity between he and his mother (althought they weren’t all THAT close but still). The youngest decided not to do either one. Her mother was really disappointed and tries to get her to go back to the Kingdom Hall but she refuses. I stayed a week with them when I was little. That was A LOT of church! OMG, I personally vowed never to stay with them by myself until I was 18 and could say no thank you. I look at their example and didn’t want to be that way. I personally go to a baptist church with my fiancé and his family. I like it there. It’s not really the denomination to me it’s the fact that the pastor can keep my attention and I’m not trying to fight off sleep. But I digress. I think it’s a fine balancing act on how to raise your children in a 2 faith household.
Anna says
@ MissJay.
“its a fine balancing act on how to raise your children in a 2 faith household.”. So ture. My mom was a JW my dad not an atheist but a dreamer/believer. We raised ourselves and what ever vacation bible school bus that came in our neighborhood we got on it. I don’t think that if a man is not religious it makes him a bad man. Religion can confuse a kid. My first born started her first year in a Catholic School, now that was dumb on my part. We are not Catholic. LOL.
Kai Sanders says
Q: “What do you do when you have different faiths?”
A: You Love each other to the pinnacle of your own faith.
That’s the short answer.
I think it’s interesting that this topic is addressed 1.5 years after you were married. If I am not mistaken, there are over 28 million interfaith couples in America. And they are making it work. It’s definitely challenging, no doubt. But it’s not impossible.
As a Christian woman engaged to a man of Islam, there has been A WHOLE LOT of discussion on how we would first, support one another in our individual belief system and second, on how we would raise our children and how they would believe. We both believe in God and that has been a GREAT start for us. We have been magnified under Heavenly Father’s guidance to not create obstacles in our Love but to remove them or overcome them and we’re continuing to grow.
Because we were brought together by the hand of God, we go on ahead and acknowledge Him in our own ways and it is beautiful. I wish you great rejoicing as you learn how to balance the religions of the household. As you learn to honor and respect the faith of your spouse (even if you don’t believe the same yourself), you’ll find Love increase in your heart for your spouse simply because you have a partner who DOES believe in a Higher Power and will bless your life because of it.
God’s continued blessings. Always…(s.m.i.l.e.)