We are all pretty familiar with the man cave and a man’s need to have his own personal space. This room is generally used as an escape from all the busyness, stress and everything else that comes with having a family. Believe me I get it. Returning home following a stressful day at the daytime job and jumping right into the nighttime career would send anyone running toward a secret hideaway. What I love most about the idea of a man cave is the other spouse’s willingness and understanding of this concept. The acknowledgement that a spouse needs his/her own space to unwind and just be speaks volumes to the love and commitment created in that marriage.

I am always fascinated by the design and set up of these man caves. What you find are usually items that bring a type of peace, fulfillment and joy to the person it belongs to. After some married friends of ours bought their first home and were giving us the tour, I noticed that the husband’s man cave was a work in progress while the wife had carved out her very own piece of serenity. This gorgeous room, which she labeled the “green room,” was this wonderful space in a quiet area of this beautiful home where she could let her hair down and release the burdens that may have followed her home. It was beautifully decorated and included all of things that were important to her, books, music and expressive artwork. I remember not even wanting to see the rest of the house. Just walking into that space generated a certain level of peace for me also.

But in that moment I recognized how important that space was. The appearance of it, the actual size of the area or where it physically is in the home are all irrelevant. Whether it’s an actual space inside the home at all doesn’t even matter. The key is just that it exists somewhere. As long as we are taking the necessary mental and physical breaks we need to stay positive, healthy and focused is what’s most important.

While we all may not have a large home with plenty of extra rooms to choose from we can still make our private retreat a reality. Even if it happens to be a shared space, there can be certain times when only the spouse needing it at that moment is allowed. I have made our bedroom my space. So while my husband is in his man cave (our basement) enjoying himself, I turn our collective area into that “green room” I fell in love with in our friends’ home. Once I take that needed time, I return to my family refreshed and replenished. This is the mommy and wife they appreciate the most.

Life can be absolutely insane, crazy and downright stressful. Marriage and family can also easily add to that craziness at times, but to carve out a refuge that makes us feel good and restores our energy and spirit will potentially make us a much better person overall.

BMWK, what does your space look like in your marriage?