This post is a direct result of a few emotions I experienced this week. During a leadership meeting, my husband and I both attended, I felt as though my husband was being challenged on a report he presented to the church. Although I did not immediately react, there was a huge part of me that wanted to jump in and challenge back. It may have been a misinterpretation on my part, but I did feel an urgent need to defend him. He may not have felt as though he was being attacked, but I sure did and I wanted to run to his rescue. He firmly and positively handled the situation. But it all made me wonder about the key roles that we as spouses hold.

In addition to love, trust, honesty, and communication, there are three additional attributes needed to be successful in marriage.

Protect is about how we make our partners feel. Have we provided a safe environment? Are their secrets safe with us? Do we judge or criticize their actions and decisions? Are they able to be vulnerable and be themselves around us. Making them feel like they are good enough, as they are, is a role most of us take for granted. We are happier when we feel the most protected; especially within the confines of our relationship.

Defend is when we come to the rescue of our spouse. Which is exactly what I wanted to do during the meeting mentioned above. No matter who it is, we shouldn’t allow anyone to speak negatively to or about our spouse, even if it happens to be our own family. We have to show others we will not tolerate any disrespect toward our life partners. When a family member does speak ill of our spouse do we step in and speak up for them? Do we combat negatives with positive? Does our spouse know that we will support them even when it’s not a popular choice with our family or friends? Real security arrives in a relationship when we know we have a spouse that has our back.

Honor is about the communication and actions we choose to use toward our spouse. We have a few choices in this area. We can choose that which honors and esteems them or we can choose the option that tears them down and belittles them. The more we realize there is power in our tongues the better our communication will be. Our partners need to know, feel, and experience the level of love and respect we have for them. It feels good to have a relationship that sends us out into the world with our heads held high and strong sense of confidence.

Of course there are many ingredients that make for a great marriage. But when we talk about building the human spirit, these three are quite necessary.

BMWK — Do You Protect, Defend, and Honor Your Spouse?