A while ago, I wrote about losing yourself in marriage, and this week I feel as though I must tackle another important topic, not losing yourself in parenthood. I have witnessed several couples fall victim to this including close friends, family and even myself. Occasionally we can get so caught up in our role as mommy and daddy, we forget to be that couple we were before the children.
For most of us our lives have become all about planning schedules, making appointments, transporting little people from here to there and back again. We rarely take that needed time for ourselves, the couple. Missing out on spending quality time with your spouse could result in a disconnection. How can we keep that fire burning if we aren’t taking the time to light the candle? Or have even stopped putting energy toward the relationship?
Like most parents, I enjoy being a mom and from the look of things my husband enjoys being a dad. Having someone who needs us, seeks our guidance and trusts us is an amazing feeling. But I also enjoyed that time before my children came along””when it was just us. The dates, the spontaneity and the amount of time we were able to spend with one another. Finding our way back to that place can sometimes be challenging.
Of course some things will have to be sacrificed when you have children, like spontaneity. We can’t get up and go without the proper preparation of securing a babysitter and making other arrangements. Even when we can’t be spontaneous we still have the option of planning that needed time. Keeping in mind that the children are going to become adults and leave and then it will be just us. I feel that if we don’t carve out the time to connect now, we will no longer be interested in us or won’t even know how to be just us. So whenever we are able to steal those moments of “coupleship” we better take it.
Currently feeding off other couples by stealing ideas has been helpful. From staying overnight downtown and being tourists in our own city to participating in couple related events sponsored by various organizations have all brought about an opportunity to reconnect. My husband is big on thinking outside the box also when it comes to new things for us to explore. If both partners are consistently creative and contribute ideas to the marriage it has a greater chance of remaining exciting. And keeping in mind it really isn’t about spending money and going out. It could be just as simple as a movie night, cooking together, sharing a glass of wine, and having a great conversation.
Being a parent is probably going to be the most difficult job we will have. When you think about the responsibility you have of training up a child to become an adult it can be overwhelming. Out of all the lessons and values you will teach them about life and love, make sure you add this one. You are more than mommy and daddy. Part of giving our children what they need is also allowing them to grow up in a home where mommy and daddy don’t forget to be just the Mr. and Mrs.
What do you do to make sure you don’t forget who you were as a couple before the kids?
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