There are many single Christian women out there simply frustrated with the process of dating and relationships. It can feel like there is so much unnecessary nonsense attached, and that causes some to lose hope. For those that feel this way, don’t be discouraged, but be mindful of what adjustments you can make to see some improvement in that area. Here are 7 mistakes single Christian women should examine and consider correcting.
7 Mistakes Single Christian Women Make With Relationships
In this article:
- Hiding Out in Church
- Trying to Force Celibacy Into a Romantic Relationship
- Using Sex as a Tool
- Not Taking Time to Heal
- Looking for a Man of God
- Trying to Make Him Into a Man of God
- Not Getting God’s Guidance
Hiding Out in the Church
Going to church and praising God is a beautiful thing. Being open to meeting a potential mate in church makes perfect sense. Using church as a shield because you don’t want to put yourself out there and be vulnerable, can and will likely work against you. Many single Christian women use spending an excess amount of time in church as a cover-up to the fear that dwells within. Church is their wall of protection, but just like other walls in their life, it can still block their blessings.
Trying to Force Celibacy Into a Romantic Relationshp
I am a complete supporter of Celibacy. I think more men and single Christian women should embrace it in their lives. The issue here isn’t being celibate, but the idea of expecting it to work within the structure of romantic relationships. Boyfriend/Girlfriend is not a biblical union, so trying to fit certain biblical principles in it can create a conflict. Some people can do it, most will struggle and fail. That’s why friendship is a great foundation to build from. A man may not be willing to sacrifice sex until he truly sees the value in that woman, and friendship can create the time needed for that to happen.
Using Sex as a Tool
Not all single Christian women are celibate. Some may be having sex to reel a man in, and in her mind, hopefully keep him. Some may be celibate to make a man prove his worthiness. Either of those reasons (and I acknowledge other reasons exist) will typically backfire in her face. Sex won’t give her the relationship she needs, and it falls outside of where God wants her focus. Not having sex should be about her as a woman, and the desire not to have her judgment clouded…..Not to get attached to the wrong man, and not to confuse desire with love. Stay focused on what God desires and not how it can cause a man to stick around or to walk away.
Not Taking Time to Heal
We all have issues, but that isn’t and shouldn’t be an excuse to ignore them. The idea that we should find someone to help us “unpack our baggage” is a bit flawed. Because when bags get opened suddenly in a relationship, what is in them may be serious enough to bring the whole house down. As stated in the best-selling book God Where Is My Boaz, ” You can’t overcome an obstacle unless you are willing to face it head on” and lack of healing is a huge obstacle many single Christian women face.
Looking for a Man of God
I know that sounds like a silly thing to list as a mistake, but hear me out. Some single Christian women have become so focused on finding a “man of God” that they end up with men using God as a way to get women. He may look like a duck, talk like a duck, but still be a dog in disguise. There should be less focus on his resume, and more focus on if a genuine connection exists. Because a man who God truly has for that woman, will be able to get close to her heart like no other.
Trying to Make Him Into a Man of God
Some men are still a work in progress in regards to creating a relationship with God. So single Christian women believing this man can change is valid. The issue is when that woman thinks she can be the one to change him, big mistake! It is not that woman’s job nor in her best interest to attempt to take on this project. Nothing wrong with being a positive influence, but that man needs his time to grow. Again friendship is acceptable, but investing too much into this will stunt that woman’s personal growth, and in most cases lead to disappointment.
Not Getting God’s Guidance
I have coached many single Christian women and I have noticed a consistent mistake that is made. They will speak to family, friends, pastors, me, and anyone else to get guidance, but not speak directly to God on the matter. They speak in regards to expressing their position, but they don’t actually ask the hard questions they need guidance on. God knows what men are just distractions and the man that is best for that woman. Nothing wrong with physical counsel, but taking time to seek His input should be included, and will help that woman from making damaging decisions.
I truly believe there are so many great and amazing women out there, but sometimes certain mistakes are being made that hinders them from seeing better results in their life. Christian men make mistakes too, and that article is up next. In the meantime I hope the single Christian women reading are willing to be receptive to a different perspective. All points may not apply, but embrace those that do. For further insight on what is being overlooked in the process of receiving the relationship many Christian women desire, check out the bestselling book “God Where Is My Boaz” here on Amazon or at www.GodWhereIsMyBoaz.com
BMWK: Are you ready to change your dating mistakes?
Editor’s Note: BMWK originally published this post on September 25, 2013. We have updated it for quality and relevancy.