by Krystle Talley
We all should have standards in place for who we want to associate with, date, and even marry one day. So, what should our standards be?
Well, I can’t speak for the men but I can share my humble opinions and advice with the ladies who plan to marry one day soon or in the distant future. Although I can’t speak for the men, they may be able to reference this list so that they too can prepare themselves for what women will look for when “courting” as the old school people put it.
Any man with a decent mother will more than likely have high expectations for his future wife””that’s the way it should be. Ideally, women should also look for great features and values they wish to see in a man that may become a lifelong partner.
So, here are 5 standards I believe women should definitely set when deciding who to associate with, date, or possibly marry:
He should be a conversationalist. Most women have one thing in common. We love to talk. I don’t mean gossip, but having in depth conversations with those we care about. So, it’s important to find a man who can hold up their end of the conversation. Look for a talker.
He should be honest. We can usually determine from the beginning if a man has an issue with telling the truth. If a woman has to second guess a man’s actions or words because they don’t seem authentic, then more than likely that man is hiding something or has issues with being candid.
He should be stable. Every woman dreams of having a happily ever after with a big beautiful wedding and a huge gorgeous house. However, that’s not reality. Most men aren’t rich and won’t be able to give the Prince Charming fairytale”...but, a man does need to be stable. He should at least be able to support you, especially if hard times surface and one of you ends up unemployed for reasons neither of you can control.
He should be family-oriented. Most women are sentimental when it comes to family bonds. So, it would be great to connect with a man who feels that family is important. Even if he didn’t grow up around family, he should still desire to have a loving connection with his future family.
He should be affectionate. Lastly ladies, he should have the capability to be intimate; not just in the bedroom, but in public as well. Intimacy is more than just sexual intercourse. It’s a deep romantic connection that involves verbal and nonverbal language. He shouldn’t be afraid to show you off in front of family or friends.
These are just some values that I deem important when seeking a partner. There may be others that I failed to mention here. What are some standards you personally set for yourself?
Krystle Talley blogs at the Christian Chameleon.
Be sure to check out, SetForMarriage.com
Those standards that Talley lists are great, but they appear to
be standards for women who are more developed in their mental states and secure
in who they are. We still have too many
women who are quite undeveloped; those who don’t even want a whole man, just
some seed spreader who visits long enough to make a baby and leaves before he
knows its name. We’re not teaching our
girls by example what to look for in a man.
Many women would prefer to be stigmatized about being a
baby-mama rather than looked at as if no man would ever want her if she
remained childless. Shes been called ugly all her life because she doesnt fit
societys ideal of what beautiful is so in her desperation she makes no demands
on him to be responsible for the time he choses to be in her life, nor does she
teach this valuable social practice to any sons she will bear.
Sons who grow up learning that grabbing their crotch in public
is acceptable, wearing pants dragging so low that his natural gait is forever
impaired, and never takes a picture where his face isnt mad-dogging and his hands
arent forming some gang signs—the social acceptance in his environment. He doesnt learn early that these are not
social graces outside of that home environment, so we let society imprison his
mentality from the beginning of his life.
No matter how baby-mama looks, she carries proof for an average
of nine months that some man, even briefly, thought she was good enough to seek
solace from her; a sign she bears with that belly ripening and looming large. She sees no future, because there are no role
models for her to follow, so she doesn’t consider future ramifications. These
women don’t need a man; they have proof that “he lubs me” from the
juices he stored in her womb when he left them both behind.
Weve got to do
better with how we socialize and prepare our young girls AND boys for a world
that gets larger, yet more intimate through technology, every day.
Yes, I can really understand and agree to the points you make in your statement! I believe that those standards I listed are indeed for a woman who is prepared for marriage and is looking for a man to be prepared as well…it’s a whole other article to address those who aren’t even prepared themselves. Thanks for calling that out! 🙂
I also wrote an article similar to the issues you bring up in your feedback. Click on my name to read if you’d like…
I would also say that a marriage material man values education/knowledge.
Me personally, I want a college educated man, simply because I have a degree myself, and I want someone on my level. Also, while you can make a living without one, and today’s society has us questioning the value of a degree, like my Dad taught me, it’s always better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it.
But I also said “knowledge” too, because long after school is over, the man should still have a deep desire to constantly better himself through learning and understanding. Learn new skills, take up new hobbies, read anything and everything. I also want a man who values education. For me, college was never a question of “if,” but rather a matter of “where.” Even with grad school, my elders are all looking at me with “when am I…?” and not “will I…?”
One thing I was surprised didn’t make the list was believing in a higher power. Notice I didn’t say God (I wanted to, and my future husband is expected to, but I’m keeping an open dialogue for my brothers and sisters of various other faiths.)
He needs to have a solid understanding that it’s not just him in this world. Something made everything you see, and some things in life happen that cannot be explained by other than “a higher pwoer did it.” To me, believing in a higher power gives you something to turn to when things get rough, and builds humility (no, you didn’t wake yourself up this morning).
“I would also say that a marriage material man values education/knowledge.”
Great standard to set for yourself…I can agree that men do need to be intelligent but I don’t necessarily feel that a great man has to have a “college” background. He may have successfully gotten his GED and started his own business, deciding not to pursue higher education….
I certainly agree with you Krys. A college background does not make a great man. That’s too shallow of a statement for me, because that’s doesn’t define who you are as a person or how intelligent you are.
Affection is not as important to me as having a great sense of humor, being someone you can laugh with, someone that can make smile.
Mechelle, I like a man with a sense of humor too. My husband has a great sense of humor, so yes that is a great standard…glad I added the fact it was some standards I may have failed to mention…that was one of them. Thank you for your great feedback! 🙂
A sense of humor, college educated, and the like are were probably not included in your list because you recognize these are personal “add on” needs to the basic make up of a good spouse. Not everyone needs or desires a man with a sense of humor; we all have different personalities — however, the requirements that you listed are strong foundations for a lasting marriage. Just like building a home, you can custom build to suit your preference. Some women have to have an iron railing while others are more interested in a state-of-the-art kitchen. Diff’rent strokes for different folks. But “honest, stable, communicative, and affectionate” are, typically, deep seeded innate desires that, when consistently fulfilled, make a women satisfied, secure, and happy in their relationships.
Typos. Didn’t read over. Embarrassed. LOL
At the top of my list is he must have a personal relationship with GOD.
This is #1.
Not necessary a conversationalist, but communication is key. Must have a good heart and good morals. I prayed for a loyal husband and loyal he has been for the past ten years. God looks at the heart and so do I.
I would add that he should be financially responsible. One of the biggest challenges for marriages and relationships is finances. It has taken me the last 10yrs to get my financial act in order (paying off credit cards, spending responsibly, paying bill ontime, having a savings plan, and finally a great credit score) and I would want to be with someone who has the same values. I’m not saying he has to have stellar credit (we’ve all made mistakes) but I want to know how/why he got in debt (lost job/medical reasons/college financial aid vs. spending money on clothes, rims, etc) and the what he is doing to correct it. And if he hasn’t then is he ready and willing to seek the help to start.