I’ve been married for over 5 years. That’s not long by most standards, but long enough for me to realize that making our marriage last isn’t about how much we love each other; it’s about our willingness to put in the work. Are we willing to give this thing our all in an effort to not just survive, but to actually thrive as partners?
Sometimes when you hear people talk about their marriage, it can seem like they are always in survival mode. It’s understandable how people get to that place. Marriage is a beautiful thing, but when you take two independent lives and merge them, it can be complicated. Challenges arise. People fall short of meeting expectations.
What every couple has to realize, however, is that if you just stay in survival mode, you will never enjoy the journey and at some point the desire to simply survive fades. You have to make that shift from wanting to survive as a couple to wanting to thrive. When you do this, you start making decisions more carefully, and as a result your relationship begins to blossom. Surviving is part of the process, but being in that mode should be short-lived, allowing the couple to shift their focus to thriving.
Here are 5 things that can help you not only survive the challenging times in your relationship, but can help your relationship thrive.
1. The ability to look inward. Sometimes couples can fall into the trap of pointing fingers, but no good comes from that. Take some time to take a close look at yourself and your actions. What have your contributions been? What can you do to make things better? How can you change? What do you feel like you are missing on a personal level? Being able to look inward stops you from always looking outward for answers. Sometimes the answer is within.
2. A shared vision. Do you share a vision for your marriage? If not, it’s a conversation that needs to happen. If you both know where you want to go (and it’s the same place), it’s a lot easier to get over the humps (and there will be humps) and work towards creating the life you desire.
3. Forgiveness. If you cannot develop the ability to forgive and move on, your relationship will suffer. If you feel like your spouse has wronged you, you must develop the capacity to forgive. You must also be able to forgive yourself when necessary. Forgiveness heals and healing is a key when it comes to making the most of your marriage.
4. Living in the moment. You can’t change what happened yesterday, and you can’t predict what tomorrow will bring. Sure, it’s important to plan for the future you desire as a couple, but you have to be able to live in (and enjoy) the present moment.
5. Faith. Having faith in something that is far greater than your relationship is important. It also serves as a foundation for your marriage and a compass to guide the direction you choose to follow. Whether you are in survival mode, or you are making big decisions to help your marriage thrive, nothing can give you what you need the way God can.
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